Crazy Fool's Newsround - 18th - 24th Feb 2011 volume 420

18th - 24th Feb 2011 volume 420
February, 23rd 2011 19:33 PM

“Ramble on, and now’s the time, the time is now, to sing my song”

(Led Zeppelin)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 24.2.11

For 3rd Battalion The Royal Welsh

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

Armageddon- nothing

Egypt, Bahrain, Libya, London, New York, Paris; everyone talking ‘bout mmm pop music.

In a his first, but brief and has to be said, quite bizarre appearance in Libya Sir Bob Geldafi gave his verdict on the spiralling world’s revolt;

‘The pop revolution, which Charlie Gilmour sprung on an unsuspecting world at the student’s uprising in London a few months back, epitomised Dickie III’s winter of discontent circa 1594, who was probably best portrayed by Peter Cook in Black Adder, nevertheless, with it held fast the democratic right to digress from Floyd’s Mother Ship of change that ringed loud from chance, and was last seen in the Haight-Ashbury induced Summer of Love 1967, which in its own right sparked the race riots we have come to love and cherish today as man’s trademark of action versus power, regardless of how squarely it befell on King Jong II’s son’s ballsy appearance at Eric Clapton’s Singapore leg of his world tour last week thus halting fool’s Ashes t-shirt run because ‘Slow hand’ wanted 5,000 from the same manufacturer – bastard!’

Colonel Geldafi speaking in tongues there. Now back to world news…

Bah, humpbug!

The Monster of Bowness has surfaced again causing a stir in the north of England’s Lake District.

Dubbed Bownessie, the 50ft humpback serpent-like creature was photographed by IT student Tom Pickles on his mobile phone whilst kayaking on Lake Windermere. He described three humps, each the size of a car glide past his raft.

‘Each hump moved in a rippling movement and it appeared to have a huge shadow around it suggesting it was much bigger underwater.’

This the eighth sighting in the past five years has laid rest doubts in, lecturer of journalism, Steve Burnip’s mind who first photographed the beast in 2006.

‘I’m really pleased that someone has finally got a really good picture of it. I know what I saw and it shocked me.’

See urchin

Mr Burnip is now enrolled in IT photography classes.

‘The month I said…’

An Australian town by the name of Speed has changed its name to Speedkills for the month of March.

Situated 250miles north of Melbourne, Speedkills’ 45 residents contacted Transport Accident Commission for permission to create awareness that speeding is as socially unacceptable as drink driving.

The TAC gave the nod if they could rustle 10,000 users on facebook for the name change campaign – they got 30,000. Wheat and sheep farmer Phil Down even went as far as slipping in ‘Slow’ as his middle name for the month.

Meanwhile in Wales locals have won the right to change their village name from Sully to Sili and back to its original Abersili as the district were getting sulky by the way visitors didn’t take them seriously.

I bin around the world and I, I, I, I…

A girl who was cured of her claustrophobia by her mum who stuffed her into a bin is now a singer and contortionist in the Circus of Horrors.

Kirsty Nicholson, whom since having her appendix removed, can squeeze into a 60cm (24in) by 45cm (18in) box, said she used to freak her mum out by hiding around the house.

‘I’d get into the washing machine, under the sink and things like that. My mum woke up one morning and found me in the bin next to her.

A feat quite impossible for the world’s tallest model Amazon Eve (made up name) real name; Erika Ervin (made up name), who at 6ft 8” has size 14 feet for a start, let alone 40inch hips and a 38D upholstery.

Uncannily, that has nothing to do with a Chinese man from the Guizhou province who, quite literally, hangs around in bars; by meat hooks through his skin to be precise.

But no fear, he charges 40 Yuan (£3.75) for folk to come see, which wasn’t half as entertaining, nevertheless, cheaper than the barmaids from Peel in Perth who hung spoons off their nipples, but that was another story covered months ago.

Shearlegs Road in Gateshead, Newcastle is the most pot-holed road in the UK – fact! Where’s yours?

(Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘I’m not sure there’s any tea in the fat blokes mug on Seamus’ video’.

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

What they’ve recently said: ‘Nothing’

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘A waiter asks a man, ‘May I take your order, sir?’, ‘Yes’, replies the man, ‘I was just wondering, how do you prepare your chickens?’ ‘Nothing special, sir, we just tell them straight out they’re going to die.’

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

Next instalment on Saturday 5^th March

Starring

Screaming Hypocrites

Chris & Louise

Tap Egavas

Great raffle prizes - All proceeds to…

www.100friends.org

Plus Sa’s infamous massaman

A quick spurt from our other sponsors…

Wanna buy a condo?

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

*Sheep are cleverer than we think according to neuroscientist Jenny Morton from Cambridge University. She hid food in coloured buckets and waited for the Welsh Mountain woollies to work it out – it took them seven goes – the same as monkeys and humans, although it’s believed most of the Welsh followed the sheep.

*Smokey the cat’s purr reaches 92 decibels, most cats’ get up to 25. 92, that’s as loud as a Boeing 737 landing. Owner Ruth said, ‘It’s either adorable or annoying, depending what mood you’re in.’ – There are ten ways to skin a cat and 14 different dismissals in cricket, but let’s leave that to the numbers.

Number crunching

*The biggest sunspot erupted on our solar system’s fiery ball this week, measuring 60,000 miles wide. It’s burst of x-ray and ultra violet radiation spewed tons of charged matter to earth that could probably upset radio stations - but it didn’t, shame or 91.thieve might have gained a personality!

*Rolls Royce has knocked out an electric version of their Phantom. Called the Phantom 102EX it will cost in excess of £300k. Barely cruising past 100mph the iconic brand will ask customers in a poll whether this is the ‘right thing to do’ before they market the hoover.

*Inventor of the world’s biggest Rubik’s cube says even he can’t get his head around it. The box has 1,539 pieces and took Dutchman Osker van Deventer 60 hours and £1,500 to design and he’ll be buggered if he can solve it. Rubik’s normal cubes are 3x3x3, Osker’s is 17cmx17cmx17cm. He also states he has no desire to make another.

I’m off – come on Pig

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

Just cf it

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

p.p.s. sport is back – and the mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz