Crazy Fool's Newsround - 19th - 25th Feb 10 volume368

19th - 25th Feb 10 volume368
February, 24th 2010 13:27 PM

“Stone free do what I please

Stone free to ride the breeze

Stone free I can’t stay

I got to got to got to get away”

(Jimi Hendrix)

Published 25.2.10

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: fool is in bed with a bougainvillea. He is gardening. Jimi Hendrix is taking a short cut to the lake through his garden.

Jimi: Are you in bed with a bougainvillea dude!

fool: I’m gardening. What’s the matter with you people?

Narrator: Well, the white coats came and fool ordered an ice cream. And… eh… what’s that? No, you can’t have one for your bougainvillea; get out the way of the quiz…

Got any ice-creams?

1. Name a song with bougainvillea in it?

2. Mark Spitz won seven Olympic golds at record speeds doing what?

3. What is Reuters?

4. Billy Graham is famous for which branch of Christianity?

5. What is the metric word for one million?

6. Ben Lomond and Baldwin are types of which fruit?

7. Which creature lives in a formicary?

8. ‘He gives her class and she gives him sex.’ What couple was being described here? A) Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers B) Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles C) Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

cf’s Quiz Night at…it’ll be in 2010!

WHO AM I? – 2010 – Guess what? Cold beans aint hot. Plus, the answer is not Bob Hope either to these clues: “Dressed as one half of a tiger in Africa I went on to tour the world.” – here’s another… “He went on to question the crowds incessant tittering.” Ok, clue three, “In one ripping yarn he was once chased down by the school leopard.”

Is it me?

Send in answers to: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Welcome to the 2010 scoreboard; week 9: bonus points tally in brackets for the first answer in. (For all previous answers to the main quiz see: *comps and results page in the categories.)

With all the ones and the brackets:

The Slackers, pardon I, The Regulars

Dracule:

Legal Eagle: 1, (1)

Hannibal Lecherure:

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, (1, 1)

Casualty:

Aye:

Others: flip-all

Let’s move on shall we:

Quote(s) for the week:

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year. I cheated on my metaphysics final in college. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Woody Allen

*Non-descript trivia moment*

PATRON SAINTS

Barbers…St Loius

Artists & creatives…St Luke

Cobblers…St Crispin

Florists…St Dorothea

Editors…St John Bosco

fool’s Gold

Burt Reynolds now lives in the Florida holiday home of Chicago gangster Al Capone

Some female hyenas have a pseudo penis

Jet lag was once called boat lag, before there were jets

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

The word is we have no word, but we do have these…

Letters:

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Idiot – Yep, one man, a complete idiot and believe the fool, he knows an idiot when he sees one. Idiot; a half-wit from New Zealand who claims he was Australian entrepreneur in the year of 19.O’Chocolate. Idiot, the man who can only listen with deaf ears then tell you how great his inner voice sounds. Idiot, the parasitic epiphenomenon of ye fool he-self.

Idiot point in case; fool has been writing drivel, drilling for t-shirts, selling pies etc for 10 years. Idiot said to fool a few months back that he would be making t-shirts using the fool’s writing’s, write a website, the same as fool’s and no doubt sell pies – I don’t know about me, but can you see a pattern forming. Idiot is going to call it – yep, you’ve guessed it, crazy fools! I kid you not. Idiot is an avid reader of crazy fool’s and often comments on it, often proffers pictures too, I wonder where he stole them, although fool has no qualms in using them! Anyway, after sharing the rugby field with this Idiot, has quaffed a few sharp ones with, thee said Idiot, exchanged banal pleasantries in Nam’s rapidly en-vogue streets, with Idiot, Idiot has turned round to fool one day in the Battleship Cruiser and said, ‘Oh, by the way, everything that you’ve done on your website, your t-shirts and are thinking of doing in the future, I’m going to do now, and I’m going to use exactly the same name. Yeah, I thought you’d be pleased. Mental, isn’t it!’ ‘Idiot’ I said. ‘You’ll hear from my lawyer’ I said. ‘I don’t care.’ Idiot said. Regardless, the real fool will still be donating $1.00 to charity from every t-shirt, the real fool will still sponsor the greatest show of Nam-land at the Saigon Saints AFL Grand Final bash, the real fool will still sponsor events in the Saigon Rugby Club. And the real fool will still continue to rack-up the altogether nonsensical gibberish that has earned he thee self the crown since 2000.

