19th - 25th June 09 volume 335
June, 25th 2009 06:21 AM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s  newsround

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning)

 

Plus the radio show – with a new look

 

That was the week weren’t it;

 

The scene: Durban; The Filler Bar around 10ish: JPR Williams has coaxed fool to take a couple of days off, off what we’re not sure, but a couple of days off before the second Test between South Africa and the B&I Lions, and wants to tunnel to Australia and steal back his whiskers from French fullback Maxime Medard, who stole them last July…

 

JPR: I’m naked, see.

 

fool: (looks on and nods but doesn’t know what he’s talking about)

 

JPR: Well, it’s easy, see. We tunnel there. Under the sea, see

 

fool: (nods inquisitively)

 

JPR: Why, it’s not unusual, we used to do that every morning back in Wales. It’s only 6,835 miles there; we’ll have a spot of lunch. I’ve marinated some coal and leek soup then it’s back here for the game, see, I’ll be able to commentate without anyone knowing… See.

 

fool: sounds foolhardy – I’m in

 

JPR: I knew you’d be good for it buoyo. Come on then, it’s your round. We’ll go in the morning.

 

Narrator: Does fool know what he’s let himself in for? Will JPR get his whiskers back? How many roads must a man walk down? How many seas must a white dove sail? How many times must the cannon balls fly? How many years can a mountain exist?... Find out next week in; ‘fool’s Got a Job On’

 

hello buoyo
hello buoyo

1.   What club side did JPR Williams play for?

 

2.  In which TV series was the character ‘Boss Hogg’?

 

3.  Which two European languages are spoken in Madagascar?

 

4.  What is a davenport?

 

5.  What kind of musical instrument was a kit?

 

6.  What name is given to the principle female singer in an opera?

 

7.  The dish Eggs Florentine contains which vegetable?

 

8.  Where is the CNN organisation based? A) New York B) Atlanta C) Washington, DC

 

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com 

 

WHO AM I? – 2009 – We had a new one last week and it wasn’t Sir Edmond Hillary, whom you’re correct Eagle, is dead. Here is clue no.1 again; clue; No.1, “One of the Enz compatriots more famous exports, I’m now a tree hugger…of sorts!” – “It’s the tights that attracted me to this role.”

 

is it me?
is it me?

For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page. – Should have a sub-comp soon.

 

Scores at the end of week 24 in the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in:

 

For those on the edge, just hold on to this for me…oh:

 

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

 

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1)

 

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

 

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)

 

Casualty: zip

 

Aye: 1 (1)

 

Others: 1

 

Quote(s) for the week:

Tragically I was an only twin

Peter Cook

*Non-descript trivia moment*

 

            SOME Greek DIETIES

 

Thalia…comedy

Athena…wisdom

Gaea…the earth

Hera…marriage

Hypnos…sleep

 


fool’s Gold

 

  • The only mention William Shakespeare ever made of his wife was in his last will and testament when he left her his ‘second best bed’

 

  • More than half the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call

 

  • Gorillas sleep up to 14 hours a day

 

 

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

 

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

 

This week’s word is Curmudgeon which is defined as a bad-tempered, zyrgesque, difficult, cantankerous person

 

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Untying knots in plastic bags - they’re stubborn, bloody-minded, frustrating buggers that are there to rattle and rile you. They usually sneak up first thing in the morning and come wrapped around your pomelo Tupperware box which has a lid that’s too big for the tub, meaning all the juice spills out in your rucksack making everything sticky. Tearing into that perversely head-strong bunched chemical strand of a knot in the first place numbs the finger-tips like buttoning a stone-wash drain-pipe Levi jeans button in the dead on winter. Untying knots in plastic bags - Bastards!

 

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Mud, all kinds of mud. I like mud.

 

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – next week we are going to look at fish:

 

 

This is another plane:

 

 

 

 

 

And now this bit:

 

 

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

 

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks. – I hear things are going Bacardi Loco!

 

 

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

 

 

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. For more on Bootlace Walking Holidays in the Alpujarra, Sierra Nevada, Spain -
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Not just a walk in the park

 

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:   where all the best meat comes from – Got any pies?

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – available from Vino, Saigon – I’m coming after yer Jim!

