August, 26th 2009 16:48 PM
“If I could stick my pen in my heart
And spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya
Would you think the boy is strange? Ain’t he strange?”
(Rolling Stones)
‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in
crazy fool’s newsround
in that order
(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)
Plus the radio show – with a new look!
That was the week weren’t it;
The scene: fool is on the set of Record Breakers with host Norris McSquirter
Norris McSquirter: So, please tell us fool, when did you get your big break?
fool: I fell off a horse…it was skiing at the time and the ground broke my fall.
Narrator: Cut, stop, bring on the quiz
fool’s big break
1. What song are the opening lyrics from and is the word ‘The’ officially in the Rolling Stones’ name?
2. How many sides do thirteen rectangles have?
3. Where does a nun usually live?
4. What is the name of Fred Flintstone’s pet?
5. How many women in total travelled to the Moon throughout the 20th Century?
6. What is the name of the stick used in croquet to strike the ball?
7. What colour is the Taj Mahal?
8. Which of these inventions was developed last? A) Lightbulb B) Motor car C) Television
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com
WHO AM I? – 2009 – Obviously trickier than I thought, so it’s down to good old clue number 3, but first a re-cap of Clue No.1; “Associated with
Is it me?
This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.
Scores at the end of week 32 or 33 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.
For those who are dyslexic, who is leading the scoreboards, at a glance?
Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)
Casualty: zip
Aye: 1 (1)
Others: 1
Quote(s) for the week:
Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.
J Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me? I’m not good enough for you, eh?
The Marx Brothers (At the Circus)
*Non-descript trivia moment*
SOME ROMAN DIETIES
Comus…comedy
Minerva…wisdom
Terra…the earth
Juno…marriage
Somnus…sleep
fool’s Gold
- The market for trousers with a waistband of 37 inches or more is increasing by 15% a year
- The mobile phone number 666-6666 raised £1.4 million at an auction in
- Elephants can recognise their own reflection, placing them in an elite group of self-aware animals that includes humans, great apes and dolphins
Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:
“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”
This is arguable but apparently the word penguin is one of few that has been adopted from WELSH.... the term "pen gwyn" in Welsh translates as white head. Gwyn being the word for white or pure. A bit mind blowing that Nel Gwyn's family name should be one of purity.
Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:
Often being of not, shall we say, the most conversationalist of blokes, especially on small talk and basic ‘freelance chat’, it really gets my goats gander when I rustle up a conversation and upon tendering an enlightening question, be it, say, work related or as mentioned just a ‘freelance gabbler’, such as, ‘How do you grow tomatoes?’-It riles me to the bones when folk turn round in time induced vacuum, ‘Look it up on the internet.’ – Bastards!
Things that are just Sweet Love:
I’ve really enjoyed riding past motorists lately and shaking my head at them, as if they’ve done something wrong. It’s brilliant, try it. It also nearly brought a tear to my eye the other day when my five year old daughter declared her favourite song to be London Calling by The Clash, and she knows all the words. It used to be Holler-back Girl by the Welsh/Italian diva Gwen Stefano. Well, at least I think she’s Welsh, with a name like Gwen she must be… ‘I live by the river…’
A viewer’s favourite haystacks from
This is another plane:
And now this bit:
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
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Have you had yours today?
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Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras,
Not just a walk in the park
Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in
Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in
Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in
Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in
Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:
*Digger; delves into the las eight spots
*Trigger: see above
*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:
Playing NOW the one with:
Adam and Valerie
Plus all the ‘oldies’: Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!
*Tit-bits – .../…A notable…/…The day the penis…/…/…/…
*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s Kitchen/café – had another yesterday after a 6 week lay off… beautiful
*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’
*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you
v Classifieds
Seriously, anyone selling a rowing machine? – I’m getting there!
*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…gonna shake your world…about …’
Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -
*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko & Phatty’s
Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)
Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!
Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity
I’ll need a T-shirt
This bit is the rugby bit:
(See categories for The New
Published 27.8.09
DC can’t drop kick for toffee
You can’t help thinking the Wallabies recent roll of defeats may have upset their mental balance a tad and going down 18-19 to
Sure, fortune wasn’t favouring them, especially when Barnes and O’Connor went off injured, however, Al Baxter can shake his head and cuss as much as he likes because he was convincingly knobbled by the wily Tony Woodcock and there on in lies a problem.
Rocky Elsom pushed hard in his 80 minute come back, especially after a boring first half where the boot was the order of the day, that was until Barnes went off and that option was denied, but even then the Australians had it in the bag. With 25 to go they were up15-6 and the territorial bombs that Barnes provided may just have kept their noses in front.
