1st - 7th October 2010 volume 400
October, 06th 2010 23:05 PM

“I’m goin’ way down south

Way down where I can be free”

(Jimi Hendrix)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

 

 

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 7.10.10                                           

 

 

For 170 (Infrastructure Support) Engineer Group

 

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

In by a whisker?

As Brazilian’s go to the polls this month the current President Luiz Inacio Lula de Silva has been waxing lyrical the possible prospects of its first female leader in Dilma Rouseff.

 

However, it seems his opinion may be shaved of its findings, as Tiririco the clown has taken most of the votes in the polls so far.

 

Illiterate Tiririco (Grumpy), who’s real name is Francesco Silva, was hounded by opposition of being illegible to run for a federal legislation as he can neither read nor write and he is a clown.

 

Winning over the electoral authorities and cutting a two million voting response so far, Tiririco’s slogans include, ‘What does a federal legislator do? I don’t know, but if you elect me, I’ll tell you.’

 

And his favourite, ‘Vote for Tiririco – you can’t be worse off than you are now.’

 

Tiririco may be a Brazilian a trim short of a follicle, but you’ve got to admit, he doesn’t beat about the bush.

 

 

Just a short back and sides please

 

 

Send in the clowns

By orders from the highest echelon this week saw God’s calling of time on Norman Wisdom and Tony Curtis.

 

Tony died, aged 85 on Sunday with 140+ movies under his upholstered belt. Married five times, the Hungarian Jew’s most prolific film was Some Like it Hot. He served in the US Navy in the Pacific in WWII, where Hollywood secretly filmed one of his covert missions; Operation Petticoat.

 

Norman made his living by falling over as Norman Pitkins, who personally made Mr Grimsdale the most famous man in Albania. He also served in the army and rose to flyweight boxing champion of the British Army in India, before becoming a signalman in WWII, however, just like his luckless character Pitkins he didn’t see Monday coming.

 

Neither were in fool’s death pool – come Amy, take one for the team.

 

 

Only for you fool

I love a party…

A new Earth has been found in another solar system, 120 trillion miles away. The planet is three times the size of ours and officially called Gliese 581G.

 

It has gravity to produce atmosphere, which hopefully means Russ Abbott might visit Norman and Tony there.

 

Professor Stein Vogt of the University of California in Santa Cruz tells us the planet orbits its own sun but does not spin, meaning there is a habitual line of dark and light, which ranges in temperatures from -24 – 10/ -31 - 12ºC.

 

Other planets found out there have been surreptitiously called ‘C’ and ‘D’, but they are inhabitable, as they are either too hot or too cold, which means Russ Abbott may go there instead to burn his next disc. (Don’t worry, they get worse)

 

Planet Gliese please

Is that a cigar on your radar or are you just pleased to see me!

Chinese authorities closed down another airport this week because of interfering UFO’s.

 

Flights were cancelled from Beijing and Shanghai to Bootee airport situated 200 miles from Inner Mongloia’s capital Hoot.

 

‘Flat and tubular’ shapes were reported by air traffic control as their images came on the radar but radio contact could not be made. As they sped off a sticker was clearly visible on its bumper saying, ‘Honk if you’re Horny’. (Told you they get worse)

 

 

What’s atoll about!

Plans are well under way for a resort in the Maldives to be staffed entirely by sexy blonde women.

 

With UK, Russian and German backing the ‘Island of Blondes’ is the brain child of Lithuanian born Giedre Pukiese. Preliminary negotiations have already been met to rent an atoll and service the island with planes and yachts, also adhering to its blonde policy with both blonde pilots and stewardesses.

 

The model idea follows the brand name Olialia, pronounced ohh-la-la, in Lithuania, where many blonde themed businesses exist in the Baltic State.

 

Giedre said, “Our girls are very smart and they have degrees. All of them want to do something with their lives. They have lots of business ideas.”

 

And while they ponder on them they’ll make some quick money servicing the island.

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘In Britain Russ Abbott won the Funniest Man on Television award five times!’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said:

‘No fool, you are not going to sing.’ Saigon Rhythm Factory’s sound engineer

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I went to buy a watch and the man in the shop said, ‘analogue,’ I said, ‘No, just a watch.’

 

 

 

 

If you’re looking for Brummies finest it’s gone to the trivia page – Play of the Day etc – it was getting a bit crowded here…more added this week!

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*A ten month old pig walks on its front legs because that’s all it’s got. Its Chinese owner called him Zhu Jian Qiang, meaning strong willed and now visitors come from afar to see the acrobatic runt of the litter. Millions of Chinese are now sawing off their pigs back legs.

 

*A Norwegian backpacker has won his bet with a pal by collecting a million pictures of giraffes by the close of 2010. Meanwhile odds are rampant at William Hill to see if London Zoo’s seahorse Samuel will break the world record of 1000 babies. He’s currently on 918 and is pregnant.

 

Number crunching

 

*At the Ig Nobel Prize awards this week in California the UK scooped five of the ten gongs. Some of the improbable and unusual scientific experiments went to collecting whale snot with a remote control helicopter and discovering fruit bats have oral sex.

*If you’re wondering whether a 5000lb boat made from ice and hemp floats don’t bother.

*Boys toys No.1 for the Christmas list is a £29.99 Real Construction Deluxe Workshop complete with ‘real’ wood and tools. Then they ponce it up with the word ‘Deluxe’.

*Motoring journalist Gavin Covey drove 1,527 miles on one tank of fuel. Gavin travelled from Maidstone to the south of France and back and was just 70 miles shy of Calais in his Volkswagen Passat Blue Motion when conked out. I wonder if he drove through Cape d’Agde, did he have to take his kit off?

*Ena and Lilly are the world’s oldest twins at 100 years 9months. Ena Pugh and Lilly Millard live near the same village they were born in Garthbrengy, mid-Wales. They pipped a French pair claiming to be the oldest last week at a mere 98. In the year of their birth Florence Nightingale died, even though she still listens to crazy fool’s Radio Show. Penicillin came along when they were 18 and bikinis 18 years after that. Well, it was just after the war, everyone was wearing them…Ena, Lilly, Churchill, Lloyd George…

*The human mattress dominoes record was smashed this week when 400 people took place to fall backwards holding a single bed mattress at Newcastle’s Palantine Beds. China originally set the record at 256, which was smothered recently in New York at 380. The manager at the Newcastle branch awaits confirmation from Guinness, as he didn’t quite get the 400 people and they had to double back to the end of line to take a second fall. The tension is gripping.

That’ll do Pig

Keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated some time Friday’s! Plus next edition in Phuket Gazette 16th Oct

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 

 
 

 

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