 

 

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

 

 

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; let alone boogie to their live music and party nights

 

 

 

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

 

 

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember; there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left, but in the meantime the fool recommends these:

 

*Digger; brings forth round 12 and meanders about at round 13

*Trigger: trots on

 

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

 OUT NOW

new and improved, with all the buttons – the pause, the play and slidy bit that gets you where you want to go… almost  

Guest starring:

One Eyed Dog

Also available are the ‘oldies’ with Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its September predecessor, - another new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

 

*Tit-bits – .../…The taser gun…/…/…/…

 

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – might have to take it off the menu as I reckon everyone’s about to copy it – last chance to have a look…maybe: – fool still recommends the Gazpacho

 

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

 

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

 

* Classifieds

 

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…yep, I reckon we can fit you in for a Christmas gig…of course you’ll get a pie …’

 

Mr. Meaner...  come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

 

- crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies on sale now for only 80,000vnd from the fool he-self or available at the Blue Gecko for 110,000vnd

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like a potato – the lazy git! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Great Lions shirts out now

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to the Marie Curie cancer charity

 

We'll have a Tshirt
We'll have a Tshirt

 

Now then, now then, now then, you’re just in time for the rugby bit, dun, dun, duuun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen, do move along now, there’s a good chap (ess):

 

The New Rugby extra Bit comes out on a Mondays and can be found at the bottom of the blue menu on the left – click on the black text.

 

British & Irish Lions tour to MB-land:

 

Published 25.6.09

 

Emerging Springboks 13-13 British & Irish Lions

 

On a cold and grey Newlands day, another little blundering game was played… in the Shanty… where? – In the Shanty…

 

You can blame the weather all you like but by its own nature it’s the same deal for everyone. The ‘dirt trackers’ may not have lost a game, but they let slip at Newlands, not to a fantastic try at the end from Demas, but to a slack dominance in the hunting pack up front. The Bokkies were, again, half a yard quicker and bouncier at the breakdowns.

 

But what the fuck, the Lions didn’t lose, the crowd loved the game and as the Irish, as they say said this, ‘the forwards were going forward; the backs were going back, and the rain kept coming down.’ – Which they didn’t say at all, but a bloke called Guinness used to say it to the fool all the time about 25 years ago.

 

O’Gara, who’s fighting for his place tooth and nail didn’t get the conditions he would have hoped for to make any kind of impression. fool’s suggesting Hooky’s got the nod already. Nevertheless, it was the same deal for everyone else. Fitzgerald had a blinder, as did Flutey and Earls, who’s fast tracking himself a decent reputation in the No.15 jersey, enough to make the Geech look up, and say of him, “He’s a youngster who’s got attitude in spades.”, and also reckons he’s, “achieved more in the game than anyone else since Jonny Wilkinson.” – He’ll be back, but that’s another story!

 

Let’s get back to the game, where the Red wave pushed for dominance and pressure early on, but were halted by a good young Bok defence, especially around the fringes. But the pressure was telling and Zane Kirchner made the mistake of kicking straight to Martyn Williams who passed to Ellis, he took it left to Earls who made a brilliant run and finished side-stepping Newman to go under the posts for the first try.

 

Weather conditions hampered both sides attack’s but still they made a go of it, although coach Dick Muir conceded, “We tried to play too much rugby in the first half, which is why I called on Willem de Waal in the second half to consolidate with his kicking game.”, Which he did, as too did O’Gara and Hook on the other side.

 

With 80 minutes on the clock the young Super 14 players came up with a corker; Jean Deysal, who’d been making barking runs all day off the back row, this time linked up with fellow backrower Duane Vermeulun and together brought in Potgeiter to the fray, he fed Tiaan Liebenberg and Heini Adams made a lightening fast pass from the ruck left to De Waal who sucked in the defence and hammered home a pass to Demas on the touchline who went over for the score. De Waal kicked an almost impossible kick from the touchline in the hail and wind, and as Dewald Potgieter said, “You saw the celebrations in the field. It feels like we won the game.”

 

How does that go…it’s Willem de Waal, but when you just use their surnames it becomes De Waal – is that correct The Stoff? – Like PdV and Jean too!

