Crazy Fool's Newsround - 1st - th May 09 volume 328

1st - th May 09 volume 328
May, 07th 2009 06:11 AM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

Plus the radio show – that bit up there, look – top left – it’s getting its own page next week

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: fool’s in fool’s café after a hard days fooling

fool: Got any bacon?

fool: No…ha, ha, ha (False laugh)…just fooling

fool: You swine fool. Gimme some bacon

Narrator: It’s flu fool. Definitely the last show

1. What did the Little Piggy have to eat in the kiddies rhyme?

2. What force makes the Earth orbit the Sun?

3. What colour is the Great Spot on Jupiter?

4. Is Jupiter larger or smaller than Earth?

5. How many noughts are written in the number one hundred million?

6. How many players are in a baseball team?

7. Royal Sovereign is a type of which soft fruit?

8 If an Australian described something as bonzer, what would they mean? A) Defective B) Embarrassing C) Excellent

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? – 2009 – No stopping this one. It’s still not Glenn Miller, David Gwillim (Who?), John Doe or that bloke from the Manic Street Preachers. Have another go, but here are Clues No.1&2 again: “Oh, I certainly had a name alright; it’s just me that’s missing.” – Galloping onto to Clue No.2 – “That was it!” and in with clue No.3; “I’m not Mr. Ed.”

is it me?

For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 17 in the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in:

For those with X-ray specs, can you see this, can yer – arseoles!:

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1

Casualty: zip

Others: 1

Quote(s) for the week:

There’s a lot of stupid rules connected with eating out, like you should only ever drink white wine with fish. That’s bloody stupid, isn’t it? Have you ever tried getting pissed with a haddock?

Alexei Sayle

*Non-descript trivia moment*

SOME Greek DIETIES

Aphrodite…love

Hephaestus…fire

Apollo…light

Poseidon…sea

Ares…war

fool’s Gold

Attila the Hun died of a nosebleed on his wedding night because he was too drunk to notice his nose was bleeding

James Bond was named after an American ornithologist, a Caribbean bird expert who was the author of the definitive guide book Birds of the West Indies

The “Mona Lisa” has no eyebrows – it was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Jagannath, or juggernaut, is a term that means 'an unstoppable force' in the English language. Interestingly its origin comes from the alias of the Hindu god Krishna.

They stuck with the chant "Hari Krishna... Hari Krishna" because "Hari Juggernaut" just isn't catchy; especially at airports.

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Sitting on the toilet and pissing between the lid and the pan all over the back of your trousers; that’s what got my giddy this week - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Glazed cherries – not pissed ones, just glazed.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia #112 (which is really one of the original 9 – can you guess which one it is – is it one of your favourites?)

This is another plane:

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks. – I hear things are going Bacardi Loco!

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. For more on Bootlace Walking Holidays in the Alpujarra, Sierra Nevada, Spain -
www.bootlace.com and Prices and dates 2009
Not just a walk in the park

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD: where all the best meat comes from – Got any pies?

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – available from Vino, Saigon – I’m coming after yer Jim!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; let alone boogie to their live music and party nights

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember; there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left, but in the meantime the fool recommends these:

*Digger; does 6

*Trigger: trots on

*cf's radio show: - OUT NOW– new and improved, with all the buttons – the pause, the play and slidy bit that gets you where you want to be…almost – This is the long forgotten Christmas show , but nay fear for the Easter edition will be out soon too!

*Tit-bits – .../...Apple’s iTiT…/…Mario's cafe.../…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – give it a whirl, there maybe something you like – click on the Grub-up icon on the left to see what can be delivered to your door.

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

* Classifieds – Some top deals on furniture this week – an expats house clearance sale – look under; for sale.

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…that’s right – beep bop a lulu, yeah, she’s my baby…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

- crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies on sale now for only 80,000vnd from the fool he-self or available at the Blue Gecko for 110,000vnd

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like a potato – the lazy git! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s menu in Grub-up!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

you want some pie?

Now then, now then, now then, you’re just in time for the rugby bit, dun, dun, duuun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen, do move along now, there’s a good chap (ess):

We’re at the medal end of the tables in the northern hemisphere and fast approaching them in the southern as well – ‘medal, medal, medal - gimme, gimme, gimme’

Heineken Cup semis:

Leinster shocked the world in a 25-6 bust over Munster and will go to their first ever Heineken Cup final on 23^rd May at Murrayfield.

A world record 82,208 watched Nacewa receive an inside ball from B.O’D who shipped a beautiful floater off to D’Arcy to score in the corner. Not long later a similar style put Luke Fitzgerald over on the left wing. Then with a resilient defence borne out of pure stubbornness Leinster held out and indeed rallied enough panache for B.O’d to poach an intercept from O’Gara and run in the 70m dash

Lions captain Paul O’Connell was gracious in defeat; “They were better than us in about every facet and we were probably dominated in every part of the game. Even after Brian’s try I thought we had the players to pull something off. But good luck to Leinster – they were the better team, quite outstanding.”

