Crazy Fool's Newsround - 20th -26th Nov 09 volume 356

20th -26th Nov 09 volume 356
November, 25th 2009 15:46 PM

“Peeling the skin back from my eyes, I felt surprised

That the time on the clock was the time I usually retired

To the place where I cleared my head of you;

But just for today, I think I’ll lie here and dream of you

I’ve got you under my skin where the rain can’t get in,

But if the sweat pours out, just shout I’ll try to swim and pull you out”

(The The)

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: fool is in trap one, Captain Hook in trap two, the croc in trap three

fool: ooh, rats, out of paper

Captain Hook: Ooh rats wrong hand

Crocodile: tick-tock, tick-tock…

Narrator: …Crocodiles do not speak.

Don’t talk it…do it

1. How many species of crocodile are there?

2. Who wrote the famous pirate novel ‘Treasure Island”?

3. What is made by a testator?

4. Which Italian area produces Chianti?

5. “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was a novel which argued against what?

6. What colour is puce?

7. The town of Newcastle is in which Australian state?

8. What is a centaur? A) half-human, half-bull B) Half-horse, half-griffin C) half-horse, half-human

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

After the huge success of cf’s Quiz Night at the Zone Bar last week, we’re due another, but not sure of dates yet because I haven’t done the questions – stay tuned.

WHO AM I? – 2009 – Their getting too easy and the eagle’s getting too quick – he’d phoned in last week just as I’d sent it out – the ink wasn’t even dry on the web. He got it with this answer: Robert Redford – to this clue: “If a little strange, my proposition was nevertheless worth a packet.” – So onwards we go; Clue No.1 “Nay Hook nor Peter Pan, although my trial was a bit of a joke.”

Is it me?

This is the 2009 Main Comp series – with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 44 or 45 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.

For those who like ones; one’s and brackets and LZ:

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 1 bonus point, 1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)

Casualty: zip

Aye: 1 (1)

Others: 1

Quote(s) for the week:

Firefly: You can leave in a taxi. If you can’t leave in a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff

The Marx Brothers (Duck Soup)

*Non-descript trivia moment*

CARRY ON FILMS

Carry On…

Henry…1971

At Your Convenience…1971

Matron …1972

Abroad…1972

Girls…1973

fool’s Gold

King James I joined his friend Philip Herbert and his bride in bed on their honeymoon night

Before he became a boxer Bob Hope was a boxer known as Packy East

A fully mature oak tree sheds about 700,000 leaves a year

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Dr. Phil revelled in epicaricacy, after learning of Australia's defeat in the rugby against Scotland. The epicaricacy might just end up with the Aussies after the New Zealand v France game this weekend.

epicaricacy - n. - taking pleasure in others' misfortune

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Low flying fans and wobbly keyboards – there’s nothing worse than a computer keyboard that’s forever on a wobble, whether you constantly adjust the legs or snap them off in a rage. A rattetty tap tap in the middle offff posting important news is an irritable sore; such as filling out your pink slip for a request of more straw, the real stuff too, none of that cheap grass stuff, and suddenly a wobble attack pounces and you’ve ordered a question mark, a ← symbol and a button that inexplicably ‘flashes’ Fn. I have absolutely no idea what this button does, but I daren’t go near it. But back to the 6 bales of hay I inadvertently imported from Argentina then without any warning has totally disappeared, so you write it out all again, send it off and receive 56 bales of heavy duty imported hay from Argentina which is arriving as we speak by DHL, and he’s got an import duty ready for you to bail out the sender, which was in fact you, so you pay yourself and realise this is all just nonsense. Too much, too much, go for lunch. It’s ok, lunch passes without a hiccup till the tray you carry which supports the after slops of a particularly peppery pho bo buckles and dips as you manoeuvre under a low flying ceiling fan where its down force kicks at the tray like a spinnaker catching the lead and before you know, its pho remnants on the linen. Back to fix the keyboard and on day five of sawing, hacking filing, and hovering its under carriage you find the problem – a moulded, and colourfully disguised rip of elastic band that creates just enough wobble to make you swear at the DHL man – ‘fucking hay…what!’ – low flying fans and wobbly keyboards - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Christmas songs booming out down your street at 7 in the morning. This morning it was Jingle Bell Rock and Bing Crosby’s White Christmas – it reminds me of pickled walnuts and they’re grrrrrrreat.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

This is another plane, err helicopter, nope, balloon:

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

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Have you had yours today?

GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. www.bootlace.com and Prices and dates 2009
Not just a walk in the park

Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in Vietnam email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn for a full listing

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – you can’t hide forever Jim!... ‘Oh yes I can.’

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

www.alfrescosgroup.com

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; plus, plenty of boogieing to their live music and party nights

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; still on that footy trip

*Trigger: with his brother

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Randall

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Big banking…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

Ok, forget the rowing machine – House for rent; District 1 HCMC – contact the fool!