The same injury misfortune was said for the Blacks, as they lost Conrad Smith and Luke McAlister but gained Nonu. Australia acquired Peter Hines, and he should have made more from a break after Burgess chipped ahead, but instead of looking inside he floundered the opportunity and thumped it up-field and into touch.
Now, the All Blacks forwards upped the anti by being quicker and tougher at the breakdowns. The No.8 Kieran Read lead the pack and his momentum served up ball for the backs, which found The Siv, who’d been looking dangerous all day, as the Wallabies noticed and so hastily put 5 men on him only for him to slip the ball away, without looking, to Nonu who raced over the white line unchallenged.
Still, these were tense moments, as a couple of penalties exchanged the lead, but it was the Blacks who looked in control and for five minutes they secured enough ball to jostle DC into the pocket for a drop attempt that when it finally did come he soared it a massive three feet in the air and off to the left; as he recalls, “I had a bit of a shy laugh (at the drop kick) because it was such a poor attempt.”
With three or four minutes left the Blacks didn’t panic and DC, who in all looked as if he’d never been away, punted the ball into the corner for Lachie Turner to hesitate just a scratch too long before he shipped it to Ashley-Cooper who was caught and penalised for holding on. DC slotted it over to reveal his true class.
I wouldn’t say the All Blacks were all class, but they deserved their win. And you can’t help thinking the Aussie players, with all their talents, deserve better, but the facts are the facts, as Deans said, “We came up short…again.”
The Top14
As we flit over to the French league we find ourselves in sunny
In the Air New Zealand Cup: as far as I know Nonu has been asked to kick for Wellington, but when I pick myself up off the floor I’ll let you know more. In the meantime they beat
Some shorts:
Habana has been getting himself in the press as much as possible by nearly signing for Western Province, although he hasn’t just yet – tune in next week for ‘How Big is My Ego’
McGeechan looks set to return the ‘moral standings’ at the Stoop as he’s the man to take over at Quins and, completely changing the subject, can you believe
B.O’D and Tana met for the first time this week since one journalist described ‘that tackle’ as, ‘one of the filthiest, ugliest moments in sporting history’. ‘That tackle’ happened four years ago and although a lot of who-ha was made of it, manners were still left out in the cold when no word of apology or concern was bunted around from neither Tana himself nor the
Lastly;
Some competitions now:
WIN a PRIZE!
John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.
If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!
15. Salom's
There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what films?
end rugby here!
Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
It might not have been the bestest cricket in the world but by ‘eck were it thrilling.
Test No. five’s offerings were dished up on a ticklingly fanciful platter that once the whole series was digested it warranted a belch and perhaps the odd regurgitation of the world’s finest delectably diced carrots.
Oz were chasing the big ask of 546 on Day 4 and at 80-0 began to tighten a few English lips. Their target was questionably light on realism on what the Australian media insisted was a dodgy track, but as we know, that was how it lay for both parties so a muffled hush was spread through the ranks quick sharp.
To do the ‘idealistic’ job or not they had to have a go, and have a go they did till 2.35p.m. when on 217-2 Fred struck… then the proverbials fell off and another tantalising whiff off diced carrots wafted through this series air. His precise toss dismissed The Punts’ bails after a hesitant run and mix up between Hussey who called it on; thus ended their partnership of 127 and commenced the spiral to defeat.
Clarke was soon to follow for a duck and Broad did most of the rest, snapping 5-37, at a pretty good spell of 19 runs off 47 balls. Add his 37 with the wood to this Test’s mix and you have the natural Freddie replacement, if not quite so with the beef…who in turn didn’t have as much beef as the Beef of Headingly in ’81, but was nonetheless quite beefy and a joy to have on the world’s cricketing stage – ta ta Freddie!
You know, it might be worth putting the odd sheckle on seeing Ponting’s captaincy disappear when he gets home, although there’s no doubt of him as a player or his respect he holds around the world. When The Punt’s came out to address the crowd at the end he said, “When I came out to a standing ovation, Freddie asked, “What have you done – hired a PR company or something.”
Freddie himself, stated that he wouldn’t be getting up to the same antics as the team did after the 2005 debacle and said, “This time it will be a quiet meal with my wife Rachael.” To which Beefy quipped, “She may change her mind when she sees the state he turns up in…”
But back to the cricket - Hussey was still there at the end of Day 4 on a hundred odd when Swann mopped up the final wicket, which was only to underline the extraordinary facts of this topsy turvey series, in that the Aussies knocked off 8 centuries, although it was Hussey’s first knock of any substance, as he was crap otherwise, to England’s 3 tons – one from Trott on debut at119. The other two were Levi’s, who ended Man of the Series with the Compton-Miller Medal and top scorer with 474.