Who’s the real fool, now please stand up, please stand up… There, it’s on record now, Idiot. But do you know what, in all honesty, that’s not what’s really riling the fool’s goat this week. What is really hootering up his wick are finicky bolts on the inside of windows that are hard to get through because of security bars, so locking or opening up is a two digit pronged attack, no thumb can make it through, and to execute with the necessary exact precision, the bolt has to be released on a very lose but controlled swivel so as not to get caught in the shoulder latches where it’s supposed to rest when not fully bolted. If you miss them it slaps across to the other shoulder or slides back down into the bolt-hole and you’ll have to start the process again – a real bastard. That goes for drawers that don’t open enough too, but don’t get me started on that one – bolts on windows and an Idiot - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

In a hot bed, forget the bougainvillea already will you, arve! In a hot bed, it’s nice to move your foot to a cold patch of starched crisp cotton, if only it will be cooled momentarily. (Nb* momentarily is fool’s favourite word this week)

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

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Have you had yours today?

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Not just a walk in the park

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Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; plus, plenty of boogieing to their live music and party nights

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; still on that footy trip

*Trigger: with his brother

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Randall

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Some more letters from Viz…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…a one, a two, a one, two, three…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

Please, someone giver her a T-shirt

Order from: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

This bit is the rugby bit:

Having a domestic

Published 25.2.10

Although the Super 14’s aren’t really domestic nor come to that is the Guinness, Magners, or Top 14’s these days, yet the latter three are still ‘in house’ so to speak, leaving only the S14’s with a twist, so let’s change it…

Having a domestic with a twist

LV=Cup: / Heineken Cup: Nicht

Guinness Premiership:

Wasps scrambled together 3 penalties courtesy of The Cip to weed out Saracens 9-0 and edged themselves into the top four taboo/ Bath rattled Worcester 37-13 with five tries. Coach Meehan declared, “We’re hard to stop when we’re in that kind of mood – who isn’t/ Stefan Armitage rallied a late equaliser at Newcastle for the Exiles – 12 a piece, that result/ Quins beat Northampton 13-6 with a fronted up battle, and a fine try from the very highly rated Strettle - highly rated from fool anyway. Jim Staples and Frankie Croxford did not play/ Leicester took Gloucester to the proverbials 33-11. Flood kicked 7 from 7, with tries from Tiqiri, Geordon Murphy and Ben Youngs/ And Sale lost their sixth game in a row, going down to Leeds, who notched only their third win of the season – 10-19 was the result.

Top 14:

Perpignan provided the shock defeat of the season so far going up against Montabaun 13-0 at the break and down 13-16 at the end/ Racing Metro 92 also squandered an early lead against Castres to succumb to two late tries and the boot of Jonny Wisniewskliwiski – 24-24/ Clermont put 7 tries past Albi to finish 45-18/ Montpellier 16-22 Bayonne – tries from the ‘nets’ were from Rob Linde, Benjamin Fall and Sam Gerber/ At Bourgoin, Julien Arias got a hatrick helping Stade Francais home 16-22/ Toulouse shared a torrid game with Toulon with the latter taking the prize 6-3/ And Biarritz beat Brive in the pouring rain 12-6.

Magners League:

Ospreys snuck by Connaught, just, 19-17, with Mike Phillips making his first appearance in four months for the Swansea side. Jim Staples did not play/ Leinster swept aside Scarlets 27-14 in the Jonny Sexton show, he nabbed five kicks and a try. Isa Nacewes got the other/ Munster beat Edinburgh 19-12 as Peter Stringer played perhaps one of his last games for the Irish outfit/ Glasgow saw to the Cardiff Blues 30-7/ And the Dragons and Ulster saw to each other 22-22.

