That was the week weren't it:

The scene: Arthur Conan Doyle is reading a passage from his latest book, ‘The Lost Word' to his publisher, fool, who finds it all very interesting, although is somewhat baffled by the Doyle speak.

Arthur: ‘...a magnanimous resumption of fortitude grappled with his conscious as his grizzled hand cut swathe like into the complexion of his own mind's quite active dispersion of obtainment, simultaneously that which was real in the stem of the tulopdeon flower which clung to the grassy bank, being once hitherto the gorge of destiny, as it was so schemingly reaped from the burnt mountain's fire and brimstonic spittle, so course in its fury, yet so tranquil and radiant in its aftermath, henceforth the metaphorical seizure in his brain was so vehemently touched by such a fertile and grandiose a species from whence, no less, the hell's fire had quit it's demented roar and had burrowed back into the wee irksome abyss in the centre of his most, as aforementioned world. Sometime later, after supper, long after the last candle's flickering lament saw itself dance so wearily into the other world, did he so succinctly acknowledge his cause to a generation and life, nay, more, to the capability of bestowing animation upon a lifeless matter itself, he now sat, motionless and he searched for thrice a time that eve, so far for that was what it was, for that one solitaire elusive word that clattered the deep black void in his soul...'

fool: Arse

Arthur: you dig?

fool: Didn't understand a bloody word of it. Do people really use those words anymore?

Narrator: Sold. Enough chat. Quiz:

1. Did Arthur Conan Doyle become a Sir?

2. Shogi is a Japanese form of what game?

3. Which bird would you find in a squab pie?

4. What was Rolf Harris' first UK Top Ten hit?

5. Which famous actor played Philo Beddoe in two films?

6. Who did Australia beat when they first won cricket's World Cup?

7. What is the legendary ship The Flying Dutchman doomed to do?

8. At 2% of the body's weight, how much of the body's energy does the brain use up? A) 5% B) 12% C) 20%

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I? It didn't take long once the wheels had turned, and separating the wheat from the chaff in last week's bout was the Eagle who romped into joint leader in the sub points with the answer to these: Here are the clues to the first Big Give-away in the Big Comp; clue No.1, "Wales is my home but words are my love."  - Clue No.2: "He may not have been an author but my Arthur was a leader even though he wasn't head of the table, which was my idea by the way." - And onto this week's Clue No.3, "I didn't plan it but I did get Lanced-a-lot!" - It was of Guinevere or Guinea Fred as she was known in Welsh. Onto a brand new WAI? And clue No.1; "As fictional as life itself, I am the tattooed hate on the knuckles to a genius' love, his bane for persistence to intrigue, to solve, as opposed to as maybe aspired by many; the truth for divinities sake. I am in essence his mind's pursuit, his soul searching...his nemesis!"

is it me?

Big prizes to be won in the next couple of weeks - check the *comps and results page for all the details.

Scores at the end of week 20 in the 2008 series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in. And the Big Comp tally in sub, sub brackets, just to confuse ya.

For the Arabian speakers: ڝڛٹ ڛ

Dracule: 10 (1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 7 (1) (1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 2 (1) (1)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: A good book by Stephen King

Quote for the week:

No one said anything this week.

*Non-descript trivia moment*

THE FIVE REGULAR PLATONIC SOLIDS

Regular polyhedron...Faces

Tetrahedron...4 triangles

Cube...6 squares

Octahedron...8 triangles

Dodecahedron...12 pentagons

Icosahedron...20 triangles

fool's Gold

• Star Trek was originally going to be called ‘Wagon Train To The Stars'

• 40% of the world's newspapers are printed on paper from Canada's forests

• The director of the US Patent Office resigned in 1875 because he claimed there was nothing left to invent

Dr. Phil O'logy: our Wordman's word of the week:

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty was a powerful cannon during the English Civil War (1642-49). It was mounted on top of the St. Mary's at the Wall Church in Colchester defending the city against siege in the summer of 1648. (Although Colchester was a Parliamentarian stronghold, it was captured by the Royalists who held it for 11 weeks.) The church tower was hit by the enemy and the top of the tower was blown off, sending "Humpty" tumbling to the ground. Naturally the King's men* tried to mend him but in vain.

* The "men" would have been infantry, and "horses" the cavalry troops. The question of how, over the years Humpty managed to manifest as a large egg with facial features and limbs, is yet to be revealed...... or is it ?

(sorry Dr.Phil, but the Humpty pic didn't work)

Things that are really getting up my nose, on my goat and in my wick this week:

People who generalise, take the French for instance...

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and wine by the bucket. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam - I think! - Some cracking live music of late too folks.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. - Particularly like the new sand-pits dude.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness.

