Way way back many centuries ago it would've been a far easier task to scratch naked bison on t' slab in a dank French cave during humping season, somewhere south of your Dordoines, and a damned sight quicker than what it has taken me to scribble this bag-o-shite on LCD this week, but hey-ho, at least I'm not French!

It was French

That was an extract from the cf himself, taken from his apocalyptic scribal movement chantesque novel of ‘From here to Pigeon Once more'

And that's just what it could've ended up being diverted to. Who says the good old Penny Black wasn't the Broadband forerunner of motion and necessity? Who says the deadly highwayman of the Sussex Downs and the forever hounded Pony Express by the nearly, and savage, but nearly red, but mostly just evenly tanned Indians of North America who just happened to drink Red Mountain coffee? ... Where was I? Oh yeah, pigeons - nearly all good, ‘cept o' course Speckle Jim , who seems to always get a mention these days, and the homing pigeon that belonged to John Stewart (aged 69), who recently (pigeon) veered off course by 5000 miles. But I'll get to that later in this week's trivial kabumph.

But now folks, this:

1. Time and Speed equal?

2. What sort of fruit is a Bartlett?

3. Where was the 1987 cricket world cup played?

4. Which artist painted himself 62 times?

5. What is the collective name for a group of salmon?

6. On which river does Cairo stand?

7. What is ½ plus 2/8's?

8. Name the three American presidents of the 1970's?

Answers to last week's quiz No.200, yes folks that was the 200^th edition. Let's just say goodbye to her, yes she's gone...leave it Johnny, leave it mate, don't upset yourself, she's gone dude...let her go, we all miss her, cf misses her, but it's no more mate, let her go dude.

No-one got it, woah, hang on, what's this, Tommy may have actually been on the nose this week? Check out the comps & results page on http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ to see if he's right.

WHO AM I? Is definitely up for grabs, and this week's clue No.4 is, ‘I could be found in the America's, but I'm not from there.'

Is it me?

Which leads us quite inexplicably to the banter on http://www.cfnr.co.uk/. And it's *Digger's last show, well last round, ding ding, well last league round. Can you believe it's been 22 weeks of the Diggsmeister? This is not the last of him though folks. He'll be around for the upcoming finals, and eau-naturally the Big GF, which is, again folks here in sunny/sometimes rainy downtown Saigon. I'll say it again, The AFL Grand Final bash - 30^th Sept - here in Saigon. See Digger for more details on digger@yahoo.com

Next on the mike is my man *Trigger, come on Trigger sing that song. Saddle up and ride your ponies, it's a winning ride. Read - analyse - punt.

Also, a bit late this week, but back with another bite is, a taste of *Grub Up, (maybe late, as cf's been out of computers this week, and it's hard to write anything without one!).

And of course, don't forget the *Bongo Massif Bro's Ugh! - coming to an ear socket near you soon

Plus TIV, poetry corner, and why not delve into the cf's archives! Plus more, much, much more.

And now folks it's rugby time: And how about that oiled machine eh? Them Blacks, they just get better and better. cf'd still like to seed them fluff it in France-land next year though. - He's still taking bets on an England retainer...

Anyway, they (Blacks) thumped the Boks 45-26 in the Loftus, which may have been the Boks fifth straight defeat, but to be fair it wasn't that easy for the Kiwi's. The Boks did actually, and cf doesn't use this word lightly, but the Boks did dominate the first twenty minutes. But then the old oily machine got the pistons running smooth, and before you knew it, a couple of break-away tries, a grip of a strangle hold and the Blacks had notched up 5 tries by the end of the game!

Jake White was gallant in defeat, but not despondent, he said, "One can't praise them enough, you have to give them credit. We gave them a lot of space. We allowed the All Blacks to play the way they wanted to." - You fools. At a missed tackle rate of about a billion, of course you let them play!

Dan Carter, as someone pointed out in the pub, has more gel on his head than...than um something that has a lot of gel, was in commanding force...again. He may have started a tad shaky, but as he says, "We actually put a big emphasis on starting well, but we didn't implement our game plan that well in the first twenty minutes. But full credit to the way the boys bounced back. We had a great second half, and we managed to rack up a few points, which is pleasing." - ‘Which is pleasing!' What's he, looking for a job on the Fast Show?

Next Boks bashing is at the Royal Bafokeng Stadium, Rustenburg - gotta love those crazy names!

Rugby short: Gareth Thomas (Wales's capt) is back from injury and playing for Toulouse again. You remember him. He's the bloke whose artery collapsed in his neck after he got so irate watching the Welsh top knobs thrash out a heated debate on the state of Welsh rugby on live telly back last February...remember? Anyway, he's back.

