26th Nov - 2nd Dec 2010 volume 408
December, 01st 2010 21:31 PM

“He saw the riders coming hard and he heard their mournful cry”

(Johhny Cash)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 2.12.10                                           

For Royal Scots Borderers, 1st Battalion

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

No pleasing some people

A man who was prescribed an antidote for Parkinson’s has proclaimed its side effects turned him into a sex crazed transvestite with a £400,000 debt.

 

Peter Shepherd confirmed the symptoms to the illness had been alleviated but grandeur illusions, coupled with violence, attention seeking and a gambling habit cost him 15 credit cards, his wife, his home and a £50k a year job.

 

Shrouded within transvestite tendencies Peter spent thousands on ladies clothes then haunted car parks all over England in rented Bentleys, Jaguars, Ferrari’s, Porsche’s and TVR’s looking for sex;

 

“I had an obsession in gambling, spending money and sexual exercise in various fetishes, yet none of this high-living, gambling, hypersexuality, fetishisms, violence and attention seeking made any sense at the time”

 

Two leading professors of neurology have spoken for him in court on charges of eBay fraud after he was charged for issuing non existent concert tickets.

 

Professor Spoonerism, dressed in a spring range Dorothy Perkins floral corset, said, “Beyond the realms of self control Mr. Shepherd was a fool who liked a feel.”

 

Yeah, that’s right, its Parkinson’s or this…

 

Have a break

Meanwhile a German pensioner from Gumperda bricked himself up in his basement after an on going row with his neighbours.

 

He didn’t mean to and only realised his mistake once he’d packed up his tools and was about to leave. Frustrated even further he knocked his neighbour’s side of the basement down and came out yelling and screaming, thus continuing their feud.

 

Police led him away.

 

 

 

Japanese firm Toyoka Chua Seika play Mozart to their bananas that are imported from the Philippines.

 

Tests have proved a sweeter taste prevails during the ripening stage, with Mozart’s String Quartet 17 and Piano Concerto 5 in D Major providing the best results.

 

With sales soaring from last year, soy sauce, Udan noodles and sake are now being tested.

 

Prince Charles did it with his tomatoes 20 years ago and everyone said he was mad. I wonder if you could do it with lemons, I mean, they’re just bitter.

 

Port out, starboard home…

76 year-old John Hinton has invented a boat-car powered by a lawnmower. He calls it the ‘shortcutter’ as he can travel on both land and water.

 

Clocking 9mph on land John has approached Honda with his idea and says, “If it was big enough you could probably, go all the way to France, drive on land, pick up some cheese and wine and bring it all back without leaving the boat.”

 

John is of course mad

 

 

 

Fred Finn 70, has travelled the world – 139 countries – 718 Concorde flights – he’s in the Guinness Book of Records - fact.

 

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Paddy thought Johnny Cash was change for a Durex machine’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘The One With Pat – is that The One With Pat?’ - Anon

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I was in the jungle and there was the monkey with a tin opener. I said, ‘You don’t need a tin opener to peel a banana.’ He said, ‘No, this is for the custard.’

 

The Boat Lagoon Marina, Phuket – Hysterical Hour – 2-10p.m. every Friday Indian and Western food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*The Dutch have brewed a dog beer, called dog beer, which is especially blended with a blend of meat and extracts of malt – but no alcohol

 

*A chicken called Bolt laid a 4 inch egg this week – that’s 9cm x 5.7cm. Owner Denise Sloan from Dorset UK said, ‘I don’t know what the world record is but I can say she is a little bow legged.”

 

Number crunching

 

*Leslie Nielsen died this week aged 84. His best line; ‘Doing nothing is hard to do – you never know when you have finished.’

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – this week for sure!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 
 

 

Other news