 

Anyway, it was a deserved draw, a fun game and now that mountain is getting closer – ‘If Mohammad don’t come to the mountain…’

 

 The MB’s have brought The Ham back in, as too Juan ‘Carlos’ Smith. Will the Lions turn out with some muscle in the first half in Shaw, Powell or Hines and bring on the runners later on…or what? – Well, they definitely won’t bring on Hines as he’s been banned for a week after a tackle on Wilhelm Steenkamp, which brought the judge to refer to Law 10.4, “He lifted Steenkamp in a tackle above the perpendicular and dropped him to the ground.” – Which obviously isn’t adhered to in New Zealand.

 

Simon Shaw’s a hopeful for fool, even if it’s for the first 20 minutes. He’s the only player to survive from ’97 not that, that doesn’t mean squat, but him being a good basher, does. Anyway, that’s not for the fool to contemplate, that’s Geech’s job. fool’s just wondering when Armitage will get called up!

 

Let’s have another look at what some British papers said about last week’s Test:

 

The essence of Lions rugby was on vibrant display, even if this result amounts to a missed opportunity to strike a result against the best team in the world before the circus moves to altitude on Saturday. To be brutal, the chances are that the northern hemisphere's representatives will lose 3-0, because the Springboks will not repeat their display of complacency when the Lions already seemed to be on the barbecue

Paul Hayward, the Observer

 

The gruesome outcome for the Lions is that they are 1-0 down in a three-Test series with the lung-bursting Highveld beckoning. Still, given the way they contrived to get themselves back in a game where all seemed lost, anything is possible. Apart from the staggering courage of the Lions' fightback, the other thrust of this magnificent occasion was the demise of a terrific career. Phil Vickery, one of the great men of rugby, an England stalwart who tasted World Cup glory in 2003, was brutally exposed in the first half ... It was like witnessing a car crash.
Paul Ackford, Sunday Telegraph

 

And the soothsayers thoughts

Year: 1967
Event: The world's first ATM is installed in Enfield, London.
Omens: HSBC 1, Sasol 0
Verdict: The next round is on the... LIONS

What about the Beast’s thought? After last week’s mauling on Vickery the Beast said, “I owe a big thanks to Jesus – and all of my team mates.” – Well, when you’ve got God’s son on your side it makes it harder. Like I said, ‘if the mountain don’t come to Mohammad…’

fool gave you his prediction on Monday

 

Some Shorts:

 

The All Blacks have made seven changes heading into their game against Italy on Saturday, the most notable being Leila Masaga and Wyatt Crockett who both make their first start - And the return of Ali Williams and Brendon Leonard, who is still bald.

 

Eyebrows mumbled, “We are looking for continued improvement after our win over France, but we know that the Italians will be as well after their two losses to Australia, so it will be another physical Test.” – Which the whole world and his wife would love to see the Iti’s win, but of course…they won’t.

 

Over in Sydney Robbie Deans has marked the breakdown as the Froggies strength, and although he’s been happy with wins over, and no disrespect, but mediocre teams such as the Barbarians and the Italians, he knows this outfit is by far not the finished article; “It is not on the level we’d like yet on all fronts, to be honest, on technique, on understanding of role play and on general enthusiasm.” – Wow… ‘You wanna play?’ – ‘Oh, I was thinking of it, but I do have a piano lesson…maybe”

 

France’s forwards coach Didier Retiere on the other hand suggested the All Blacks play a more instinctive game where as…I’ll let him speak; “I think Australia is structured with many talented players, but it’s like a machine. They keep moving, you do your best and suddenly they go faster and they score a try. The problem with Australia is you always have to be aware.”

 

France has five injuries from last week and has made 7 changes but that doesn’t bother them as they are confident in their squad. Chabal, the ‘Cave Man’ is one of those injured and Didier said, “I hope we have a few cave men on the pitch, but ones with a lot of brains.”

 

I had a dream last night Australia won 70-2 – how did they get the 2!

 

Wales and New Zealand have confirmed a fixture at the Millennium on 7th November. And London Welsh is to go into administration. It has enough money for one more month. 177 Welsh internationals have come through that club. – Big enough clue for you, if you do the quiz!

