Crazy Fool's Newsround - 20th - 26th Feb 09 volume 318

20th - 26th Feb 09 volume 318
February, 26th 2009 03:56 AM

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: A small injury has prevented fool from composing this week

Narrator: Wahoo, (Champagne pops, birds sing once again…)

1. Who sang the intro tune?

2. Who’s album True Blue was No.1 in 28 countries?

3. When Eric Weiss escaped from his name he was known as who?

4. In which sport is there a piste other than skiing?

5. What are you doing if you are mendicanting?

6. If you were using Dutch or Diaper Bonds what would you be doing?

7. Which license in the UK was abolished in 1988 after 192 years?

8. What illness, as depicted in The Madness of King George, runs in the British royal family? A) Porphyria B) Haemophilia C) Schizophrenia

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? – 2009 – Heaps of entries from Sammy Davis Jnr to Al Pacino, which are all wrong so it seems everyone and his bride and dog are foxed – oh deer, what a sham, that’s earmuff, I can’t bear it, get on with the next clue. But first the old ones; Clue No.1, “One of my best outfits frog-marched me all the way to a No.1 best seller.” – Clue No.2, “You’d be surprised that I got my eyes re-focussed back in 1976.” And Clue No.3. “Fuzzy haired at four years old in 1970, this is the year I also got my scar!” Up to clue No.4; “I made a comeback in 93 but I wasn't the same"

is it me?

For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 7 in the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in:

For those on steroids:

Dracule: 1, (1)

Legal Eagle: 1, (1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Quizmaster: zip

Casualty: zip

Others: bugger all

Quote(s) for the week:

Isn’t it embarrassing when you cough up a hairball and it isn’t your colour

Harry Hill

*Non-descript trivia moment*

SOME NOUNS OF ASSEMBLAGE

A malapertness of peddlers

A spring of teals

A gang of elk

A murmuration of starlings

a suit of sails

fool’s Gold

Women blink nearly twice as much as men

Renoir had to paint with the brush tied to his fingers because of rheumatism

Adolf Hitler left school with no qualifications

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

HOTTIMITZ (UK) - popular term for banjo players using forks to eat soup in hell

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Being hungover and the feeling of having been beaten after touring with the Saigon Dirty Geckos for the weekend – Not so bad, but with a slipped a disc it precipitates a mild grievance to say the least, not so bad again, you live with it. Just to add spice to the placid interruptions that are slowing up your day to day life which you’re just getting used to and over with, you hurtle down concrete stairs at 6.30 in the morning having hopped out of the shower in order to answer the kettle, which yes, is still the old fashioned whistling variety, and suddenly find yourself in mid air talking to your Granddad knowing full well the next hit will be your last and sure enough you land with a thump, crack your elbow, ankle, neck but most of all, no, not the olde back, but the back ribs, the back baby ribs, the baby back ribs, which of all your body parts contains no fattening cushion – ‘uck, them ribs hurt after a while, and as the pain really starts to kick in you realise why it was that you originally wanted to write about the old men in Saigon who ride their bikes with such a crooked posture and look as if they’re really cracking the throttle to it’s full max that their spine twists, the elbow dips and wrist flips upwards on the grip giving it its full force slug, yet they’re only pushing 20mph max. They are positioned like that, and for life I may add, because they’ve got a busted a spine and rib – BASTARDS!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Touring with the Saigon Dirty Geckos

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia #6

very stylish

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks. – I hear things are going Bacardi Loco!

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness.

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD: Mate, back on the minced lamb and by golly its good – Got any pies?

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Porcini steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – available from Vino, Saigon – I’m coming after yer Jim!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s there now – pretty good to catch this week’s Six Nations on.

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember, there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left, but in the meantime the fool recommends these:

*Digger; will try not to get ancy with the soft cock AFL organisers

*Trigger: plays the price right – try him

*cf's new radio show: - OUT NOWish – new and improved, with all the buttons – use them, they’re fun - Next one out – Soon, soon, very soon – maybe next week!