A day later Leicester went through by beating Cardiff 7-6 on penalties! The Blues came back from 26-12 with 6 minutes to go through tries from Jamie Roberts and Tom James in answer to Murphy and Scott Hamilton’s and that’s the way it stayed after extra time.

Martyn Williams and James missed for Cardiff with Johne Murphy slicing it for the Tigers leaving their No.8 Jordan Crane to slot the winner. Captain Geordan Murphy was happy; “Jordan Crane and Craig Newby are a couple of show pony forwards, so I was glad when they stepped up.”

Dai Young, Cardiff’s coach was a bit like O’Connell; “For 60 minutes Leicester were the better team – we couldn’t produce any quick ball – but at 26-26 the momentum was with us before it went to those dreaded kicks at the end.”

Super 14’s

I’m a bit time shy this week, so a quick spluttering will have to suffice: The Chiefs beat the Stormers 28-14 to keep the semi spot in check with Callum Bruce and Richard Kahui doing great work in the centres/ The Bulls and Force had a fair ding-dong with the former nipping it 32-29 – Habana back to his best there/ The Sharks took care of the Highlanders 23-15 with the try of the day coming from Kankowski’s inside ball to Bismark du Plessis and onto scorer Stephen Sykes/ The Brumbies smashed a woeful Reds outfit 52-13 in a 9 try romp. Robbie Deans watched and believe me he’d wished he hadn’t. / The Hurricanes are still the team to beat and indeed beat the Blues 45-27. They’ll sit happy on top and with players on form like Nonu, Smith, the other Smith and Ellison they’ll be there for a while. Mind you, keep your eyes on Toeava and Tuitavake. / The Tah’s would have liked the bonus point in their win over the Lions 18-10 but if Wycliff Palu keeps rumbling on then so might the NSW boys into the semis? / And don’t write the Crusaders off just yet; they beat the Lions 32-20 and still possess the best defence in the comp; just have to stop fucking it up in attack. Isaac Ross keeps making a name for himself too – it’s Isaac!

Guinness Premiership:

Top 14:

Round25: Sorry – time and tide and all that…

All what?

Some Shorts:

Ali Williams, 30, has signed up for the 2011 World Cup but will be granted a 4 month sabbatical from November to March next year when he’ll go on holiday to America with his girlfriend.

Ex All Black Fergie McCormick suggests he’s not that good to warrant it; “He may feel he has a right to a break but if guys can jump on the plane and do what they want then come back and walk straight into the Super 14’s team or the All Blacks, well, what message does that send to the guys who can’t have a sabbatical and have been back here playing their guts out for the jersey.” – I don’t know Fergie; something like you can’t always get what you want?

I do know that the All Blacks will be wearing white when they play France in Marseilles on their end of year tour, and that definitely ain’t black; just like cold beans ain’t hot!

England are also heeding a warning to players, such as Flutey and Haskell, hopping across the Channel that they’d better have a good agent to knock out a suitable deal. Chief exec Francis Baron states, “We are effectively saying to all players that if you cannot fulfil the obligations under the elite player agreement then you will not be considered for the England squad.” – England will play all their games in white unless they use their red jerseys!

Quins flanker Chris Robshaw won the GP player of the season, Leicester’s Jordan Hall-Turner best 21 or under and Tigers coach Richard Cockerill the best coach, who said, “I feel slightly fraudulent, having only done the job for a third of the year.” – Take the money and run Dickie.

Leicester take on Bath in the GP semi’s this weekend, and fool says the Tigers will nick it, but it’ll be close. If it goes to penalties Cockerill said, “It’s not on the agenda, but if we do get them again, Johne Murphy will not be taking the fourth.

Harlequins will beat London Irish in the other semi. And then they will go on to win the final.

And lastly Kazakhstan beat Korea in the Asian Five Nations 30-27 – that doesn’t happen every day – in fact it’s never happened. I wonder if they’ll celebrate Attila the Hun style

British & Irish Lions tour to MB-land:

"If we had picked our starting XV in March I would be concerned, but we agreed that we would take stock after the Super 14 and base our selection on the best available players in each position who we believe can take on the British and Irish Lions," Said Peter De Villiers after the injury wave ploughed through the Is-it’s squad…du Preez, de Villiers, Jantjes…

Meanwhile; are there not enough hard-knuckled GP players in the Lions squad? – Players involved in a knockout league, where they play quarters and semis while those at the other end go down – players that know what it’s like to survive week after week having to bounce back for points to make the grade or avoid the drop – players who’ll need that mentality for a gruelling tour that’s on the cards in MB-land. Perhaps the Lions jersey will be enough?