We have our usual High Mountain week scheduled for 7-14 June which is one of the best weeks we run and with the recent snow on the peaks promises to be as spectacular as ever.  We love this week and really want to fill it up so we're offering very cut price places for locals, friends and family.  If you, or anyone else you know are interested please get in touch - feel free to send this on.  Basically the price is up for negotiation depending on folk's means.  It's a suitable week for a reasonable fit person - it's not a stroll in the park.....  But you don't have to be a mountaineer either and the wish to get up there is half of the effort.  Walks are chosen to gradually accustom folk to the height, heat and usual stony ups and downs.  If you would like more information after checking out the attached info sheet (with photos!) just email.

Hoping there are some potential High Mountain walkers out there!

Un abrazo fuerte para tod@s!
Fi

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:  Best wabbit stew I've ever made - first one, but best one. Cooked up a beef and kidney casserole last night dude...blimey it was good. See what else they have here:

Butchery & Delicatess

 41 Nam Ky Khoi Nghia Street, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City.

(Nearby intersection of NKKN St and Nguyen Cong Tru St)

Open from 8.30am-8.00pm

Tel: +848 8216057 or 9144376

Email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week? - Don't forget...There's a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; will be informing us as to the going's on in the AFL world

*Trigger:  Tells us straight from the horses mouth

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in... at this rate probably not till Sept, but who knows, the fool feels something brimming!

*Tit-bits - widdle wabbits.../...no speakah de English.../...last night a.../...and a story about a little girl and some builders...

*Grub-Up - * New- New - new* - Do yourselves a flavour and get a wabbit - see the menu for cooking - I followed it then turned it into a stew - beautiful. Now I'm onto the Oyster blades - more about that next week.

Poetry Corner: Reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫...will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman - Read all the Fishman's tails in On The Pond, May ‘08' - new one out NOW folks, something to do with an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver - it's all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - you can't keep a good band down, let's hear it for...

Mr. Meaner... feel the steal

Now;

The rugby bit for rugby folk, et all; if you're not keen please move on:

What was the go this week?

This bit first:

Super 14's semis:

The Cruisers did it again at the AMI, beating the Hurricanes 33-22, in a highly paced, highly dominated and highly controlled display by the lads from Christchurch.

The big C, which I'm sure they'd hate to be called, although when teams dominate seasons it tends to stick, albeit like a malignant leach.

Anyhow, they did it again wrapping 80% of the first half territory and not really dropping below 70% throughout. Probably their only snooze came from a slow Carter clearance kick, which Zac Guildford charged down and scored from.

Then the Cruisers turned up the turbo and let their breakaways in McCaw and Read do the dirty. And when you're winning ball and playing it at the speed they set its hard to defend against, which was all the Hurricanes could do.

Tries from MacDonald either side of the break effectively wrapped things up, most notably the latter from a Kade Poki break; however the Hurricanes did respond with a cracker of their own from a weaving run from Corey Jane onto Tialata to score and Collins to convert!  - Last game before Europe perhaps?

Meeting the Crusaders at the AMI Stadium are the Tahs who beat a lowly, lowly Sharks outfit 28-13.

So one-sided was it you'd be forgiven to think the MB's took a bung. Unmistakably it was the Tah's defence that won the attack, so ferocious were they in the tackle area that turnovers were abundant, balls were spilled, and Sharks confidence well and truly sunk.

Mind you, Kurtly Beale had his fair share of forward passes, but not as many as the drop balls by Sharks loosey Epi Taione, who was subsequently told to get off the field.

The Tah's were simply hungrier, which was to show when another thumping tackle by Horne was rewarded by a spillage and a snap up run and score from Tiqiri.

Waugh was the other fella hounding Sharks all day, that and with Du Plesis' complete inability to throw in at the lineout earned Vickerman stolen ball from the Sharks lineouts. Dean Mumm helped himself to a tidy break from one of these lineouts, which Horne duly finished off.

Rocky Elsom was at every breakdown and helped himself to the shoddy Sharks scraps, his best left over fed Beale 59 seconds after the break from which he scored.

The final - well, it's anyone's game come final time isn't it? If you're a safe man (boring) the big C will get yer nine times out of ten. If you're a fool, go with the tenth.

The Heineken Cup

Beautiful, beautiful Munster beat Toulouse 17-13 at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium, in; if it was going to be a win for the ‘green men' you knew it wouldn't be too exciting in the running stakes, and they did win and no it wasn't too exciting.

But then if you're passionate about your boys and your team plays their game plan well then you'd be over the moon. The Paddy's were. Munster possess, and always have done, a great pack with a general at No.10 keeping them pinned up the other end of the park.

O'Connel and O'Gara did the masterful's for Munster, with dollops of duty from a Dennis Leamy try, which was handy because two minutes earlier the TMO denied him one.