*Tit-bits – .../...Irish medical dictionary…/…Essex girls…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – although now slightly old* - Slice o' snake n pigmy pie with bogies is still doing the rounds whilst fool steady’s his kitchen. I’m making it this weekend if you’re interested? – Made it, loved it, ate it all in one sitting – 750g’s of the beast! – Although it was without the pie, kidney’s and oysters.

*Poetry Corner: Still reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment – try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ ♫…will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*old...Fishman...old...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, May ‘08’ – new one coming soon folks! But for now catch up on the exploding monkey, lesbian divers and may The Dog be with you!

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – …that’s right, studio B…

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie – there’ll be some frozen pickings soon and perhaps a round of Sumo, if you’re in Saigon – coming soon…

Now then, you’re just in time for the rugby bit, dun, dun, duuun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen, do move on:

The Super 14’s bed’s itself in the early stages and some teams have been slow to get up, whilst the early risers are no surprise. Meanwhile over in the English domestic Guinness Premiership everyone’s got their eye on qualifying in the last four. And, heads up, we’ve got another bout of RBS Six Nations this week.

In an even Stevens encounter at the Subiaco in Perth the Force ticked off their first win; 16-10 over the Cheetahs. The Force noticed that winger Daniel Demus wasn’t too clever under the high ball, nor the grub and pummelled him all day. And to be honest that went for most of the MB’s backline bar full back Henni Daniller who tackled everything that came at him. Saying that Daniel did get a toe on a lose ball and won the chase for a score. The Git and young lad O’Connor played well.

The Tah’s beat the Chief’s 11-7 in a scrappy affair in Sydney, which held nothing more exciting than a drop goal from Kurtley Beale. Chief’s half back Brendon Leonard had another cracker and is still bald.

If you thought that game was boring try the Sharks’ 25-10 win over the Lions in Durban. A 3-1 try line may sound good but the whole show was riddled with missed tackles from the MB’s and errors from the other MB’s. Again, the talk of the town was a drop goal from Earl Rose, although Kockott and Kankowski had good games and Bismark du Plessiss got into a fight.

At the Loftus Versfeld The Bulls made easy then hard then easy work of a very under strength Blues side and tallied 59 points over 26. Habana opened the first of four quickies in the first quarter with only one return from Rene Ranger. The game eventually saw 11 tries in total with the Blues causing a brief upset in the middle of the game then two had to leave the field and with 13 men the last 20 minutes became easy pickings for the Bulls with Pierre Spies taking two tries and the best chances of the day.

The Stormers held onto their 27-5 lead at half time in Newlands before the Reds rallied back in the final quarter with 19 more points of their own making the final sums 27-24. Stormers boss Rassie Erasamus barracked his own team for leaving the door open and also tilted his head quizzically at the Reds’ touch rugby like moves saying, “It’s almost a cliché but the way the Reds play makes it very difficult to defend.” And, “We are not happy with the way we played but happy with the four points.” – Make your mind up.

In the result of the weekend the Brumbies snuck a try in the 79^th through Mark Gerrard after 11 phases with Mortlock the man to hit it between the sticks which saw them pass the Crusaders 18-16 in Canberra. The Crusaders may have been without big guns McCaw, Brad Thorn and Leon MacDonald who still looks like an elf, but that didn’t stop them playing a very effective game that has boded well in the past, even though they didn’t win. The little possession they did have earned them top billing at half time 11-8. George Smith had a mixed game, flipping a back pass in a moment of madness for Casey Laulala to latch onto and run in the 50 metres to score. He did make amends though by passing a decent ball to Christian Leafiifano who in turn also had a mixed game – come on laddie, you’re on my fantasy team. Apart from that there wasn’t much other excitement, no real attacking, but there was some good solid defence on both sides.

Over in Bob Dylan country the Hurricanes deserved their first win of 2009 - 22-17 over the Highlanders, where the TMO clearly helped the ex-Scottish outfit and another $100 would have sealed them deserved winners instead. Daniel Bowden, Hosea Gear and Jason Eaton hung around the ball in the in goal area where it emerged as plane as day that Daniel who came up trumps with the pigskin had no downward pressure to warrant a try. In another twist of controversy Nonu and Conrad Smith, both controversially dropped this week made it on in the second half and virtually turned the game around for the ‘canes. What’s going on there then?

