That was the week weren't it; The European leg:

The scene: fool is a Low Level Operative on a low level operation of anti-thrilanpology when he is suddenly taken by a bout of diahoreah in Brighton UK. He enters a busy lunch time chemist and embarrassed bythe que over hearing asks for relief at the pharmacy counter. A Pakistani Rene Zelleweger assistant assists him.

Fool: err, I've got loose bowels

Rene: Loose vowels?

Fool: eh?

Rene: Yes, that's one

fool: eh...

Rene: Yes, e...

fool: No, I...

Rene: Yes, that's another, you're doing well

fool: (a little gurgle ripples in his pit) Oh...

Rene: Come no who says you've got loose vowels?

Fool: You.

Rene: (claps extaticly) There you go see, no more loose vowels.

Fool: No I've got loose bowels,, the trots, gotta go all the ime, diaroeah...

Rene: Oh, I see! Is it irritating?

Fool: Well it's giving me the shits!

Narrator: Hmmm, yes, loose, in all sense of the word - quiz:

1. Can anyone give one good reason why Rene Zellweger has to be in this let alone a Pakistani, plus in which film is she stuck on Ewen McGragor?

2.  A covey is the collective name for a group of which kind of birds?

3.  The Ashanti tribe live in which African country?

4.  What was the first film in which Clint Eastwood played as the "Man with no name"?

5.  Which two European languages are spoken in Madagaskar?

6.  Which country has the shortest coastline in the world?

7.  What is a davenport?

8. What colour light is shown on the starboard side of a boat or plane? A) Red B) Green C) White

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I? Sniffed, inhaled, swallowed and digested at last. The Eagle came in first with these clues although Marc claims a justifyiable inquest as his email entry was but 5 minutes after the official posting, but let's not get bogged down on formalitiies, everyone's a winner on cf's Bog Comp, yes that was spelt correctly and yes that was the end of the Bog Comp, for another 6 weeks at least, meanwhile its just the main comp - confused? Good. Here were the three clues that got everyone so annoyed: Clue No.1: "The spell I sold the world 400 years ago was perhaps not from, but only thought it from me!" - Clue No.2; "It could have been my murder that put ink to the sword, for was he but not the business man that I lay down my quill for!" - and lo onto clue No.3; "It wasn't bloody Shakespeare alright, it was me all along, you ninnies. Bill didn't write one sodding play in his whole flatuent life - I'm the bloke with the pen." - Who was of course Christopher Marlowe.

No clue this week!

Big prizes to be won in the next couple of weeks - check the *comps and results page for all the details.

Scores at the end of week 25 in the 2008 series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in. And the Big Comp tally in sub, sub brackets, just to confuse ya.

For those high on helium...come down you fools

Dracule: 13 (1,1) (1,1)

Legal Eagle: 9 (1, 1) (1, 1, 1- winner of the Bog Comp)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 3 (1) (1, 1?)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: There are no others...

Quote for the week:

Don't worry, being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep in a giant blender.

Homer Simpson

*Non-descript trivia moment*

CURIOUS DEATHS OF SOME BURMESE KINGS (PART II)

RAZADARIT died after becoming entangled in the rope with which he was lassoing elephants. (1423)

TABINSHWETI beheaded by his chamberlains whilst searching for a ficticious white elephant. (1551)

NANDABAYIN laughed to death when informed, by a visiting Italian merchant, that Venice was a free state without a king.(1599)

fool's Gold

• The greatest football headline ever written was said to be the one in The Sun (UK paper) in Feb 2000 after Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic 3-1 in the Scottish Cup: "Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atroccious"

• The average two year old learns 16 new words a day

• Between shows, Elvis used to snack on chicken soup with crackers

Dr. Phil Ology's word of the week:

Oysters: Oysters are ambisexual. Theystart out as male and change to female. The big meaty ones are female...east European probably.

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

When you've got the trots, runs, shits, diaroeah and a real acidity bit clings to the hairs on your bum and stings like buggery until you find a the tissue to soothe it...argh!

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and wine by the bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam - I think! - Some cracking live music too folks.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. - What's news on the sand-pits mate?

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. Drop us a line on the high mountain trip please Fi. The reply; Hi mountain week ...king great. love (hic) Paul

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:  Got any Four n twenty pies?

Butchery & Delicatess

 41 Nam Ky Khoi Nghia Street, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City.

(Nearby intersection of NKKN St and Nguyen Cong Tru St)

Open from 8.30am-8.00pm

Tel: +848 8216057 or 9144376

Email:info.kimhai@media.net.vn

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week? - Don't forget...There's a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; has something very important to say this week...

*Trigger: point' out the point and will try to win you some points

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in... at this rate probably not till Sept - stay tuned - will be September!

*Tit-bits -

*Grub-Up - * New- New - new* - Slice o' snake n pigmy pie with oysters

Poetry Corner: Still reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫...will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman - Read all the Fishman's tails in On The Pond, May ‘08' - new one out NOW folks - something to do with an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver - it's all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - just hooked up with them on their Euorpean tour - Nam next

Mr. Meaner...  Oh yeah, I like it like that, I like it like that...