As lock Donnacha O'Callaghan said, "It may be boring but who cares? I've got a medal in my pocket."

Some shorts:

Wasps take on Leicester at Twickenham on Saturday for the Guinness Premiership title. Wasps have been the more consistent of the two teams, but losing Danny Cipriani will be a huge blow.

Leicester's win over Gloucester the other week, an absolute cracker by the way, and the first ever win away in a play-off, gave captain Corry hope, "We've been inconsistent, but we know how to win big games." - Bet Wasps win.

Bath beat Worcester to win the European Challenge Cup then immediately signed up Kiwi and Bradford Bulls leaguey Shontayne Hape for £500k a year - I ask you...Shontayne!

Ireland beat the Baa Baa's 39-14 on Tuesday night and next head off to NZ and Australia for their first real chance of an away upset...their first ever against a NZ side.

Meanwhile England will play the Barbarians in a non-cap game on Saturday and in the absence of DC and Sgt Wilko, Hodgson gets the nod going into their Kiwi tour.

Luke McAlister reckons England will struggle with the pace in New Zealand saying, "The way the Super 14's is being played and the way the All Blacks play, I just don't think they will be able to keep up."

The Sale Sharks man is one of the few Kiwi's actually thinking of returning home, after stating he misses his little girl too much and is keen to get back playing for the Blues and Blacks again.

On the other hand Chris Masoe and Peri little shit are miffed from being left out of the NZ squad and may either head north to the Sterling or God forbid go to league.

In action for the Classic All Black's v Leicester this Sunday are: Daryll Gibson, Justin Marshall, Carlos Spencer, Carl Hayman and Troy Flavell - good luck Leicester ‘B'.

Tah's soon to be ex coach is still looking for a club and ironically the Crusaders supporters 700 strong committee have given him their approval - let's see where that one goes.

Meanwhile the Tah's centre and new lad Ben Jacobs is off to Saracens guided by the very punchable face of Eddie Jones.

Lastly the MB presidential council has decreed that overseas players can continue to play overseas and for country, stating they want to give their coach as many options as possible.

Of course, they're lying bastards because they've already told major players to get their arses back or else, well told them before European clubs had the chance to re-sign their contracts that is.

Percy, Victor and Butch James are already on their way back and John Smit has left Clermont stating, "I really wanted to continue this experience, like I said when I arrived, I wanted to experience a new culture, a new rugby. It was really too short. But our sports situation is very complicated in South Africa and I understand why the union wants to stem the tide of its players leaving.' - Please come back, but you don't have to, but did you hear what we said...

John Smit's; films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 - the fool promises!

Called the John Smit's XV, as he's the current World Cup winning captain, so we've got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

• 15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with CL) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. Simpsons 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Swings and roundabouts were the order of the day Old Trafford between England and New Zealand, and if you were a bobbing apple you'd have twice as many bites at this cherry!!!

England were happy at 111-2 until they lost six wickets for 50 runs and were 202 all out, with Vettori helping himself to five apples for 66 cherries!

Then it was the Kiwi's turn, lolliping along on 50-1 until the Sikh of Tweak bowled them over for 6-37 and ended on 114 all out.

Monty was happy and admitted he sometimes gets over-excited (no pun) "I'm told to calm down a little if I'm over appealing. I'm not in charge of my movement or where I'm running, I just appeal."

That set up a thriller for both sides with England needing 294 on day four and Strauss did most of it with a skilful 106 innings for the fifth best turnaround in England's cricket history.

Strauss has hit form since his nine month lull and since his 177 in Napier a few months ago he's knocked a 63, 60 and this 106; he said, "It was one of the more satisfying innings of my career. It's not often you get an opportunity to score a hundred in the fourth innings and help your team to win the game."

Freddie who wasn't playing, put it all down to musical instruments being allowed back at Old Trafford after three years absence and was especially pleased to see Mr Trumpet from the Barmy Army back in full bugle, with the lads behind him, "I certainly cannot wait to get back out there and hear some of that singing again."

Daniel Vettori on the other hand wasn't so upbeat, "We had high expectations of winning, so to see the game dragged away from you hurts. We may have done some good things but overall we lost a game we should have won."

England won by an innings and six wickets. Next Test next Thursday at Trent Bridge - that's where Robin Hood comes from.

Sorry, lost all notes on the Windies/ Aus game but a source did tell me Aus were 26-6 at one point - still don't believe it.

Lastly Darren Gough is retiring as Yorkshire captain at 38 and said, "I might join a pub team so I can have a couple of pints while playing with my mates." - Think I'll join him.

And that's it for this week

Till next week...

