17th - 23rd December 2010 volume 411
December, 22nd 2010 20:22 PM

“I had money, and I had none

But I never been so broke

That I couldn’t leave town”

(Doors)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 23.12.10                                           

For 4th battalion Duke of Lancaster’s Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

Bottoms up!

Swiss bank UBS has re-launched their credentials following the financial crisis by recommending staff not to wear loose skirts or flesh coloured underwear.

 

In a 52-page internal document outlines have drawn attention to customer awareness. Starting from the bottom; ladies should avoid underwear that is too tight and men’s briefs should be of, ‘good quality and easily washable, but still remain undetectable.’

 

Bosses are adamant the manpower used to devise such stringent necessities are but, ‘a recommendation and not hard and fast rules.’

 

Phew; stand easy bad quality, unwashable and highly detectable skids.’


 

 

Meanwhile a naked postman has been reprimanded in Wisconsin for delivering more than the full package.

 

David Goodman 52, noticed a 21-year-old female worker at a law firm on his rounds, who seemed to be stressed and unhappy. So to cheer her up he thought he’d undress, completely, before ringing the doorbell.

 

The lady, clearly unimpressed sighed, turned her head and said, ‘Give me the mail and get out of here.’

 

When questioned of his faux pas David said, he felt ‘bad and stupid.’

 

Just wanted one

 

Sex sells

A lesbian TV ad has been removed from Italian national TV for being too close to the knuckle.

 

The ad for a Renault car starts with a blonde and brunette meeting at a party and exchanging glances. The next scene sees the blonde remove her top in a bedroom before blindfolding the brunette with her stockings as she reclines suggestively on the bed seductively licks her lips.

 

The blonde is next in an underground car park comparing her pink top to the colour of the car, as a slogan reads, ‘New Twingo Miss Sixty, it’s a girl thing.’

 

One state TV commentator said, “The teasing in the commercial is electric – as the blonde licks her lips so are the audience.”

 

 

That of course follows Renault’s last brand, which was a cross between a Clio and Taurus called the Clitoris, which despite its notoriety couldn’t be found anywhere.

 

Beers to you

Stuart Howe has been busy making a weird and wonderful beer for every week of the year.

 

Some of his many delights are: a barley Tikka Vindaloo, offal beer and wait for it… bacon beer.

 

His; Turbo Yeast Abomination from Hell yields to a whopping 22% proof but he’s the first to admit its not to everyone’s taste and some of the others are a complete disaster, nevertheless he says its been a wonderful experience.

 

The pioneer of beer from Rock, Cornwall reckons his citrus fruit beer is the best, but concedes he has one more delight up his sleeve, “I have a hallucinogenic beer with wormwood and other botanicals coming up in a few weeks. I’m really looking forward to that.”

 

 

Police in Leicester busted a cannabis factory after realising it was the only house in the street with no snow on its roof!

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘William Blake’s doors of perception were closed so that everything to man would appear as infinite; for man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern. But I don’t think he was talking about just about the Chinese but for all races.’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Ian Dury was the worse song on cfnr so far.’ KKB

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I phoned the local builders today, I said, ‘Can I have a skip outside my house?’, He said, ‘I’m not stopping you.’

 

The Boat Lagoon Marina, Phuket – Hysterical Hour – 2-10p.m. every Friday Indian and Western food, caters for parties on and off the premises

Oh, and it’s for sale – if you’re interested contact fool on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com for more details.

 

 

 


Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*Silvestre the Orang-utan travelled first class on a 24 hour ferry crossing from Santander Spain to Portsmouth on a 690 mile trip. His mum abandoned him at the Santillanu Zoo and so Brittany Ferries forked out the £150 a night trip for him to be reinstated in Monkey World Wareham Dorset. Brittany Ferries eh, do anything for advertising – well, they’ll not get on this page.

 

*Saira is thought to be Britain’s first hermaphrodite dog. Owner John Candice believed the Staff Bull Terrier to be a woman but vets found both genital lurking under the skin. After a successful op Saira is now most definitely all bitch.

 

*Reindeers eat magic mushrooms for a laugh. They purposely seek out the fungi to break up the boredom of their diet. Then they make funny noises and stagger about. Mr. Hayes wrote in the Pharmaceutical Journal, ‘They have a desire to experience states of consciousness.’ Their herdsmen also drink the reindeer’s urine to get high!

 

Number crunching

 

*Klaus Pubnaz is the World Christmas Tree Throwing champion after hurling the 5ft pine a distance of 12m

 

*Kelly Brooke’s underwater frolic with porn actress Riley Streach in Piranha 3D was voted 2010’s Top Nude Scene by celebrity online site MrSkin.com. Owner Jim McBride said, ‘The quality of the nude scene was spectacular and stood out as by far the best.’

 

*Two thirds of men would like to envisage women in a sexy Basque everyday – preferably black or red – preferably satin or lace.

 

*A German conman tried to avoid a prison sentence by talking for a record 14 hours at the stand in a court in Freiberg. It didn’t wash; he was sentenced to 3 years 3 months for fraud.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – a mild, PotDQT and slight Fras showers!

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 

 

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