Some have put the series win down to Monty and Jimmy’s stand of 11 overs at
Either way, the captains summed it up nicely, Levi; “When we were bad in the series we were very bad but when we were good we were very good.”
And Punt’s, “We gave it all we could but it wasn’t enough. Full credit to
And it would be rude not to mention Swann’s song of, and as he keeps reminding us, that he was nearly the third top English scorer with his last knock of 63 and that on Monday morning he woke up on his hotel bed still in his whites but minus a shoe, so if anyone’s seen Swanny’s shoe please pass it on. Keep the carrots.
Other sports:
Usain did it again, this time in the 200, where he smashed Michael Johnson’s record of 19.32 and clocked 19.19 in what he said, “wasn’t even a good race.” – Johnson had other ideas, “Unbelievable. It was a ridiculous race. No one has ever run a bend like that and probably never will.”
Bolt was his timid self, “My aim is to become a legend. That’s what I want and that’s what I’m working on. I’m not in good condition like I was last year. I’m extremely tired. After that race I don’t think I will be able to walk for a day.” – What’s the matter with him, the poof; it was only 200 metres not a bloody marathon.
Barichello won the Hungarian GP and The Ham didn’t because the pit crew hadn’t taken off the covers for the spare tyres. Ham stayed controlled and said, “I’m disappointed, but we win and lose together.” – Team chief Martin Whitechurch on the other hand said, “It would not have affected the outcome of the race. We lost the race because we didn’t have a quick enough car.” – You choose.
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
Chosen yet? Well, while you’re thinking, get your nut around this: The Tesco’s Dairy Centre of Excellence in
Pull the udder one
If you want to rob a bank, set a honey trap. It’s in all the films; A Fish Called Wanda… err… Anyway, a 17 year old girl did just that at the Fortis Bank in
Bonjour
Robert Muir celebrated his 100th birthday by sparring with Frank Bruno. Robert said, “When you get to my age people are quick to tell you what you can’t do. But I think I had the edge on Frank.” – Good on yer young Bob me lad.
There is nothing you cannot do
Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! Lilly Allen wore a see through top at The Oval this week and she’s got nipples like a fighter pilot’s thumbs
The ‘B’ in the SAS B Squadron was named after an adopted brown bear found by SAS member Peter Thompson 72 in a Malaysian jungle in 1958. Peter or Tommo as he is known called him Chieftain, after the name of their operation, which doesn’t seem all that wise to me, but there you go. Anyway, Tommo said, “Chieftain used to sleep under or in my bed with me, he was my pet.” – Obviously got lonely in the jungle.
Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
The mayor of Preesall and Knott End in Lancs UK is 58 year-old Ian Stafford or at least it was until he got caught sneaking into women’s houses and trying on their underwear. One woman became suspicious of the gardener and handyman and installed a camera in her bedroom; evidence in court showed him in her knickers having a wank… how’d’ya get out of that one… ‘err, it’s not what you think…’.
Mayoress Jill Marr 63 said, “This will come as a surprise to anyone who knows him. I always thought he was a very quiet man who was a regular church-goer and very popular in the village.” – Well, at least he doesn’t have to hide it anymore, but then I suppose that’s the thrill.
Someone who is hiding it though is student Winter Pierzina 20, who’s been on the internet recently showing us how big busted women can hide stuff in their bras. She can get car keys, camera, mobile phone, lipstick and a mace spray all in there. She explains on her video, “I just wanted to share with you how amazing it is to have big boobs, because the bra doubles as a purse.” – She’s even got a mini tool-kit with a claw hammer, screwdriver and scissors – she’s probably even got the Mayor in there!
Sweet dreams
just cf it
cf
Other news
- • 13th - 20th Jan 2012 volume 467 - (January, 19th 2012 12:25 PM)
- • 6th - 12th January 2012 volume 466 - (January, 11th 2012 19:16 PM)
- • 30th dec - 5th jan 2011-12 volume 465 - (January, 05th 2012 12:17 PM)
- • 23rd - 29th December 2011 volume 464 - (December, 28th 2011 12:09 PM)
- • 16th - 22nd Dec 2011 volume 463 - (December, 21st 2011 20:22 PM)
- • 9th – 15th Dec 2011 volume 462 - (December, 14th 2011 22:08 PM)
- • 2nd - 8th December 2011 volume 461 - (December, 07th 2011 21:06 PM)
- • 25th Nov - 1st Dec 2011 volume 460 - (November, 30th 2011 19:26 PM)
- • 18th - 24th November 2011 volume 459 - (November, 23rd 2011 19:32 PM)
- • 11th - 17th November 2011 volume458 - (November, 16th 2011 18:39 PM)