In England’s domestic league the Cip’s boot denied the Saints 9-5, with the only try coming from Ben Foden. The Cip didn’t do much and is highly unlikely we’ll see him in England’s No.10 jersey this weekend but Wasps have won eight of the last ten and are now only 14 points adrift of fourth place and the play-offs.

Harlequins continue to be talk of the island beating table toppers Gloucester 14-9 and themselves only three points away from the play-offs. David Strettle’s still banging on doors and the fool rates him just fine, Dave said, “We have been a good team for a season or two but now we believe we can win any game.” – On his own form; “I’m confident that, when I’m playing my best rugby, I’ll be in contention for an England shirt.”

Leicester floored Worcester 38-5 with Sam Vesty enjoying stepping in for Flood who is on England duty and suggests their new look style is just the tonic; “We’ve been given a license to play and attack

And in the West Country Bath drew with London Irish 20 a piece. Shane Geraghty played well and is obviously enjoying the lure of France, not personally but his competition. He says, “A move to France wouldn’t enhance my England career

Some Shorts:

He’s right too, because although Goode is currently in the England set up and plays in Brive he is still only third choice. French clubs, with their lack of salary caps are trebling the UK’s wages, and have also said that players will be released for national games, but that doesn’t incorporate the training camps, the weeks off club duty here and there in preparation for playing for your country – here then lies the problem.

fool’s Six Nations predictions:

France play Wales in Paris. It’s the big one. The cock and leek story. I’d suggest Wales didn’t have a plan ‘B’ against England and when denied their quick ball looked vulnerable, ordinary even. Also France haven’t clicked yet have they. Snippets of brilliance against Ireland have kept us guessing as to whether they can pull off the big ones – excuse the camp ‘Carry On’s’

fool says France 30 Wales 28

In Ireland’s Croke Park you wouldn’t give too many an opposition a chance when they’re on form, but England showed us something against Wales we hadn’t seen for a while – belief. But believe me the Irish are full of belief themselves and some might say even out believe the English, whom I don’t believe have stored enough belief in themselves. But then do you remember World Cup 2007!

fool believes Ireland 21 England 25 (dependant on how many yellows they get)

Scotland have an uphill mental battle regards playing Italy. An Italy are owed their dues. They’ve earned them before in Murrayfield, but they won’t do it again, not this time any how. Because the Scottish are also looking for some pay back and right now, they’re a decent side and they’ll show the Iti’s that.

fool says Scotland 33 Italy 23

I’m done.

Call the fool if you want to back against England for the 2011 cup – too late! Yes, he has had had two takers – and yes, he is now upping the anti to 2015 – and yes, the betting window for 2011 is closed – so up yours.

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008-ahem-2009 – the fool promises! – Only two to get. Please call now: please, someone call…

Called the John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.?

There’s a free tshirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it.

end rugby here!

look at the hairarse on that

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Come in Sir Allen your time is up. You see, that’s what happens when you let Yanks into cricket – they’ll fuck it up for you, that’s what.

About ₤8.6m in prize money has gone up the swanny down the drain and around the Digicel boardroom or is it Dodgy-sell.

ECB chief exec David Collier and Chairman Giles Clarke are taking a lot of flak from the old school ties and rightly so, with the best coming from Rod Bromsgrove, the Hampshire boss who described the situation as, “a tacky relationship with a tacky person”

The ECB are also looking into to pulling the can or is it the switch, no rug, whatever, they’ll delving into the right to pull the plug… that’s it…and dragging Fred out of his ₤540k pay day for his 3 weeks work in the IPL. They’re referring to his hip replacement op which looks only to be a few balls away – he’s only 31!

Meanwhile Ricky Ponting played the holier than though card for the press when he turned down an IPL spot for the Kolkata Knight Riders saying, “Our priorities are to be in the best physical and mental shape we can be for the Australian side and it doesn’t get any more important than the games we’ve got coming up.”

Australia kick off their first Test in South Africa today whilst England start their Fourth in Barbados – their currently one nil down – work that out!

Till next week…

Other sports:

Nope

darn

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

No, in fact I’ll have to cut it short here this week folks as I need more milk and alcohol – normal service should resume next week – meanwhile I’ll see you out with a picture or two…