Now; the rugby bit dun, dun, dun - for rugby folk et all; but please, if you're not keen do move on:

Some more beginning and end of season Internationals:

Australia beat France 34-13 in Melbourne and did it with four tries. A push over you say, well no.

Err, well yes too. They made hard work of it, with only some niggly problems that just need ironing, but France by far the underdogs should be slapping themselves.

With first half opportunities that went beckoning, they never pulled off a couple of tries lead that warranted their offloading forwards display.

Australia played the A-typical Deans game, but haven't quite pulled it off yet. Burgess and Giteau connected, then didn't connect and some inter-handling forwards skills will need to be addressed, however, the 'real thing' of fast quick ruck ball is coming.

Giteau did manage to pull off a slice of brilliance when he took on hairy Chabal for pace in the backline for the opening try of the game just before half time, and you thought 10-3 was probably fair going into the break.

Straight after the break the Aussies rallied and the French faltered. From a couple of close rucks Nathan Sharpe went over for an un-memorable score then Rocky Elsom strolled past a nonchalant Traille for the second and suddenly the Aussies had 17 un answered points, which bowed many a Frenchman's head.

Trinh Duc, the only Vietnamese on both sides, proved he's not a centre and spelt that out with a raw and highly innaccurate pass to Traille, he's other inept pairing in the middle for the day, only for Mortlock to intercept and grab the Wallabys fourth.

Peter Hynes yet again gave himself a good account, although he was well marked by Les Blues and Bruno the French hooker will prove a problem for any team. Berrick Barnes keeps showing us he's making fine transitional headways in the centre, but the find was from the wee French winger Alexis Palisson, who not only upstaged Lote in the first ten minutes, but also scored Le Frog's only try 15 minutes from the end, after which both teams thought they had done enough and packed it in for the evening.

France make 11 changes for this week's game in Brisbane, and keep your eye on Louis Piccomoles, he's darn good. Still, this young inexperienced side will get walloped by an ever improving, if not got it quite right yet, Wallaby side - 34-26

Over in Cordoba, Argentina on the other hand the Pumas lost in a dour game to Italy 13-12, astonoshing result I hear you cry, yes, it was, but all reports blow foul at a whistle happy ref who awarded 30 penalties, 22 in the first half alone. He reset 12 scrums and left the forwards to battle out a scrappy affair.

Canavosio went over from a rumbling short haul last minute try and that was as they say, it.

Some shorts:

Toulouse beat Clermont 26-20 for their 17^th Top 14 championship win, which however way you look at it, you could never get bored with the old ones, which is betting on them...

New Zealand Maori beat Japan 65-22, and surprisingly Japan were up 22-17 at half time. The Maori's will now face Australia 'A', which ultimately is the Specific Nations final.

Jonno named his England Elite Rugby Squad this week and gave only one of the 'A4' a spot, in Danny Care. He also stressed those picked were from a rugby basis only.

If Ojo, Strettle, who is trying to patch things up with his girlfriend on a holiday in America and Mike Brown feel let down then they should take heart knowing Kay, Tindall and Worsley have also been dropped.

Back are Sgt W. Lewsey, Vickery, Shaw and Dan Hipkiss - that's the fella I was trying to think of in the centre Swifty, if you're watching!

And Kiwi born Riki Flutey comes in in the centre also. England host the Specific Nations, NZ, Autralia and MB, all in November at Twickenham.

The Tri Nations kick off this week, with New Zealand hosting the MB's in Wellington. While John Smit fears the Black's' scrum, Conrad Smith has nothing but admiration for Jean De Villiers; "He is brilliant, he can read the opposition very well. When he has got the ball he is brilliant, he always takes the right option, and can do things whether it kicking or playing or setting up guys and running himself. He's pretty competent footballer." - And you're not a bad mind gamed arse licking fink yourself, although it is true.

25-11 to the Blacks

John Smit's; films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 - the fool promises!

Called the John Smit's XV, as he's the current World Cup winning captain, so we've got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15.    Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood  13. The Patriot  12. The Great Race  11. Pink Panther  10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs  8. Braveheart  7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone  6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.   2. Simpsons Hooray Henry crook 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

England went down by 51 runs to the Black Caps at Lords last week to wrap up the series for the Kiwi's 3-1

The caps had a late flurry of runs in their innings with Styris notching 87 off 91and the subsequent English batting deterioating into their ODI pathectical wont.

That makes it 6-2 to the Kiwi's in their last 10 ODI's and although Moore's was obviously dissapointed he felt  some things were ok; "We played pretty well with the ball as 266 was their top score. Batting wise, we had opportunities to chase down runs and didn't do it. We have to take that on the chin and be more consistent." - They take a lot on the chin them English.

Ronnie Biggs gets out next year aged 78. he's served two thirds of his 30 year sentence he got for the Great Train Robberry in '63'...hey, hang, what's this doing here...

Meanwhile The England Pakistan game of 2006, you know, that one where Hair called the Paki's cheats for ball tampering then awarded England five runs. Well the Asian bloc moaned so much that it's be reverted from a win to a draw, which in effect puts in England joint third place overall, as opposed to outright third.

Next week England kick off their summer Tests with South Africa, where the 'Is-it's' unleash their quickies Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel. Pollock says of Steyn; "Steyn is a real find, he is the hottest property in South African property." - Bricks and mortar...