23rd - 29th December 2011 volume 464
December, 28th 2011 12:09 PM

“A little less conversation

A little more action”

(Elvis)


You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – that has lots, lots more!

  

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

 

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 29.12.11  

                                        

For elements of 5001 Squadron, Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

 

 

Bottoms up

A Portuguese police chief was suspended this week after wishing his staff ‘incredible sexual relations’.

 

In a power point to 15,000 municipal staff in Coimbra; Euclides Santos aroused the crowd with slides of scantily clad women, which were also broadcast on TV, and said,

 

‘Enough with insensitive and useless words, what I wish you from the bottom of my heart, is that you have incredible sexual relations, live a merry and happy life, work hard and get paid well.’

 

Probing further police chiefs finally got to bottom of the situation, and realised he meant well, but suggested it was unnecessary to outline his Christmas message with inappropriate images, which incidentally took them three days to scan, deliberate and finally make their decision.


A bank too far

A bank robber in Tampa Bay, Florida was arrested when he returned to a bar to finish his beer after robbing the Wells-Fargo bank in Port Richey.

 

John Robin Whittle 52, entered the Hayloft Bar, ordered a beer then disappeared, only to return 30 minutes later to quaff his remaining drink.

 

Police arrested him ten minutes later saying he didn’t bother making a get away and, ‘couldn’t let a good beer go to waste’.

 

Unlike the OAP bank robber in California, known as the ‘geezer bandit’, whom FBI believe is a young man wearing a mask following a string of witness reports to 20 robberies who say his hands and face are a ‘bit dodgy’, coupled with CCTV footage at which the assumed 60-70 year old runs away from the scene like a gazelle.

 

Meanwhile a 57 year-old un named man in Osnabruck, Germany awaits trial after robbing a bank, which has been closed for 20 years.

 

Armed with a toy gun he took a female hostage, who he thought was a bank employee and tried to hold up what is now a physiotherapy practice.

 

The man exclaimed he was trying to exercise his right to free will, which yes, I know is incredibly poor, but is the best I could up with during this mentally festive week.


 

 (sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Labouring on the false overtones of free will, it has taken an eon to translate the notion of being able to do what you want without its consequences cluttering up the required avenues of a good plan, nevertheless, you are free to do it and should the authorities judge your perception of outcomes differently then to hell with those knockers and begrudgers, because with all good intentions is it delivered, however, intertwined with the ever foggy idealism of what is right, regardless, whether the law’s full length deterring arm was installed in the first place to waver a no-no wagging finger to brain smashed up Fun Loving Criminals who prattle on about running around robbing banks all whacked off of Scooby snacks, it is still astonishing that a medical centre should be confused with a bank, but then I suppose banks have that clinical edge these days that might confuse anyone and left to hanker on the perplexities of clearly being as mad as a box of frogs a bank robbers lot in this day n age is not a simple and clear cut to perhaps the Clash’ day when everything was in your face and down the end of a barrel, although they assured us their daddy never hurt anyone, presuming of course the cosh he may have used was a black pudding and the insurance firm picked up the tab anyway, but it’s the moralistic free will that spurs folk to misdamean, for they have that choice of looting their way through life, one that most wouldn’t pick, nor should be encouraged I may add, but at least in some respects its an honest days work, nestled on a Robin Hood smokescreen which is that ever increasing fog in the aforementioned rule book, that lingers rather surreptiously around white collar corporations given credence to acceptability of the will that was borne free as stipulated by Cream as they walked down the street and there’s no-one there but the pavement’s one huge crowd thus is the ever correlating avenue of mis and its conception that epitomised the hazy days of Creams hey day, as they reflected so vehemently in Juice the other day over a steaming bowl of eggs in a clay pot that wafted through time’s elapsation of odorous delights such as the crispy burnty bits that are indeed the essence of crunch, flavour and delight, just as Jack Bruce promised such a revitalised rendition one day in Legend Recording Studio Phuket, where it has so become the synonymous nest for the meetings of one famous dish to another – Juice’s eggs in a clay pot and Legend, that’s where you know your free, said he, and that’s why Jack shall have this weeks; Get It Off Your Chest Request in the form of his master piece – Jack, this is for you…

 

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies.  'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?'  'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 


crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

 

 


www.highstylecondominium.com

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news


 

*A 40cm flatfish has been hiding in an aquarium for the past 15 years unnoticed. The bottom dwelling sand sole was found in the 40,000 litre tank in the Blue Planet Aquarium in Cheshire following a routine clean. There are no records of a flatfish on their books. Curator Colin grist said, ‘We’ve called him Nemo, because we’ve found him, just like in the film – except we didn’t know we were looking.’

 

*Elephants have six toes to distribute their bulk

 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching


 

*A felt tip was removed from the stomach of a woman after it had been there for 25 years… and it still works. The 76 year-old swallowed it in the 80’s after she used it to hold her tongue down while looking at her tonsils in the mirror. Because it never showed up on x-ray, no one believed her… till now.

 

*Mel Gibson gave his wife Robyn, £272m in a divorce settlement, thought to be the highest in Hollywood circles. He did have £545m so he’s not short of a few bob, but only last year he also gave his old girl friend; Russian Pianist Oksana Grigorieva £460,000, so he’d better choose his next girlfriend wisely – not Heather Mills whatever you do Mel.

 

*The world masturbating champion is Masanobu Sato at 9hours 58 mins – yeah, that breaks his old record of 9hr 33 – and yeah, that’s aroused, no ejaculating and on show at the masturbate-a-thon which was held in San Fran this week; he says sometimes he gets his girlfriend to help him, but this is a family show.

 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

 


 

Other news