18th - 24th March 2011 volume 424
March, 23rd 2011 20:11 PM

“Hoo… hoo, right where I belong”

(Ten Years After)

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 24.3.11                                           

For Elements of 3 Regiment; Army Air Corps

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

Bob Dylan - Saigon – 10th April – www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Making waves

When the moon dragged its lumbering bulk just 220,625 miles from our own industrial planet, folk went bananas claiming sovereignty to the lunacy of its pulling power.

 

Naturally, the notion that the current rack of disasters to envelope our home could be subjection to us being 625 miles closer to the Big Cheese is tantamount to suggest the butterfly theory caused a minor ripple in Darren Taylor’s paddling pool…

 

…Wrong; because Darren Taylor caused a ripple in Darren Taylor’s paddling pool and he did it by diving from 36ft into the 12inches of water.

 

Ex DJ Darren from Denver, Colorado who goes by the name of Professor Splash leapt to his 13th world record into a foot of water, which, by the way, is not allowed to be inflated at the bottom, although by Guinness law is allowed foam mats underneath.

 

‘Believe me, jumping and landing as flat as possible in 12 inches of water is tough enough as it is.’ – He moaned

 

Hit me with your rhythm stick

Mercury is to have its mug shot this week from new space probe Messenger, which has taken 6.5 years to make the 4.9m mile trip.

 

From 120 miles above the surface of the nearest planet to the sun Messenger will capture the extremities of temperature ranging from 800ºc to minus 300ºC – expect ice

 

However, hot on its heels for vehemence is disco dancer Steve Stevens who boogied on the dance floor of his nightclub for a staggering 131 hours - non-stop.

 

From Tuesday to Sunday last week the former iron man athlete shuffled the light fantastic at his club, Angelik in Worthing West Sussex.

 

He had five minutes rest every hour and fuelled on protein shakes, fruit, porridge, jacket potatoes, chips and lasagne and lost quarter stone, which is just careless.

 

30 DJ’s helped Steve do the monkey, watusi and boogaloo, as he raised £3,200 for hospices in Sheffield and West Sussex.

 

‘The hardest times were between 4.a.m. and 6a.m. when people were starting to hit me to wake me up.’

 

Disgruntled DJ Telonius ‘Hitme’ Imbery, sacked for a ridiculous name denied sneaking in and playing slow records during the wee hours.

‘But as soon as the sun came up it got me going again.’ - Continued Steve, as he wiped a bloody nose.

 

I’ll do the Marathon… and the Kit Kat, Mars, Toblerone…

Ex sumo wrestler Kelly Gneitly is the heaviest marathon runner of all time. The 28st 13lb fatty now wants to swim the English Channel because he says he ‘floats like a cork’.

 

Kelly finished the LA marathon in 10 hours something, dropping from 405lbs to 396lbs, which is about an ear to him.

 

‘I think I’m one of the best athletes in the world’ Said the modest three time American sumo champ

 

And just before Bo, a tribute to Liz Taylor, who’s gone to meet the great Monty Python Norwegian Blue in the sky; here she is with twice married and divorced Richard Burton (who was Welsh, but no one blames him)…

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Shake a Tail Feather is a song probably most associated with Ray Charles/ Blues Brothers, The Frug, Watusi and the Mash Potato, but it was originally penned and strummed and warbled by a Chicago based group; The Five Du-Tones in 1963 – but who gives a flying rats arse, because it’s over played, over rated and … well, it’s ok, but better is; Bo Diddley’s, Who Do You Love… which has nothing to do with dancing, sumo or paddling pools but since when has that nattered!’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘I heard some mediocre Love Raid is trying over ride the Love Train brother… damn, I’m with you’ – Bo… Derek

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I played golf the other day – got a hole in one – the other sock was perfect’

 

And now folks…

 

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 

Presents

Mmm… yummy

 

 &

 

  

 

Wait for it, wait for it…

 

I said wait for it… no, no, please come back; – here it is now…

 

 

And back by popular demand

Screaming Hypocrites

 

Plus; great raffle prizes to be won courtesy of:

                      

            Lunch for two in their café               Two golf rounds at Laguna Golf Club     

1 free tour plus discount for 1

 

And of course fool’s Hamper!

 

- All proceeds to…

Japan fund – collected by Bangkok Phuket Hospital

 

plus there’s plenty of grub from

 

&

 

Patisserie from

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

but now…

A quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…

Wanna buy a condo?

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

*The most expensive dog in the world is a Tibetan Mastif weighing in at £945k – yep, that’s nearly a million for a 180lb big hairy red thing that’s eats leopards… well, apparently it could if it wanted to… and wolves. Its name is Big Splash which is Hong Dong in Chinese, (I’m sorry I’ve got a cold), which is lucky as a Chinese coal baron bought him to dispel any myths of socialistic disparities at the work place… ‘What? It’s just a dog; I’m on same wage as you.’

 

*In Romania Lorian Calcescu is not allowed to keep lions in his back garden. The two Senegalese pups he bought from a Fair that went bust were confiscated by authorities and taken to Targu Muras Zoo; where Lorian will be fed to them.

 

*Meanwhile in Beijing’s Badaling Zoo a dog is mothering a wolf and panther pup. The zoo’s dog, who presumably just struts around the place, is feeding her young so keepers thought it a good idea to pass off the others to her as they were rejected by their mums. As soon as they’re ready they’ll go onto cows milk… and then the cow.

 

 

Number crunching

 

*A new washing machine will spin your kit clean in 12minutes. Russell Hobbs’ £247 wonder machine is 8 times faster than your average 90min cycle and with that you’ll save 212,415 gallons of water, which is enough to fill 500 swimming pools for Professor Splash.

 

*Scuba divers in Germany played cards underwater for 36 hours. 16 divers took part in order to change tanks and keep the same game of ‘Sheepshead’ moving.

 

*A Chinese businessman who had recurring problems with his Lamborghini Gallardo L140 paid a bunch of blokes with sledgehammers to smash the £500K dream sports car to pieces as a stand for World Consumer Rights Day – there, that showed ‘em.

 

*Fashion worker Thomas Horodecki is suing his firm Elie Tahara’s in New York £1.2m for making him commute through ‘depressing’ New Jersey and not upstate Manhattan where other colleague’s customers are located. Well, it can be stressful can’t it.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out! … still waiting!!!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and a mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz


 

 

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