I’m done.

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008-ahem-2009 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it.

More Free T-shirt’s: send in your starting Lions team - if it has 8 names the same as fool’s – you win! Still only one lucky winner so far – well done Mr. B. Patterson from Sarf East London.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Deccan Chargers lie 2^nd on the table right now with Bloke Down the Pub’s Royals in fifth and trust me, that’s all you need to know at, this, the half way stage.

Australia won their five match ODI run with Pakistan 3-2 and have a one off hit at Twenty/20 in the Dubai Stadium tonight (Thursday). Younis Khan is after blood, whereas Oz stand in skipper Brad Haddin says, "It's going to be an exciting time in the new stadium here and I know the guys always look forward, whether it's been a long tour or not, to a bit of fun in a Twenty/20 match."

And Ravi Bopari notched a ton and some not out in the first Test against the Windies at Lords and celebrated by writing his signature in the air, “I thought about it when I was on about 95 he said.” He said, and, “I wanted to do my Usain Bolt impression like I did when I scored a century in Barbados – but I think Ramnaresh Sarwan has stolen that. I thought, what else could I do?” – I would have done the Okey Cokey

That’s it.

Other sports:

Ricky Hatton got bashed up good and proper by the Paq-man in one second shy of 6 minutes and during that whole 359 seconds he didn’t have a clue what hit him!

A punch you’ll see for years to come, straight out of a Rocky film, had even the shy retiring Paq-fella reeling, “I think that was the hardest punch I’ve ever landed.”

Ricky agreed with him, “I didn’t see the punch coming but it was a great shot. I complement Manny, he’s a terrific fighter.”

Don’t do football but Dan Magness got into the Guinness Book of Records this week for playing keepy-up for 24 hours!

And Steven Gerrad’s wife Alex used to eat three Bic Mac meals a week, to which he commented, “I can’t believe you’re not fat.” – It doesn’t get better than that folks.

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

It turns out Vincent Van Gogh (ff) didn’t cut his own ear off because he was bonkers, nor because he was a Ginger – no, another painter by the name of Paul Gougin from France-land did it in a row over some brass. German historian Hans Kaufmann has decreed after 10 years searching the left ear was lopped off by a sword outside ‘Rachael’s’ brothel. Hans said, “To get at Van Gogh, Gougin waved his weapon. The left ear fell.” Van died a few months later in 1888 because he was mad and ginger.

that's a vvg behind

Another mad and ginger fella is Barrack Obama, the Irish activist from Ballymena who now resides at The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC USA. He just bought 12 of Sally Bee’s books on healthy eating – The Secret Ingredient – Sally from Stratford-upon-Avon UK couldn’t believe it; “I’ve never had anyone as exciting as the President ordering my book.” – I’ll send him crazy fool’s kitchen/cafe menu

The ‘Big Bang’ machine should be up and running come autumn. The Large Hadron Collider has had its 53 magnets replaced in the 16 mile tunnel underneath France and Switzerland and should be ready to find God’s Particle once again. Aka Higgs Boson, it explains the existence of mass. I thought that was the Pope’s job.

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! na

Bally hero Alex Lees died this week aged 97. He was one of the few survivors to help breakout of Stalag Luft III, as depicted in the Great Escape. Alex’s job was a gardener that deposited the dirt from tunnels Tom, Dick and Harry. Of the 76 officers that got to go three made it back to Blighty, 27 were returned to the camp and 50 were executed. Alex said, “I had been given the job of looking after the garden, and I would take the dirt out to the vegetable patch, rake away the top soil, drop the earth and cover it back up. The German guards never suspected a thing.”

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back

Best hotel in the world for party goers? The Andaz in London’s Liverpool Street. It goes from ₤210 a night, has iPods in all rooms and a check-in laptop in the lift – why? Second was Tres in Palma de Mallorca, then Villa Emilia in Barcelona followed by Marma Deva Istanbul and Hotel Ellington in Berlin. Useful if you’re a hotel party-goers but bloody pointless if not.

Chanel is a Daschun-cross, which is a dog, and this dog, Chanel is believed to be the world’s oldest at 21 or 147 doggie years – how do you calculate doggy’s years? She lives in New York and a vet described her as; “She is defying every odd right now. I’m surprised at just about everything about her. She has the body of a six year old.” – I was going to suggest that there’s probably an older dog in China but then I thought who would I be kidding?

Brit Ben Southall 34 landed the ₤972 an hour ‘Best Job in the World’ he’ll get ₤70k for a six month stint on Hamilton Island just off Queensland Australia and will have to fill his week snorkelling, looking at whales and writing a weekly blog. He’s taking his girlfriend Bre with him. Queensland Premier Anne Bligh said, “We’re looking forward to Ben showing us what he can do.” – Will he put that on the blog too?