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…more ugh please …’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

I’ll take a T-shirt

This bit is the rugby bit:

Published 20.11.09

A, r u, sueing I’ll not be getting me 1000,000 bags of sand!

Skipping much of the lights fandango-ism in any consistency, but keeping variable tache’s of brilliance was rugby’s rearing, at times mundane style coupled with an often colourful, head.

Six bouts were ringside on the European front with others wafting in from the winds of Tokyo, where The Nippon’s beat the Cannuck’s 27-6 and in Florida where upon the USofA Eagles dumped Uruguay out of the World Cup, also 27-6 – and helped themselves 2011 world stage having walked off the pitch with an aggregate advantage of 54-28 – but you don’t need to know that now, so I’ll tell you the scores later…oh bugger!

Back in Blighty, it rained, but in Italy the ‘Is-it’s’ got another rude awakening if not secured a comfortable win over Italy 32-10 – confused? Good.

The MB’s forward’s coaches must be wondering where, over the course of this tour their wheels fell off, because Italy took them apart up front, like all the team’s previous. Plus, four tries from a very accomplished backline against one not so, was not by any stretch and emphatic calling card to leave the Azurri reeling in despair – quite the opposite in fact; they’d be happy with their lot.

Speedster No.8 Kankowski broke the opening deadlock with a spirited break up the middle and shipped it to Habana for a fine 6^th minute try. A few minutes later Habana swerved outside his own tache, took it wide and slipped a neat inside ball to Jaque Fourie to score under the posts. From the Blues; Australian Gower used the inside ball to find Gonzalo Garcia, who took Sgerbia with him as a decoy as he slid in untouched.

On the 53^rd minute the Iti’s were officially knackered, so Dannie Roussouw broke, fed Habana who popped it to Du Preez to score. Not long later Du Preez was through a gap in the lineout where he put Wynand Oliver away for the fifth try and yes, I realised I said four before.

At Twickenham the English put together a much more solid performance, full of spirit, commitment and want, if not totally capable of being any good. New Zealand won 19-6 where their short spells of great play made them a side that are, out to score at any given opportunity and usually seal it like a hawker selling a bucket of sand to the Arabs.

England dominated the first half and kept the tempo pretty much throughout the next. Their most pressing attribute was a bone crushing defence. Shaw made a huge difference up front, with Cueto back at full back where he excelled. Whilst on the other side The Siv and McCaw were enough to cause the simplest of problems, be them at the breakdown or on the loose.

Cowan got the only try courtesy of a McCaw presence out on the left wing and slight hand of awareness to know Jimmy was even further out there. Mils Muiliana also caused a few headaches. Nevertheless it was England who made most headroads through Haskell and the very much in form Moody. Yet despite all their ball retention the backs have no idea how to attack yet; Sgt Wilko stands too deep, there are no decoy runners and until you can catch a ball, Banahan, then you’re, well, fucked.

Every chance the Blacks got they exploited. But, and it is a big but, but which ever way you look at it, when the Sheridan’s, Flutey’s, Easter’s, Armitage’s, Tindall’s, Rees’ The Cip’s and the Harry Ellis’ are back then you’ve got some team to build on, and probably had they played Tait in the centre earlier on, England might’ve just snuck that game. Tait wasn’t in the centre and New Zealand won. Roll on the Six Nations.

Wales have a team now and although their 33-16 seeing off of Argentina was merely peppered with a couple of good tries; it was otherwise riddled with handling errors, scrums and kicks.

Stephen Jones drew first five-point blood with a quick tap and go. Shane Williams bobbed and weaved after collecting a Luke Charteris charge down, he eventually went over with a little push from his team mate. Rodriguez was quick to steal a try off a charge down at the other end, but Shane finished the dancing with a bullet like try as he sped through a dazzled defence.

In what was mostly a dour game, the Scots hijacked the Australians tour with a 9-8 win. Let’s not kid ourselves; the Jocks were up for this. Australia were more than comfortable in both territory and possession, where at the death Scotland literally had to cling on for dear life. However, for the most part you’d be frustrated at the Wallabies inability to turn pressure into points. The Git was off with the boot. Rocky was unlucky not to get the nod on a touch down in the 50^th minute and Ryan Cross’ try in a minute of stoppage time probably rounded a deserved result, if not slightly fortuitous. As with England the Aussies cannot score at the moment…but they will

Meanwhile in France the Froggies continue to shine. Ok, they beat Samoa 43-5, but it was their second string, which means Lievremont has his work cut out now.

