21st - 27th jan 2011 volume 416
January, 26th 2011 20:45 PM

“We chased our pleasures here

Dug our treasures there”

(Doors)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 27.1.11                                           

For 4th Battalion The Yorkshire Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

Treasures of the deep

Dubai’s man-made world archipelago is sinking and with it the idealisation of entombing man’s wealth unto the halcyon depths of the afterlife.

 

Silting sands between the nations confirms terra firma is knee deep in the big blue wobbly stuff, since its financial foundations dried up after the big freeze a few years ago.

 

Richard Wilmot-Smith a QC for a company that ferries people to the islands conceded, “They are gradually falling back into the sea.”

 

Although developer Nakheed is adamant that 70% of the world’s 300 countries have been sold, albeit Greenland is the only inhabited, and that’s a show-boat for the rest.

 

Since the Dubai World Bank bailed out the monetary bilges to the tune of £18m in 2009 John O’Dolan who bought Ireland for £24m has committed suicide and Safi Qurashi who forked out £43m for Britain is doing 7 years in a Dubai nick for bouncing cheques.

 

However, Nakheed is confident these ‘Pyramids of the 21st century’ will go ahead; “This is a project which will be completed.” He said then confirmed new developers Patrick Duffy and Son will be taking over proceedings.


 

 

 

Bloody oath it is

In the wake of over 100 arrests of Mafia Kingpins in New York it seems organised crime has lost some of its valour.

 

A dawn swoop nabbed 127 members from the Gambinos (richest), Genovese, Luccheses (smallest), Bonnannos; whom Donni Brasco famously joined in the 70’s, The Colombos (glass eyed mob) and De Cavalcantes, who inspired the Sopranos were charged with anything from tax evasion to murder.

 

Despite the lucrative spawning of countless cinematic productions Attorney General Eric ‘Elliot Ness’ Holder was quick to refute the morals of organised crime;

 

“Suspects as Jack the Whack, The Fang, Bobby Glasses, Tony Bagels, Vinnie Carwash, Johnny Cash and Junior Lollipops are amongst the most dangerous criminals in our country.”

 

“The vow of silence that is part of the oath of Omerta is more myth than reality today.”

 

 

Keeping abreast of the situation

When a Chinese builder queued 5 hours for a train ticket only to be told they’d sold out he flipped.

 

Chen Weiwei marched into the station master’s office and in his words; “I showed him just what I thought of his station by taking off all of my clothes.”

 

In Poland there is a new game based on Monopoly called Queue where players queue for everyday goods such as bread and toilet paper. Instead of Community Chest and Chance cards you get positive and negative choices whereby you can jump a queue if you know someone in the communist party or the negative would be a closure of a shop due to ‘decadence’.

 

But back to taking your clothes of and Miss Amber Dittrich 21 from Brighton Iowa was found wandering naked near an intersection after she crashed her car.

 

Amber was treated for a minor ankle injury and arrested for being as high as a kite!

 

Meanwhile a drunken Russian lady, Angelika 41, was arrested after neighbours complained of her running amok on the balcony of a block of flats, naked and singing.

 

When police were called she tried to escape down the rubbish chute but got trapped between floors 8 and 9.

 

A policeman said, “When we arrived we slid back the access booth and the first thing we saw were her naked breasts sticking out.” – Which then promptly found themselves on Youtube – hang on, rope, safety net, blanket – no, camera!

 

 

Name dropping

Dave Hocky is taking his blow up dolls on a £16k holiday to England and the States.

 

The 57 year-old Canadian bound for Stonehenge, the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls says he’s been doing it for years and there is in fact quite a fraternity of so dubbed ‘idollators’.

 

His wife doesn’t mind either, saying, “she understands it is a hobby’.

 

On this trip he is taking Realdoll, Bianca and Teddy Babe Doll. He’s an old hand of such trips and has in the past been skydiving with Realdoll, horseback riding and Harley Davidson cruising.

 

Dave escorts the 90lb lady’s in a wheelchair which inevitably turns heads in hotels and in his time has splashed out £1,270 on designer clothes, expensive lingerie from Fredericks of Hollywood and wigs at £38 a pop.

 

Amongst his collection are Samantha, Miyuka, Jessica, Janelle and Nika then in the lifesize range; Jessica, Gabrielle, Lilly, Ruby and Jenny.

 

Dave says, “I think the dolls are pretty – any man is lying if he says they aren’t.”

 

 

Meanwhile German dentist Dr Marie Catherine Klarkowski has found a remedy to take patients mind off the pain. All her staff wears the traditional low cut ‘dirndl’ as fashioned at customary celebrations such as Oktoberfest.

 

The staff are more than happy to oblige, she says, ‘Competition doesn’t sleep.”

 

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Deacon Blue are not exactly a band to get your teeth into but this reminds fool of his mate…’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Is that Deacon Blue?' Dave

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balance on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.’

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 Next instalment on Saturday 5th Feb is…

POSTPONED due to organ failure!

Look out for a date the end of Feb/ early March –

 

 WATCH THIS SPACE                                                                                   !

 

However, it will be starring:

Screaming Hypocrites

 

 

Chris & Louise

 

Tap Egavas

 

 

With raffle proceeds, for some excellent prizes I may add, going to

 

 

www.100friends.org

 

Plus, don’t forget Sa’s infamous massaman!


these just in - contact the fool if you'd like one; 500THB/ 10 quid or 16 Greenbacks (not including P&P, which is roughly $6 worldwide

And now…Pacharan Saigon presents…

 

 

 

 

 

Or how about owning a condo in paradise?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

 

*Two robbers in Florida snorted the ashes from a dead man’s urn and his two pet dogs thinking it was cocaine – easy mistake.

 

*An island in the Bahamas is inhabited solely by pigs. Big Major Cay was a stopping point for sailors who left pigs there as a source of food. Now nobody goes there except modern day crews who dump unwanted food off shore, which the pigs swim out to scavenge.

 

*Factory worker Ghazl Adra from Australia found $30,000 on a train and handed it in. The 68 year-old Muslim said his faith would not allow him keeping it. – Book 16 vestal virgins Allah, we got a live one.

 

 

Number crunching

 

*80 year-old Gerald Sanctuary has just found his car 3 years after parking it at an NCP car park in St Albans Hertfordshire. The Honda fired up straight away

 

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and the mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 
 

 

Other news