Crazy Fool's Newsround - 21st - 27th March 08 volume 276 part II

21st - 27th March 08 volume 276 part II
March, 27th 2008 09:30 AM

According to a poll of 5000 people by UKDating, the worst ever first-date meal is spaghetti bolognaise or spag bowl as it is more commonly known. Oysters were second, which is strange considering their aphrodisiac connections – too forward perhaps? Giant burgers were third – want fries with that? Then garlic bread and mushrooms, and fifth was a bloody rare steak – and that’s the third time I’ve used the word fifth in this week’s cfn edition!

Psychologists have found that men who are better looking than their spouses are more likely to be unhappy – ain’t that the truth! In that case it’s obvious to presume that if the wife were better looking than both would be more content. Dr. A Ross said, “Men who have an attractive wife are seen as having positive personality traits.” – Have you ever heard anything so crap – that’s why psychologists should be rounded up and shot – preferably in China!

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque; Universal truth: Old ladies can eat more than you think.

A newly built luxury yacht has been described as a floating island. The 325ft long and 59ft wide playground has the usual trappings of pool and tennis court, blah, blah, but this one also has its own garden. It has a 40 man crew and can cater for 24 guests. Wally Yachts, the designers have called it Wally Island and it has fuel tanks big enough to keep it cruising for five years! Anything longer than 220ft is called a megayacht – this one they call a gigayacht. Monica Paolazzi who works for the Monaco based designers said, “This will appeal to someone who wants to be completely independent.” – On a completely dependable crew naturally.

Right, lastly; the first creature to ever have sex was not Raquel Welsh in 2000BC but a 12 inch long rope-like sea organism called Funisia Dorothea 570m years ago. Or Dot for short. That was approximately 30m years before anything else, including Warren Beatty.

Mary Dosser of the University of California said, “We are seeing possibly the very first instance of sexual reproduction in animals on our planet.” Guess where they found them? – The Aussie Outback.

Rachael Wood from the University of Edinburgh echoed Dosser’s completely sceptical guess work by saying, “Funisia had close-packed growth, allowing us to presume this organism reproduced sexually.” – Possibly…presumably…tosh!

Other primitive animals that get their kicks in this close-packed manner are sponges and coral – it’s hard to imagine coral doing it…makes you wonder about sponges too – it’s tantamount to rubbing sex all over yourself in the shower!