‘That's it, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap...tap the whole day through, oh bust, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust...bust a gut, gut, gut too. You got it bro. Sheeez, the next 25 years are gonna be a breeze.'

Michael Bolton's 25yr sentence of bashing rocks on Devil's Island for an offensive and degrading mullet was considerably eased by Walt's perky tunes.

when things don't go right give a little whistle

‘Whistle while you work Hitler is a twerp, he's half barmy, so's his army, whistle while you work.' And other such coffee perk o'laters that uplift, rejuvenate and untwine the hairy noose of drudgery of which time and whence and twice hitherto will convert all the snail's momentum of this world's irksome and oft insipid pace of events that we insist on calling our ‘with it' existence. ‘More ale wench, NOW!' Does the world get faster or do we start to slow down? Where was I? Oh yeah, I wanted to talk about masters, and one bloke who got it right was Biologist Luther Burbank who said, "Men should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects." - Yeah I'd like to see the flea that could jump the walls of Geronimo!

But enough twaddle; ears this:

1. Who was the actor with the rather slanted and dodgy Eastern accent would say ‘master' after hoofing it barefoot through the hot sand?

2. Who co-wrote "Fawlty Towers" with John Cleese?

3. Who had a 70's No.1 hit with "Silver Lady"?

4. Which Disney film includes the song, "Heigh Ho"?

5. What is the slowest swimming stroke?

6. How many lines are in a sonnet?

7. What is foolscap?

8. The capitals of the following countries all begin with the letter K. Name them. A) Afghanistan B) Ukraine C) Sudan.

Last week's answers, as always, sometimes, on http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ if they're not there, there's always a new comp of some sort. Why not have a go at rubber tree wrestling, rubber tree dancing, rubber tee arguing or just plain old rubber tree origami. Or just try and spot this week's ball.

In the WHO AM I? week No. zillion has rapidly approached and none is none the wiser! Next clue; "His first name is a bit like Trump's and I shift him from job to job!"

Is it me?

Right, a word from our sponsors; Juice; bones. ‘Ooh yeah'. GTM; arse - ‘sweet' Blue Gecko; shoehorn. ‘Oh crazy man crazy'. Bootlace; rapture. ‘that's what I'm talking about'. And Vasco's; vice. ‘Woah, feather man, feather'.

In our regular slide of http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ *Digger's got his pencil sharpened this week; are you's a Swan or an Eagle? Either way, if you aint down the Legend Hotel for the AFL Grand Final weekend then you aint down the Legend Hotel for the AFL Grand Final this weekend! *Trigger; Gotta love a horse eh. El Segundo's the man...horse! Have you tried Paul's yoghurts potatoes yet? Been tittled in the tit-bits? And for the love of God, where's dem dere Bongo Massif Bro's?

Rugby; have neigh neither the info nor the inclination today, suffice to say Bristol ...Bristol are top of the English Guinness Premiership. Watch out for scrum half, Shaun Perry. He'll be wearing the No.9 shirt come Bonfire night in November against the Blacks - ex England captain Richard Hill says of him, "Perry's one of the best. The closest I can come to it, in all-round terms, of the great Welshman Terry Holmes." He was about 6ft 1 as cf can recall, which was quite tall for a scrum half, back in the 80's.

Here's a point; how arrogant do you think sportsmen can get? Lomu wants 500k (Kiwi) dollars for an All Black contract - is he nuts? The man's played a couple of games for Cardiff and a turn out here and there for North Harbour and he's, or should I say his managerial wife, is asking for a contract to play for his country. Dream on Jhonny.

Stirling Mortlock, that typical Scots name for an Aussie, will skipper the Wallabies on their, what will be a thrashing of a tour in Europe (Didn't say a thrashing to who eh!) in the autumn. And Gregan's got no guarantee of getting his head polished on that outing!

Despite the slating cf gives to the little baldy most weeks he actually admires the wee Gregan fella, but, and only a marginal but, but he's got a far more respectful slant for the hard nosed font rower in Jason Leonard. He ...he, the barking mad lad from Barking, London agrees with the cf himself... being that England WILL retain the world Cup in frog land in 2007!!! - Despite having 23 players missing through injury in their first training session last week - that was 23 out of 40!

Let cf give you some re-assurance as to his wild English claims of potential victory next year; having a dire season doesn't always denote failure, as in the great Jason Leonard's words, "Before the 1991 World Cup, Australia were getting thumped by everyone. Two years prior to South Africa winning the 1995 World Cup they were getting beaten by everyone as they came out of isolation." - Don't let pride for or against the Poms get in your way - if the English don't win the French will!

And now this

Right, cricket; Geoff Boycott's gonna veto on the side of Inzy in his court appearance this week. Veto - is that the right word? Anyway, it's simply because he can find no substantial evidence to prove that any ball tampering by him or anyone else in the team occurred way back when cricket had a credible name.

And Warney's about to get fined by his own side, Hampshire, for delivering ‘dolly drops' to Lancashire when they didn't declare. He said, "It was a poor show by them. They lacked the spirit of cricket." - Well said that man who only a week ago slagged off his national coach for being nothing more than a bus!

Can you do the fandango?

The Ryder Cup, well I suppose you have to; Europe won by 18 1/2 to 9 1/2 (means nothing to me) at Dublin's K Club - the city that keeps getting bigger and bigger! And Darren Clarke showed us why Yanks are tossers and their cancerous sit-coms are crap fuelled by shite and humour deficiency, and their expert ability to plasticate anything that is supposed to mirror real life - he (Darren) said, "My Guinness drinking ability was the only reason I was brought into the team." - In fact he didn't say anything to prove the Yanks neurotically paranoid world of seriousness, glum and phoney - that was just cf!

Is that your missus Tiger?

Ok, in Britain the Good Pub Guide celebrates its 25^th anniversary this week, and many pubs are slashing prices to 1982 prices - that's 62p a pint!

say no more

I'm not all together with it this week, so as a treat you can review one of the earlies of cfn, from way back when, circa...2001. Come to think of it nothing much happened in that one either, but it's good to reflect. -check out http://www.cfnr.co.uk/

was that in crca...2001?

Anyway, this story made me tickle. About Heather ‘peg' Mills who was refused into Sainsbury's (English supermarket) by a ‘jobsworth' employer. "Excuse me Heather, you know you're not allowed in here, you know the situation." Heather replied, "For Christ's sake, that was years ago. Do you really think I'm going to shoplift now? I've moved on from there." - Yes, it was 20 years ago, and has she really moved on? Paul?

Heather's only hope

Right, lads, apparently we're getting half as much nookie as our old man did! Half of that would be great! A Hamburg / German study showed that the average male gets it 10 times a week compared to his dad who in his day used to get it 20 times - no way, I'm not having it...I don't! Prof Frank Sommer said, "Men no longer have the energy or time after a hard days work to invest in sex. Their jobs absorb all their strength." - How vorsprun dirk technically put by the Kraut.

Meanwhile an erotic woman's mag, ‘Scarlett' polled 500 women and found that 44% pleasured themselves 2 or 3 times a week. An unnecessary news item?...Do you think so...?

Pleasure beats a faster drum.