Super14’s

The Bulls racked 50 against Brumbies 32, with Victor Matfield citied for beating Rocky Elsom about the head – later in the week he was un-citied and Rocky’s head is fine/ Stormers played an excellent game against the Tah’s 27-6 in Cape Town, with a rugged defence. Ricky Januarie was on form and Habana touched down for two/ The Force, with a string of injuries, did well to hold the ‘Canes 47-22, and it will be interesting to see if O’Connor gets the nod at No.10 next week/ The Cheetah’s surprised the Sharks in Durban taking it 25-20/ And in the silliest result I’ve ever heard of the Chiefs beat the Lions 72-65 in Jo’burg. Nine tries each. 72-25 at one stage. Three yellows for the Chiefs and you tell me if there was any defence. More on that in the shorts.

fool says:

Wales kick off this weekend’s Six Nations against France, with the roof on, like it matters. France have been on fire. Wales have been in the doldrums. But for the sparks of brilliance by Williams (6623) the Welsh haven’t looked up to their capability. By all sense and purpose, France on the form they’re on, should continue to rack early points and sit back in the late quarter. But they will have to fight all the way for this one. And they’ll do it. Just. 24-22 to France

Next up; Scotland have a lot to prove that their first two outings were not flukes and they have the composure for this degree of rugby. They know they have. They just threw it all away in a ten minute bout of maddening fire water between the eyes against Wales. Italy might favour themselves to be in the same boat, and suggest they were unlucky against England, but they weren’t unlucky and they won’t beat Scotland, simply because Scotland’s backs are better and their forwards will win a fair bit of loose. Hugo Southwell and Chris Cusiter get their 50^th’s here. Scotland 25-18 Italy

This will be England’s last game at home and, up against what has been a jittery start from the Irish, is a teat-watering prospect – pass the teat please. Both teams shared a similar state of frustration against Italy, where potential reared a dogmatic head, yet bobbing to and fro was also the menace of confidence. You’d reckon Ireland should be the key holder of that commodity, confidence, but if England get their arse in gear, fool sees a Grand Slam in the last game in Paris! – But for now; England 18-17 Ireland.

Some shorts:

The Cip is off to Melbourne Rebels and martin Johnson is an idiot. Ex England coach Dick Best says in a couple of years (World Cup), ‘England will need him more than he needs England.” – Where’s that teat!

Brive are doing something wrong too, but no one’s quite sure what. Either way, Andy Goode’s on loan to the Natal Sharks and Flutey’s been rumoured to be linked with Munster. In the minute it took me write that Goode has gone to Worcester.

Former Chiefs fly half David Hill is on loan to the Force to cover their injury woes, whilst Isaia Toeava is out of the Blues line up with a damaged nerve in the arse.

The Tah’s have shuffled Barnes into 12, making way for Daniel Halangahu at 10; they’ve also brought in a Dave in at 4, that’s Dave Dennis – good on yer Dave, not many of you around. The Tah’s play the Bulls. Dave, do your magic mate.

The Super 14’s point’s average is up 14 points a game so far on last season. This stems largely from the new relaxation from the whistle. No laws have been changed, but the ref is insisting the tackler must roll away from the ball completely. This also allows the second man in the ruck to keep his feet on the ground and not having to dip his shoulders below the hip to force up the opposition, thus allowing for collapse and allowing play to continue. Is that good or is it NFL, I don’t know. fool’s always been under the precedence that more tries do not necessarily make the game any better. Richie McCall is the perfect example to thwart such unnecessary touch downs.

Either way let’s take time to ponder Irishman John Hayes 100^th cap on Saturday – him and Patterson eh! Enough pondering.