Other sports:

Tennis babe Ashley Harkelroad is to pose nude for Playboy. The Yank aged 23 said, "I thought, well, ‘I'm not really doing anything right now and I'm proud of my body." - The tennis ace wanked at 61^st in the world will be in the August edition.

And now let's hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Britain's sexiest telly ad was won by the ‘91' flake advert where that bird, model Rachael Brown, wallows in an over-flowing bathtub chomping on the chocolate charm. Second was the singer geezer model bloke Nick Kamen in the Levi's ad where he takes them off in the laundrette much to the two old ladies delight. Third was Diet Coke; one where some bare-chested dude shifts old tyres. Spokesman John Sewell said, "They say that sex sells and this proves it." - Cue naughty picture...and sit back and wait for folk to advertise on crazy fool's... back to John Sewell, "Some of the ads are nearly 20 years old, but are still in the minds of the public."

Jemal Wright is selling toilet seats with 50,000 Swaroviska crystals set in them for £40,000 a pop in Hollywood, Florida...Hollywood...Florida...something about this stinks.

The average Brit guzzles around 3,000 extra calories a week in booze. Which is nothing when you compare a smoothie or a milky coffee which are the equivalent of a MacDonald's cheeseburger, which weighs in at 450 calories, - it takes two pints to reach that much. Get this; a Starbucks large white coffee mocha with whipped cream heaves in at a whopping 619c on its own - jeez you could nearly get pissed on a couple of them!

A fifth of the kids in Britain are cutlery illiterate, in other words they don't know how to use a knife and fork, mostly because they eat with their fingers in front of the telly. Boff Amanda Kirby of the University of Wales said, "Twenty years ago lunchtime in British schools was a formal occasion, with children sitting down and a teacher at the head of a table." - Tom Brown where are you now? - That's not a joke, the fool agrees.

Crazy Rock n roll capes part XXXI:  not this week, sorry

The most expensive house in the world is on the market at ₤117m. The mansion in ‘Billionaire's Row' in Kensington Palace Gardens, West London, which was Princess Di's old haunt or present haunt as the case may be, is thought to have been snapped up by Britain's richest man; steel tycoon Lakshmi Mittel 57 who bought the pad for his 32 year-old son Aditya, well he has got ₤27.2b of the stuff.

Talking of cash, John Webber's granddad gave him an old cup decades ago, which he played with for a while as a boy then it just ended up in the loft. After packing up to move house he came across it again and thought there was more to the 5.5inch cup with two ladies faces on it looking in opposite directions adorned with snake motifs on their foreheads. So he took it to the British Museum where they surmised it to be made of pure gold, unique and dated from the 3^rd or 4^th century BC, probably from around the Achaemeind Empire, Persia or modern day Iran, and in auction this week will probably fetch around £500k. John said, "My grandfather was a proper rag and bone man from Romany stock and lived in a caravan before forming a scrap metal company." - All those years you struggle to pay the mortgage eh - but if you're looking for something make sure it's unique.

JK Rowling on the other hand is worth ₤560m and has just written another book for charity. The 800 word Harry Potter story was scribbled on both sides of an A5 story card, and who knows what kind of cash that could raise for English PEN a literature organisation for Dyslexic Action. - You'd think that story might go somewhere wouldn't you...but nope.

Peter Kay corner - very Cooper-esque; Universal truth: "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

Six caged lions ate their 49 year old keeper as he stepped in the cage to deliver water in Uitspan game farm in South Africa. All that was left of him were a couple of fingers and his intestines. Eh, dey were after deliver man! (Can't do the accent)

Mind you the biggest flying creature that roamed our land used to do his hunting on foot. The prehistoric azhderchid, which is a giant reptile with a 10m wing-span was thought to eat fish, after Portsmouth University boff Dr. Darren Naish studied their fossil distribution and a couple of footprints. He surmised they had small feet and a stiff neck and were, ‘terrestrial stalkers' just like a stalk, but lived 65m years ago - just in time to deliver man!!

Sydney Pollack's dead, but before he went he directed these films: Tootsie, Out of Africa, The Talented Mr. Ripley and Cold Mountain, he also appeared in Frasier and The Sopranos. Well done Syd, you really did del... no ok, too much.

Lastly a UFO has been reported to have exploded over the skies of a South Vietnamese island. The neighbouring Cambodian Air Force reported a mysterious plane crash then retracted their statement, whilst Vietnamese fisherman said they heard a huge explosion then later collected shards of metal which were strewn along the coastline, some as big as 1.5m's long. Vietnamese media said, "The explosion happened about five miles above the ground and perhaps it was a plane, but authorities could not identify whether it was a civilian or military aircraft." - crazy fool's very own reporter on Phu Quoc Island, Fishman, said that he can confirm that it was not an exploding monkey, and will report back as soon as more news comes in.

Just nod if you can hear me...

just cf it

cf