 

Lastly Gavin Henson went to see the Celtic Crusaders in action the other week and liked it. Immediately the Welsh Rugby League president Mike Nicolas saw pound signs, “Gavin was saying rugby league was a fast and open game ideally suited for centre three-quarters. He would be a crowd puller.” – Enough evidence for yer (Duncan) – the passion’s all about the loot.

 

I’m done.

 

Some competitions now:

 

WIN a PRIZE!

 

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008-ahem-2009 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

 

15.    Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood  13. The Patriot  12. The Great Race  11. Pink Panther  10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs  8. Braveheart  7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone  6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.?   2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it.

 

More Free T-shirt’s: Last chance; send in your starting Lions team - if it has all the same as fool’s – you win! Only one lucky winner so far – well done Mr. B. Patterson from Sarf East London.

 

end rugby here!

 

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

 

Pakistan chased Sri Lanka’s 138 and got it with 8 wickets to spare in the Twenty/20 World Cup final. Shahid Afridi did most of the damage with a 54*. Abdul Razzaq backed him up with bowling stats of 3-20. And thank goodness that’s all over. Now we can get on with the Ashes, by the way Mr. Thwaitesbestbitter, who won the ECCS fantasy?

 

Apparently Twenty/ 20 is all about spin. That’s according to Warney. We’ll deal with him later, but first; Monty’s back in the squad and will partner Swann in the spinny bit. Ravi’s also ousted the Vaughan fella and Warney’s got it in for him too, always suggesting he’s temperament  is an easy target for a bit of flack, and that, “he’s too worried about the way he looks” Which the Bop replied, “That’s rich coming from him.”

 

But ok, yeah, we’re on Warney, and as much as he likes Monty’s play, he says he hasn’t improved any, which simply isn’t good enough for Test levels. So it’s time to give Adil Rashid a go?

 

Here’s his take on it; “If I was England, I’d be preparing a flat wicket that turns and play two spinners on it. England have not rushed Rashid – they have let him learn his craft.” – You’re crafty you mean.

 

He then goes on to say that Australia might not even play one spinner; “That’s pretty weird for me. I didn’t think we’d see the day England could go in against Australia with two spinners while Australia may have none.” – Of course the genius that Shane is, it’s still best not to listen to him, cos he fucks with your head man – he’s a scare monger, a propaganderist, a spinner!

 

Although he has a point; “Freddie has the ability to carry the rest of the team. The one person England want most is KP. If they don’t, for any reason, I don’t think they can win the Ashes.”

 

Australia has officially kicked off their Ashes tour and after day one against Sussex are 349-7. They were 114-5 at one stage thanks to Italian, Peplar Sacto Emiliano Sandri taking three wickets with a slice of spin and all; Hughes, Katich and North were out for lbw’s.

 

Hauritz and Lee finished the day on 65* and 47* respectfully and Haddin knocked one of his three sixes through the Pavilion bar window. He’ll have to pay for that.

 

Let’s leave you in the world of the Broad’s. Stuart’s dad Chris won the Ashes 22 years ago, and Stuart is sick of hearing about it, “Do I talk to dad about what it’s like winning the Ashes? Well, he certainly speaks to me about it! I’m not saying its boring but, well, it was the highlight of his career and what he’s best remembered for. He was Man of the Series. Dad says the Ashes is the biggest stage you will play on. The important thing is to look the opposition in the eye, enjoy the cricket and take it like any other game.” – Like tiddlywinks.

 

That’s it.

 

Other sports:

 

Nadal’s out of Wimbledon with a bad knee, and says he’s really miffed because it’s his favourite tournament and winning it last year was the best experience of his life. He said, “No one’s more disappointed than me.” – More importantly plenty of the girls playing this year have posed in bikinis for a summer shoot – look them up – you’ll find them.

 

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

 

A record 36,500 revellers rollocked at Stonehenge last weekend to welcome in the northern hemisphere’s longest day on 21st June, which by my reckoning should make it the shortest down south. Stonehenge situated on Salisbury plain, Wiltshire…(who wrote a song about it?)... Was built and re-built during the period 3000 and 1,600BC and Dave Batchelor, an archaeologist from the English Heritage said, “People come for a range of reasons. Some belong to the Druidic religion and think of it as a temple. Others think of it as a place of their ancestors and for tranquillity. And some people come to see it as a way to celebrate the changing of the seasons.” – I went there about 12 years ago with Mrs fool, an Aussie bloke and his South African chick. We travelled there in my Bedford Midi van and bought ice cream – it was very spiritual man.