And a parting word from Sgt. Wilko on whatever form he produces; “My dissatisfaction remains undiminished, and I’ll probably retire from the game the most dissatisfied man, which gives me great satisfaction.” – I say, I say, I say…

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit is done, long live John Smit’s XV of famous people who have a famous relative in sport – can be the same sport or a completely different one. Can be an actor in the John Smit XV, but he has to be relevant to that position, i.e. Elvis at flyhalf – sharp, nimble, play/decision maker, good hip swerve (he had a brother, but died at birth!). Can be an actress, author, sportsman etc…

Send ‘em in, you win a prize; if you have 8 or more pairings the same as fool, you win a special prize.

If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another year and half of him yet!

Sent in by the Quizmaster formerly known as the Silent Third party:

fool, Here are 15 relatives in sport:

15. Bobby & Jackie Charlton (football) 14. Frank Lampard Senior & Junior (Football) 13. Harry & Jamie Redknapp (Football) 12. George Forman and Freeda Forman (Boxing) 11. Ben Cohen (Eng; RFU) & Stan Cohen (Eng; football/soccer) 10. Craig & Alister McDermott (Aussie cricket) 9. Stuart & Chris Broad (England Cricket) 8. Brian & Nigel Clough (Football) 7. Alex & Darren Ferguson (Football) 6. Ian & Liam Botham (Cricket, football & Rugby) 5. Graham & Daman Hill (Motor racing) 4. Greg Norman & Gregory Norman (Golf) 3. Gilles & Jacques Villeneuve (Motor racing) 2. Venus & Serena Williams (tennis) 1. Gary & Phil Neville (football)

A good team Mr. QfkatSTP, but Gary & Phil Neville at prop, hmmm

In the meantime; here’s fool’s Heineken Cup/Super14’s team – players who have played in both:

15. Christian Cullen (Munster & Hurricanes) 14. Lote Tiquiri (Leicester & Waratahs) 13. Luke McAlistair (Sale & Auckland Blues) 12. Aaron Mauger (Leicester & Crusaders) 11. Casey Laulala ( & )10. Dan Carter (Perpignan & Crusaders) 9. Byron Kelleher (Toulouse & Highlanders & Chiefs) 1. Carl Heyman ( Newcastle Falcons & Highlanders) 2. Gary Botha (Harelquins & Blue Bulls) 3. CJ Van Der Linde (Leinster & Cats & Cheetahs) 4. Corniel Van Zyl ( Trevisio & Cheetahs) 5. Paul Tito (Cardiff Blues & Hurricanes) 6. Jerry Collins (Toulon & Ospreys & Hurricanes) 7. Marty Hollah (Ospreys & Chiefs) 8. Luke Watson (Bath & Western Province)

Subs: Justin Marshal (Leeds, Ospreys, Montpellier, Saracens & Crusaders) Ricki Januarie (Osprey & Lions & Stormers) Schalk Brits (Saracens & Stormers), Bruce Rheina (Northampton & Chiefs), Greg Somerville (Gloucester & Crusaders) – the rest next week

Send your team(s) to cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Now look, it’s darn hard to keep thribbling on every week, especially when there’s simply not much going on, but at least we’re keeping kosher with the thribbles eh – t-shirt anyone!

The meat of the week was probably in the Indian’s 1 run win in Jaipur over South Africa. In a three match series India’s posted 298 for 9 with a rather staple vegetarian scoop from Virender Sehweg 46, Dinesh Karthik’s 44 and Siresh Raina’s 58, although let’s not quibble with the thribble, that was still enough to take the bones out of Jacque Kallis’ 89. Still, Wayne Parnell’s 49 off 47 earned him praise for the future and Dale Steyn’s 35 off 19 helped shave some mince off the shin bone.

But undoubtedly taking the biscuit was The Sach in the 2^nd ODI where India won by 253 runs in Galalior. They put 401 for 3 on the label with Tendulkar hitting the first 200 in an ODI. Dinesh rumbled in with 77, Yusuf Pathan a measly 36 and MS Dhoni-kebab a nourishing 68.