After 15 minutes France were up 21-0 – it went like this: hooker Szarzeweski snuck off a 5m ruck and pinced. Four minutes later Clerc was on the end of a deft Maxime Medard grub. He still hasn’t given JPR Williams’ side-burns back yet either. Vietnamese Trinh-Duc then put in a delicate chip for Yannick Jauzion to take one-handed and put down. Then off a maul from a lineout someone in there scored one. The fifth try was identical to Clerc’s except off a Julien Bonnaire grub for Benjamin Fall to fall on. The second half only saw two tries from France and a consolation from Losefa Tekori, so it’s not worth talking about.

Which kind of brings me to Ireland’s similar rout over Fiji 41-6, where, yeah, you get the picture, Keith Earls ran in off an Eoin Reddin ball. B.O’D intercepted one. O’Leary gave it to B.O’D, he to D’Arcy and on to Earls in the corner. And Kearney did well to get it down – clear? Good. Oh, plus there was lots of rain.

Don’t forget Mo-grow for Movember – it’s all in a good cause – follow the link if you’d like to donate…

*http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs

Guinness Premiership – no, but there are some LV=Cup games: nup, not doing the domestic stuff whilst the Int’s are on

Top 14 – can’t you read?

Magners League: Listen, I’m getting really fed up now

ANZ Cup ugh ugh – it’s finished for fuck sake

Some shorts: ok – although I have done the Eagles, Cannucks and Japs – bugger, what’s left?

John ‘knuckles’ Connolly has bared ‘em and come out fighting. He’s got the ARU in a judicial corner and is whamming ‘em up for a cool $1m. He claims John O’Neill is an arse, which fool has been saying for years, and O’Neill’s email he circulated back in the wake of their 2007 world cup exit has floored any chances of him ever working in the top flight again. Amongst the slander was this accusation, ‘a person who lends no credit to the game’. Both Queensland Reds and Melbourne have closed their doors on ‘Knuckles’ for reasons of no faith. $350k is for a damaged reputation and $750k for failure in finding a top job. There’s something to be said for a damaged reputation.

fool says :

This weekend sees;

Scotland play Argentina, where a bit of Highland beef might be in order against the South American stock. But the Jocks, me thinks, are in the mood for it and they’ll take it – raw – 27-18.

Ireland and South Africa’s bout has been brewing since June and Lions tour. The Irish want Burger’s blood. The Irish are playing with more confidence in every game. The Africans have wounded pride that needs stitching – it’ll be a toughie, and that’s when the fool will always opt for the underdog, and believe it or not that is Ireland – 23-17.

Wales and Australia are a similar story to above. Except the Wallabies didn’t play the Lions, They’ve only lost once on tour and Wales aren’t out to eat burgers blood. They want Wallaby stew, so it’s all very confusing really, however, I’ll prompt for Wales as they’re the biggest fish in the sea and you’d never see a Wallaby there unless it’s getting eaten by a shark! 28-21 to Wales.

France, France, France…will they beat the Blacks? In all their glorious form over the past four games you’d put your house on them. Then you realise it’s France. But the Blacks aren’t playing that great. It’s in Marseille, and that’s where a lot of pirates used to hang out, so on that assumption the haka slit throat dance won’t work and the tables will turn in favour of the real ruthless cut thrusters of recent games – The French 32-18!

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.

If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. ? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1. ?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what were the films?

end rugby here!

http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Bit of an in-betweeny this week, stumped in no-man’s land, caught on the fence, shuttered between a rock and East London in the 60’s – although I was never afraid – I tried to sell a de-coding radio system to the Richardson’s once and they said they’ll take it for nuffink I didn’t argue, but I wasn’t afraid; I’d make the money up on the fruit machine franchise I wasn’t selling…

Meanwhile on the South African’s paddock England slipped off with the second ODI by 7 wickets. Thanks mostly to captain Colly, who hasn’t got quite the same ring as Cook, but that’s a completely different story; which I’m sure has nothing to do with Tresco’s Pakistani cab driver.

Suffice to say Colly took a cracking one arm-stretched, diving catch, a couple of wickets and 105 not out with the bat. Trott stayed with him on 87 to keep him company, which was nice.

Colly wobbled Alec Stewart’s ODI top stats surpassing them with 171 matches under his belt, which isn’t a lot, but then Stewart was a wily old knocker who if it wasn’t for both World Wars and his much needed ace flying services then he would have notched up a few more. Then there was that time of course when Mrs Doufries actually batted for him at the Oval as he smuggled pipes out of Tangiers – happy days.

Meanwhile en-route back to stardom Tresco has began to open up on his mysterious bouts of sleepless nights, not being able to eat, drink or remove himself from the toilet but is happy to talk about it, which as we all know is a step in the right direction…God I like cheese…there said it…as for Mr. ’T’ dealing with it he said, “Team mates don’t call me Tresco anymore or slugger – they call me Madfish and I’m happy with that.”