 

 

If you’re bald get a Botox injection – that’s the way to go. A US plastic surgeon stumbled on it by accident, when he was caring for his old mum after she had chemotherapy following a bout of cancer. Don’t ask me why he thought an injection of a dose of Botox in her scalp would help, but he did it anyway and said the effects were initially dramatic as hair re-grew. Apparently it dilates the blood vessels, which allow nutrients to the hair. You’ll need or should I say, I’ll need a few treatments, and no apparently about it, it does work. But will it stop my eye muscle spasms?

 

 

Apollo 12 was the second manned landing mission on the Moon way back in November 1969. And unbeknown to the Astronauts who bobbed up and down on its fine dust were also porn mags bound in their check lists which were strapped to their wrists. NASA jokers pinned Playboy pics to Pete Conrad’s and Al Bean’s equipment with a note asking, ‘seen any interesting hills and valleys?’ – Pete said, “I didn’t find them till we were on our first Moonwalk.” – No wonder Aliens are coming here in their droves! – is it necessary to use a capital A for aliens?

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! When I asked One Eyed Dog’s agent if there were any rock n roll capes of him that I could use for this ‘slot’, he wrote back; “Will be a squeeze to get it all in. Maybe a mini series. Start with the light fittings.”

If you like your history, like the fool does, you might be interested in this site: http://newspapers.bl.uk/.blc it’s got all the newspapers from yesteryear, from Jack the Ripper stories to under age and binge drinking in the 1870’s, to the 1839-42 Afghan war and the retreat of Kabul and the Ashes of 1877. I’m not sure if they do them in YOUR country, but give it whirl, you might like it…or not.

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “I intend to live forever…so far, so good.”

 

Winnie Hudson is 102 and her mate Margaret Hills is 100. The pair of them are running in a 5k charity race this weekend with a bunch of staff at their Millings Residential Home in Bedale North Yorks, UK – their average age is 87. Margaret said, “If she can do it then so can I.’ – Blimey, they’re still bitching at that age eh! – It’s the Cancer Research UK Race and don’t forget every Tshirt sold on crazy fool’s a US$ goes to charity – I reckon I’ve raised about 31 bucks so far!

 

Keeping one step ahead of the pack is Henry Allingham. He’s the world’s oldest man at 113, after Jap Tomoji Tanabe conked out just recently. Didn’t have the gravy eh Tom. Anyway, Henry fought in the Somme Mud and at the Battle of Jutland. If you haven’t read Somme Mud by E.P.F. Lynch, then you should…must edit the bookclub…where was I? Oh yes, Henry. He was born in London on 6th June 1896 and he once said the secret to longevity was, ‘cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women.’ – Winnie was asked if he was her ideal man, she said, “I don’t want him. My ideal age is 29!” – Ooh, matron!

 

British police have used their taser guns on just about everything from pets, sheep and an old age pensioner. Since 2004 they’ve had 1,181 ‘plugs’ but by far the best story I’ve ever heard concerning these is in fool’s *tit-bits section this week, and just as it says, it will cheers you up.

 

The Heart Attack Grill has been going for a while, but just in case you didn’t know; it sells a 2lb Quadruple Bypass Burger with Flatliner Fries at a whopping 8000calories. It also has big busty sexy waitresses in nurses’ outfits to serve you and if you finish the Quadruple burger they will push you out of the café in a wheelchair! There’s democracy working right there…in Chandler, Arizona. Dr Jon owns the joint and he’s not a doctor and it’s not a joint but when real nurses protested outside his non-joint he turned the hose on them. Got himself arrested for that one…why? Dr Jon, who’s not a doctor, has also got a fitness book called Heart Attack Grill Diet, which formats around cigarettes, alcohol and fornication.

 

Canadian scientists have invented cows that fart 25% less methane. Of the 170 million sheep, cattle and pigs in America a quarter of the ozone layer is destroyed by their emissions. How do you invent a cow?

 

Good night.

 

just cf it

 

cf

 

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