South Africa must have wondered what was in their mix, yet ABc de Villiers will deserve a Kingfisher with his 114.

Australia wrapped up their summer unbeaten, the first time that’s happened in nine years. And unbeaten is well, unbeaten, but was it something to rave about? Sure it was. Pakistan and the Windies may not have been the forces they once were, but for the Baggies it was all about blooding new Baggies, and the new Baggies made good – savy?

Their last outing saw them take apart the Caribbean’s by 8 wickets, where David Warner managed a quick 67 off 29, yep, that’s right. He hauled in 7-6’s and 5-4’s. Shane Watson must also get a mention for his 62* off 33. But then if we’re giving out mentions willy-nilly here’s to the Windies Darren Sammy and Narsingh Deonarie for their 26* and 36* respectively. Which we do sincerely.

England have vowed to stand by their, no more Jonny Foreigner policy, especially no more South Africans, apart from this time with wicket keeper batsman Craig Kieswetter, who on the day of his four year qualification played for the full England side against the Bangles Cricket Board XI and whacked 146 off 123. – He’s been doing it all day ref, and Prior would be pulling out strands if he could.

Just for your reference, KP hit a splendid golden duck; Colly hit 109 off 74 and Cook 56 from 56. And guess what? There’s another Bokkie coming too!

Still at least the front runner in the pace bowling coach isn’t an ‘is-it’ – no, it’s an Aussie; Michael Kasperowicz is looking plumb, directly in front of the chasing pack in Allan Donald, Shaun Pollock, Geoff Lawson, Waqar Younis and Phillip Defreitas.

Brett Lee has finally retired from Test cricket after everyone knew it was coming. But let’s not knock him, the 33 year-old played 77 Tests, sweeped 310 wickets and ends up fourth on the Aussie scoring board. He gave the usual congrats, the sincerest applauds and the deep regrets of not being able to wear that green beret again… sorry, baggy, but ultimately, as the old tick-tock…err tocks, he made way for his family, well, his son anyway and declared, “It’s a lifestyle choice, but also a cricket choice.”

Till next week…

In the meantime catch this if you’re there!

Other Sports:

Jacque Villeneuve is looking for a F1 comeback in Serbia’s Stefan GP, which is a Toyota, Japanese car, run out of Cologne in Germany. With it? Good.

Joshua Cotley the Ghanaian about to fight Manny Pacquao says it’s a big fight but not that big, “Pacquao is a human being like everyone else. He’s just a really good fighter who is No.1.” – Ghanaian logic. He means that if he does upset the odds he’ll not think much of it, “I’ll say, ‘it’s not an upset, just a win.” He said.

Don’t do golf, but Roger Federer is sticking up for his old mate Tiger and said, “I haven’t had any contact with him but he’s got my support.” That was in light of the debacle of an apology Woods sent out in the week. No.1; Media, who gives a fuck what a golfer was doing in his spare time. No.2; Media, Who gives a fuck what a golfer was doing in his spare time, and who lays the right that he should be apologising for it – to who, for what. No. 3: The question is, can he beat you at golf? – Nuff said.

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

It could be you! – Britain’s top astronomer, Lord Martin Rees was giving a talk at the Royal Society of the Academy of Science the other day, of which he is President and suggested that it is more than likely that aliens are amongst us as we speak. However, their forms may not be something we can perceive. It is not necessarily the fact that they would share the same mathematics or technology as us, so therefore it could be that twig over there! The astronomer to the Queen said, “Just as a chimpanzee cannot understand quantum theory it could be these are aspects of reality which are beyond the capacity of our brains.” – Argh, yes, of course, what was that first bit again…

Which one could it be?