Right cricket now and how's the Hair eh? In it for the bucks? Planned? Will he keep his job? Here's what ICC chief, Malcolm Speed said, "I hope we can find a way for Darrell to continue, but I'm not sure that will happen, why? Because there's a lot of speculation that Darrell's career is finished, that he's compromised." - The Hair-Gate saga rolls on - Till next week folks.

Meanwhile back in busty Bristol, Strauss and his gang got a right whopping from Inzy and his revived seamers gang in the Twenty20 game. What with Shoaib Akhtar and Rana Naved back, England's batting fell by the wayside.

England were 144-7, but the Paki's won with 13 balls to spare. Mark Trescothic who made 53 said, "It's always easy to say you lose that Twenty20 game doesn't have any input on the 50 over matches. But last summer we wanted to hit Australia hard and took a lot from our Twenty20 win - so we can't have it both ways." - No cake and eating there mate, move along the bus.

And how's this; the Aussies want Hair for the Ashes. Despite the fact he'll probably be out of a job and the ump's are supposed to be neutral. Peter Young from Cricket Australia said, "The Ashes is a contest between the two best teams in the world." He goes on to imply the game needs the two best umpires, and in fact goes on to say, "The best umpires are Australian - with Simon Toulfel the No.1 and Darrell Hair very highly ranked.

The ICC meet again in Dubai this sat, but by then the Hair may already have his 500k in his back pocket - a case of Hair today - gone tomorrow.

Let me just read you something I've just read, ‘According to his friend Rory Bremner, Freddie Flintoff has a lively turn of phrase. Asked by a fan what he'd said to Brett Lee when he was seen ‘consoling' the Australian bowler after England's epic 2005 victory at Edgbaston, Freddie replied, "I Said. ‘It's 1-1 you Aussie bastard." - Bring it on.

Right, enough tosh; have some snips of tickles and a couple of slaps: There's a billion, billion new world's in orbit out there. Space rocks have formed a band of debris beyond Neptune, which are called Trans-Neptunian Objects. South Korean, Hsiang-Kuong Cham, team leader in charge of the find said, "Fortunately the space rocks are too small to need names." - Phew.

You count them

A pint of cider a day is good for you - yahoo.. It contains a chemical called phenolics, which sounds remarkably like alcoholic. But it does ward off cancer, heart disease and strokes. Boffs at Glasgow University, it had to be Glasgow eh, ‘Gis uh pin o' heavie wi' tha cider pal.' Are trying 19 different kinds of English cider apples to prove their theory - I bet they are.

Glasgow boffs at work

007 doesn't say ‘Shaken not stirred' in his new adventure Casino Royale, he merely says, ‘A dry Martini please.' - Pah, pants, not going to see that then.

Shaken not stirred

Keith Richards is facing a smoking fine of 50 quid for lighting up in and open air concert in Glasgow City's Hampen Park. Rules are rules Keeeiiifff.

Smoke em if you've got em

Meanwhile his pal Ronnie Wood has called the likes of Bono and Sir Bob Geldof pointless. He said, "I would never go into politics like Bono. Geldof and him can keep trying to the end of the earth, but it won't make a difference. I like to make people happy. Politics doesn't do that. Art does." - Right on bro.

Oasis' song ‘Live Forever' has been voted the greatest song ever, of all time - mate, according to readers of Q mag. Noel Gallacher said of his 12 year-old track, "People said after Live Forever, ‘Where are you gonna go after that?', I was like, ‘I don't think that it's that good. I think I can do better.' Arrogant git. Q mag went onto say, "Live Forever doesn't date. It satisfies a timeless need for communal joy." No.2Wonderwall. No.3 Smells like Teen Spirit. No4. A Day in the Life and No.5. One - Can you guess the artists?

Ok, lastly let's leave you with that homing pigeon that didn't quite make it home. It was in a race from Bourges, Northern France en-route to Northumberland, northern England, but somehow ended up on a remote Caribbean island, St. Eustatius. Owner, 69 year-old John Stewart said, "I'm glad she's ok and in good hands, and probably having a lovely time. But I didn't half get a shock when I found out where she was. I'm quite jealous really." This is where John gets ugly, ‘the bitch' he says, and, "I wish I was in the Caribbean rather than in the north of England. She's probably sunning herself on the beach." - ‘Bitch.' ‘Bollocks.' John now proceeds to tear up the pigeon hut during the interview, feathers fly, tempers rage, cf flees.

Antone seen a pigeon?

Keep ahead of time folks.

cf