25th Nov - 1st Dec 2011 volume 460
November, 30th 2011 19:26 PM

“Devil’s haircut in my mind”

(Beck)


You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

  

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 1.12.11  

                                        

For elements of 1 Air Mobility Wing; Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

The Devil position

The Vatican’s chief exorcist has claimed yoga to be satanic.

 

Father Gabriel Amorth 85 who has conducted over 70,000 exorcists in the last 25 years states; ‘Yoga is the Devil’s work. You think you are doing it to stretch your mind and body but it leads to oriental religions based on the false belief of reincarnation.’

 

The High Priest of Purification also lends the notion that Harry Potter wallows in the esoteric depths of sorcery and spells therefore is in cahoots with magic which is the Devil’s fuel.

 

‘Well I’ll be buggered’, remarked Harry, ‘as you wish’, complied Father Amorth

not allowed to upload this picture!

 

Left out to dry

A student from Derby had to be freed by firemen after getting stuck in a clothes horse.

 

Danielle Morgan 18 was mucking about in her friends bedroom when she fell off the bed and into the drier. When the pair couldn’t un-grapple the stronghold the metal bars had on her neck, head and shoulders they phoned a friend, also staying in the Sir Peter Hilton Court halls of residence.

 

They thought she was drunk, but when they came to her assistance they also couldn’t free her. Firemen were eventually called and had to use bolt cutters.

‘They said they had seen lots of things, but never this.’ Said Danielle.

 

Obviously they haven’t been on watch in South London, where ten fire-fighters were summoned by Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Woolwich to remove a ring from a man’s willy, when the old-fashioned soap and water grip failed. They also had to use bolt cutters!

 

But more astonishingly the same fire brigade had also been called out to no less than three cases of people caught in clothes horses’ this year alone.

 

In total 417 people were caught in things from April 2010 to May 2011; they ranged from a man in a child’s car, in iron boards, fingers in DVD’s, kids in toilets, kids with heads in toilet seats, potties on the head – the list goes on. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever been caught in… err not you Father Amorth!


 

 

Pint and a legacy please

Hitler lived in London when he was 23 and liked nothing better than to have a pint in a pub.

 

He went to stay with his half brother Alois, in Toxteth, Liverpool for five months too, when he (Alois) sent money for his sister’s husband to come over, but Hitler took it instead to escape the draft from the Austrian army.

 

‘Adolf has been hiding from the military for 18 months. That’s why he came to me. He had no choice.’ As was revealed in Alois’ sisters’ diary’s, which were discovered recently.

 

The house he stayed in Liverpool isn’t there, as he sent the Luftwaffe back later to bomb it, but he did spare the Poste House Pub where he enjoyed a tipple.


 

 

 (sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Peering hopelessly through the cracks of time where perception lays no boundaries to level the viewpoints of an individual’s stance is a mindset that is generally only ever overcome by either forgiveness, acceptance or revenge or all three, but as is the bemusement to all philosophical twangs that rear their ugly heads, mostly from Yoga’s No.37 position, they and philosophy itself is there to remind us what ramblings we take on to feed our psyche, which inevitably is generated only to fuel a supposed higher order of understanding, that for some reason man, and woman, have dedicated it to be their determined grip of interpreting drivel. When Adam Ant went mad and was found scribbling indecipherable notes on the back of a bus ticket in his cellar he flipped out because know-one understood him and thus threw a car battery through his local pub window in London, narrowly missing Splodgeness-Abounds who were still ordering their two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, which they have done since circa 1979, but there lie their legacy, along with Bad Manners’ Special Brew, which in many ways could be denoted as the Devil’s work, and so acquainted itself to mind altering close up images of the pavement as you stepped out side the boozer into fresh air. Yet little does convention know that lurking in the corners of every aged pub, under the spiralling cobwebs of escaping pipe tobacco is a legacy for the fair or foul of perception and as oft as taboo, as the nature of its inquisitor who rattles on the door of Let It Be where from chaos cometh and rock n roll doth lend its legacy to the Dark Fibre of disco-tech-tronic-necessities, as it emerges to appease the ever flowing current of need, as Jimi said to me recently on one of his regular visits to my garden via a quick feed stop in Saigon’s Juice café to purchase us both an eggs in a clay pot special, with their tangy vegetables and crispy etchings of cooked salami, that he most graciously sped quick sharp here to phuket, via Legend Recording Studio in Phuket to momentarily remove one ear piece from his Walkman and spout did he, appreciation of Dark Fibre’s sounds through the panelled door, before jetting off and settling with me under the shade of ye olde banana plant leaf and relay the tale of his path that once led him astray to the Red House Over Yonder where his baby stayed, but she weren’t in so he… well, I let him tell you, as this is his Get It off Your Chest Request – Jimi, this is for you…

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.  A spokesman for the channel said. “A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 


crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…


www.highstylecondominium.com

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news


 

*Paul Barton from Powys dragged a piano up a mountain in Kanchanaburi in Thailand so he could play some Beethoven to some elephants. It was a 50th birthday present to himself, ‘I had to drag a piano up a mountain’, he said, ‘I have a really bad back, but I wanted to make the effort, so I could say I had undergone a personal challenge.’ – He played Pathetic Sonata.

 

*In a turkey eating contest 7st (45kg’s) Sonya Thomas took the Wild Turkey 81 Eating World Title in New York by ramming 2kg’s (5lb) of turkey meat down her gullet in 10 minutes. Not normally a turkey lover the Korean, known as the Black Widow said, ‘I left only the bone.’

 

*Need a stable to rent over Christmas? Contact Fiona Turlon in Brighton UK. For £12 a night she’ll knock you up a manger, some straw and a real donkey. There’s also mood lighting, electricity, heating, and ornamental fireplace, tea making facilities and an armchair, however, shepherds costumes, bath towels and wifi are extra. It’s all for a good cause; Leukaemia and Lymploma.

 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching


 

*Two women were charged this week for stealing £400 worth of booze from a supermarket only for the getaway car to run out of petrol and they had to push it to a garage – all was caught on CCTV. This particular offence was in June, but when they tried the same trick in October security were onto them.

 

*Card players from Warwickshire dealt a 1 in 2000 quadrillion hand. Four aged Whist players in their 70’s shuffled the pack as usual and each received a complete suit, although not in order. Wenda Douthwaite 77 said, ‘I was shaking when we lay the cards down on the table.’ Maths boff Dr Alexander Mijatourier from Warwick University the 1 in 2,235,197,406,895,366,368,301,559,999 chance of that happening was equivalent to finding a drop of water in the ocean.

 

*Lego have built the world’s biggest Christmas tree at 10metres using 600,000 bricks. 1000 baubles hang from 172 branches and it took two months to make. If you want to see it, go to St Pancreas Station in King Cross. Or, if you’d like to see the world’s biggest floating Christmas tree try the 85 metre monster on Rio Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon in Brazil. The 542 tonne structure has 3.3 million bulbs and is accompanied by an eight minute firework display.

 

*Michael Caine’s trench coat he wore in the 1971 classic Get Carter was up for auction for 4,500 quid this week.

 

*And the average time spent at a pub urinal is 55 seconds, boff’s from Cambridge know that because they made the world’s first video game powered by wee, which is now in the Exhibit Bar in Balham, London.

 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf


 

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