Something we all understand is a good old fashioned survey, not your quantum chimps Field Lunatic-Rees ramblings. But one from say, OnePoll.com who have made the Custard Cream biscuit the favourite amongst 6000 Brits. “It’s fun to eat and good for dunking.” A spokesman said. But he also said the best dunkers were Rich Tea. More surveying found that Beyonce has the best celebrity body and white van owners ogle at bums first then boobs, back down to the legs and least like hair, feet and backs. A spokesman from VanInsurance.co.uk said, “For many years it was long legs that topped the turn-on polls for men as the sexiest part of the female body, with certain celebrities starting the trend of insuring their assets.” – Now they’ll all be insuring their arses, which is weird really; ‘Look mate, I’ve a three year contract with Andrex and if this arse aint on that pan tomorrow it’s your arse that’s gonna get it.” So Kiera Knightly once said.

But then she could always try topless tobogganing. Just a thought.

Our survey said

A weird cloud in Mexico was spotted this week. UFO expert Nick Payne said it was ‘truly mysterious’, “Speculation is rife on the internet, aliens, secret weather modification technology or even some distortion of reality, caused by the Large Hadron Collider.” He went on to say – Nah, said Sue Holland from the Met Office; “This is what’s called a fallstreak cloud otherwise known as a hole-punch cloud. It’s when patches of high cloud caused by super cooled water freeze and fall away as ice crystals leaving a visible gap in the cloud layer.” – So it’s a cloud then. Even so I’m still thinking of getting myself a small hadron colander – good for the par-boiled spuds to give a bash up before roasting.

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Jimi Hemdrix could play Foxy Lady with his knob - fact’

The world’s biggest dog is a Great Dane. Of course it is, but bet you didn’t know his name was George did you, eh, eh. George is 7ft 3in (2.2m). 43 inches from paw to shoulder and weighs 17.5st (245pounds). __________________ sorry, I’m just in shock!

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper bit but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary: Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

A rare first edition of Superman has just fetched $1m at auction. Huh, George would have fetched that. The 1938 Action Comic has Superman lifting a car on the front cover and sold originally for 10c. Comic dealer John Dolmayn said, “It’s considered by most people as the most important book.” – There’s another fella in the UK, who stored thousands of British Rail memorabilia in his house; posters and the like, and got a million quid for it. Well, he didn’t. He died. But his relatives did. I’m thinking of collecting tea labels. ‘Spud, these will all be yours one day.’

Lone Ranger – first copy

Boffs in America reckon catching a good eyeful at boobs and bits a day is as much a ‘reward’ as a pint or a spliff! 14 guinea pigs (not real ones) were shown 7 bums that were randomly digitally enhanced so as not to remove any mass, but just shift the wobble about a bit to try and find the trigger for appeasement. Steven Platek, an evolutionary cognitive neuroscientist at Georgia Connecticut College, said, “These findings could further our understanding of pornography addiction and related disorders, such as erection dysfunction in the absence of pornography. These findings could also lead to the similar inquiry about sexual infidelity.” – Who cares, how do you become a guinea pig?

Mind you, having excess buttocks may save your life. Luckily for pub landlord Snaz Martin 43 he wore his excess fat on his front and called it a beer belly, then someone stabbed him and the three inch blade cut no ice, so to speak. “I’m not massive by any stretch of the imagination – I only weigh 13st.” he said, “But I do have a beer belly and they’re saying that’s what saved me.” – I’m not sure if he was a guinea pig too or it was just a random attack at his pub!

Ok, I’m just about done. I’ll just save enough time to tell you that New Zealander Glenn Martin has made jet packs for commercial use. They are fuelled by 200 horse power dual prop-jets, weigh 254 pounds, which means they need no licence. Can do 30 miles in 30 minutes and reach heights of 2,400m’s and zip along at 60mph. If you want one, give Glenn £50k at Martin Aircraft Company. Doesn’t include horses.

Lastly a violent Dutch prisoner has tunnelled out of a Southern Holland jail in Breda using just a spoon. Authorities are not saying who she is or what she’s done, but she has been a very naughty boy – eh! Life of Brian anyone!