So there we have it. On some news just in…Pakistan are holding the fort in their home game in New Zealand against New Zealand after New Zealand posted 429 in their first innings.../ Sri Lanka have never beaten India at home but things might change as spinner Rangana Herath toppled five of India’s batsmen to steer them from 417 for two to 642 all out. But then this id day two in Test two and as we all know in the first Test both sides reached 5000 runs each with considerable ease…/ And over at the Gabba Shane Watson went out for a duck in day one of Australia’s first Test again the Windies, with The Punts and Katich redeeming circumstances on half ton’s each and are 114 at lunch – which is handy, because it’s lunchtime here too – see you in the ‘other sports’ bit.

That’s it for this week

http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs

Other sports:

Button’s gone to McLaren’s for £21m and tells us it’s for the challenge. He’s done his seven years at Brawn and very happy with his lot there he was too. To confirm it’s not for the loot he drilled home the message to his fans, “I am earning less than I would have at Brawn, so it’s definitely not the money.” – Ok now, got it?

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

According to Forbes.com and a discussion I had with The Educator From Down The Pub last night, Will Ferrell is 42, is feral and is the world’s worst value for money when it comes to making films. He averaged a total of £1.97 return for every pound taken at the box office. Ewen McGregor didn’t fair much better on £2.52. I’m no numbers man but that’s 100% mark-up in my books and fool’ll be 42 next, which is the answer to the universe so me thinks a film is in order – Know When to Fool ‘em’ starring fool as Caught in the Headlights, Digger, as himself. Fishman as Marcus Trescothick…and someone else

Get it on film

Somebody who doesn’t need to make a film about himself as his life is one continual chick-pull, is 33 pilot Dominic Jones who not only is a superhunk and Batchelor of the Year is some women’s rag in Aus but also he just recently crash landed his Westwind Jet in the wild waves of the South Pacific Ocean, whilst carrying a critically ill patent in urgent need of medical treatment from Samoa to Melbourne – still with me? Good. The four-man crew and two passengers – one sickie and the other her husband then had to tread water for 90 minutes until rescuers turned up. The plane was meant to refuel in Norfolk Island but bad weather didn’t permit, so our bally-hero Skipper Jones downed the plane and waited till islanders noticed a single distress light on one of their three lifejackets they had. In fact, we’ll have Skipper Jones in the film, played by a really fat bloke.

Skipper Jones

Whilst that was going on 110 surfers all stood on the same wave for five seconds, in Muizenberg Cape Town South Africa. That’s a record folks - Must have been the ‘butterfly’ effect from Skipper Jones’ tub.

Linguist Dr. d’Armond Speers taught his son Klingon for the first three years of his life. His wife spoke to him in English, which was handy because he was tired of saying Jih neH wIj SoS which means ‘I want my mum’. Klingon is the most popular fictional language with 21 consonant and 5 vowels, and Dr. d’Armond says he wasn’t a freak, just a linguist and reflected on the good old days, “I didn’t go to conventions or wear fake foreheads. I’m a linguist. I get nostalgic when I look back at singing the Klingon lullaby may the Empire Endure.” – Who wouldn’t – excuse me a sec.

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! The rock n roll rifty angle on lead guitar and drums of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons the lads next door to me play at lunch times – ‘av it…ah!

The six inches left of one of Churchill’s cigars fetched £800 in auction this week. Well, it did come that famous meeting in Casablanca in ’43 with Frank D Rooselvelt, Charles de Gaulle and Henry Bogart.

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “I used to have an open mind but the brains kept falling out.”

Dutch reality TV star can’t get enough of taking her kit off and has done it again for Playboy. Holland’s Got Talent star Patricia Paay is 60 years old and according to the photographer is 100% natural except maybe her false nails. They did the shoot around a country home and Patricia said, “I ran around the woods naked and I loved it.” The photographer said he was exhausted after it all.

There is something free and invigorating about running around the woods naked, those Europeans do it all the time. In fact the Germans have come in from the woods and are now doing it their Universities. They’re outraged about their fees, so took all their clothes off and have now made a calendar and are selling it for a tenner – www.geniert.de any bloody excuse eh!

Prince William even got in on the act and when he was introduced to the All Blacks after the Welsh game recently where they were all arse naked and in the shower. Some were embarrassed, some not. Didn’t bother Wills, he went straight back to the Palace and made a mint on eBay.

All Blacks!

Ok lastly, Yves Rossy (real name) the Swiss Jetman has failed in his attempt to fly in his four cylinder rocket fuelled contraption with 8ft home made carbon fibre wings from Tangier to Southern Spain. Could Jetman be Alec Stewart? I don’t know, but he’ll be back; “You don’t have this chance many times in your life, so you take it when its here.” – I hope that’s a lesson to all you kids out there.