19th - 25th November 2010 volume 407
November, 24th 2010 19:43 PM

“I staggered back to the underground

And the breezes blew back my hair

I remember throwing punches around

And preachin’ from my chair”

(The Who)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Rob

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 25.11.10                                           

For 30th Signal Regiment

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

One for the ‘frog’

In a week where Prince Harry was designated to organise William’s stag night, rumours have predicted a wild night fuelled with all the trappings only Max Mosley’s family could relate to.

 

 Meanwhile, ‘rutting’ himself on the wild side was Peter Buck 35, dressed as Larry the Lamb, who was set on fire at a fancy dress party and put out by his friend Paul Bisson, who in turn was dressed as Jesus, at the Drunken Duck in Guernsey.

 

Police addressed the incident as, ‘divine intervention’.

 

Peter spent hours gluing cotton wool to his body then let a friend set him alight to see what happened – he went up like a Christmas tree, wandered out into the road and was narrowly missed by a passing car.

 

Mr. Bisson went to his aide and smothered him, dousing the flames. Mr. Buck passed out then woke up 8 hours later in hospital minus two fingers.

 

Dyslexic Police officer PWC  Bulloch said, ‘There were inflammable migrating circumstances surrounding events’

 

 

Case closed

Irishman Donal Kinsella received an £8.5 million payout for mitigating circumstances surrounding a nude sleep walk into his secretary’s room during a work trip.

 

The incident spurred Kenmore Resources, the mining firm they worked for, to release a press statement saying, ‘Something juicy going on in the jungle; Mr. Kinsella tried to jump the secretary.’

 

The defence described the compensation as ‘off the Richter scale’. Even the judge was surprised, ‘Correct me if I’m mistaken – but you have awarded compensation damages of €9m and agitated damages of €1million.’

 

Donal beamed, ‘I’m delighted my name is cleared’ – At least he should now be able to put it to bed.

 

 

 

Virtual pillow talk

If you’re finding it hard to find a partner try the ‘blob’ robot called a Funktionide, which is essentially a big pillow with built in sensors that react when happy – it even hugs.

 

Muscles under the skin are controlled by micro sensors that react to temperature, colour and human reaction.

 

Inventor Stefan Ulrich from Germany said, ‘The products of the future will, in effect, be alive.’

 

If you want to follow your product, take the craze that’s swept Britain and follow Flush Tracker on the internet.

 

To commemorate World Toilet Day, this site tracks your ‘job’ from the ‘office’ to the sewage works by highlighting neon blue light on a Google street map.

 

How fantastic is that – you could race your mate, start the pooh games, horse racing will obviously become obsolete; ‘in trap one it’s Mr. Fat Bastard from Wopping, and next to him in trap two is even Fatter Bastard from Shitton-near-the-weir…

 

 

A school bus in Italy has been reprimanded for advertising a sex shop.

 

On the back of the bus is a sign for Erotic Dreams. One outraged mum said, “It is outrageous.’ Another mum who found a crocodile head outside a chip shop in Stafford didn’t say anything.

 

Pull the udder one

Swedish headmaster approves student’s naked video down on the farm.

 

Peter Gustavsson from the Natural Resources Use programme high school said the 8 minute film ‘Farmer’s Daughter’ is a true portrayal of normal life.

 

The film starts with a man in bed with two women – all naked, then the two women are replaced by two other nude women, then it fast forwards to two naked women bound and gagged being led off the back of a truck.

 

Other scenes focus on a half naked men in a pig pen and women flashing their boobs at a cow.

 

‘This kind of thing happens all the time.” Said Peter, “There’s nothing wrong with being naked. That’s still allowed.”

 

He’s got a point!

 

‘I think the film is rather nice actually. No one is drunk; there is no alcohol, no drugs. It is just a bunch of kids having fun.”

 

No nipples or genitalia were shown or indeed harmed in the film

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Beer for my Horses by Toby Keith has eluded me till now. Digger put me onto it and was meant to feature in the ‘C’ radio show… but didn’t – but here it is now’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said:

‘Got beer For My Horses by Toby Keith? – Toby Keith

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘The recruitment consultant asked me, ‘What do you think of voluntary work?’ I said ‘I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.’

 

The Boat Lagoon Marina, Phuket – Presents live music from; Indian Groove this Friday 19th November – 7-9p.m.  Hysterical Hour – 2-10p.m. Indian and Western food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*Designer Colin Hart from Belfast who makes piggy banks from real pigs has come under the cosh from animal rights activists. Colin said he’s just reinventing the art of taxidermists and all the piglets chosen for a slot in their backs had died of natural causes.

 

*Momo, a Chihuaua has made it as a police dog in the Nara prefecture of Japan

 

*Pensioner Gunther Hansel caught the world’s largest halibut at 482lb’s 13oz. That’ll serve a thousand fillets.

 

Number crunching

 

*Amongst the record breaking number of attempts to break records on the record breaking day of Guinness World Records Book the best was; most stairs climbed while balancing a person on the head. I’m not sure how many it was, but it must have been at least 5.

 

*A French granny spent three weeks locked in her bathroom drinking tap water to survive. Neighbours thought the constant banging was the pipes!

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – this week for sure!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 

 

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