17th- 23rd Feb 2012 volume 471
February, 22nd 2012 12:56 PM

“like a dog without a bone

An actor out alone

Riders on the storm”

(The Doors)

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – that has lots, lots more!

  

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

 

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 23.2.12  

                                        

For elements of 5001 Squadron, Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

A game to keep you on your toes

                        Ultimate Tazer Ball is a new game which allows players to zap opponents with a 300,000-volt stun gun that induces a muscle spasm which will make them drop the ball or trip over.

There have been no official games played but the sport’s creators insist it is genuine and claim they are planning to form a league.

The game’s US inventors say the stun guns are designed to deliver eight milliamps of current – well below the lethal dose of one amp.

One player states; ‘If you’re scared, don’t play.’ Another says: ‘It hurts, man, it doesn’t feel good.’

Only the player in possession may be zapped as teams of four compete to manoeuvre an over-sized foam ball into their opponents’ net.

There are four fledgling teams – LA Nightlight, Philadelphia Killawatts, Canadian side Toronto Terror and San Diego Spartans.

Toronto Terror look set to encounter problems at home games, as stun guns are banned in Canada.

So let’s hope they can run.

You aint got that thing…

                        A 15-year-old German girl discovered her parents were swingers when she saw footage of them enjoying themselves at a sex club on a television show.

Her mum and dad had agreed to be filmed for the piece because they thought their identities would be disguised, but the production company forgot to pixelate the couple's faces.

They reacted by seeking damages from the TV channel, RTL for the suffering the family endured after the awkward incident.

However, a judge threw out their compensation claim, as the girl would have had to testify for it to have any chance of being successful, and he did not think that was appropriate.

He told the parents: 'I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. That's simply embarrassing.'

I blame the parents for letting her watch a show like that in the first place.

 On the run

The disappearance of Lord Lucan has fascinated the public for nearly 40 years and led to him being "spotted" as far a-field as Australia, India and the wine bars of the Netherlands.

He was even said to be living in a car in New Zealand along with a pet possum called Redfern and a goat named Camilla.

Now the tale of the aristocrat fugitive has taken a new twist after a woman claimed she helped him set up a new life in Africa.

The revelations come from an assistant to Lucan's close friend John Aspinall, the multi-millionaire zoo and casino owner who is reputed to have financially helped Lucan.

The lady claims that shortly after his disappearance in November 1974 she arranged for his children to fly out to see him and also help fund his new life.

In some other mistaken identities; Australian police arrested a man in 1974 they believed might be Lucan, but he turned out to be a Labour MP, John Stonehouse, who had faked his suicide a month before.

In 2003 a former Scotland Yard detective claimed that an ageing hippy living in Goa, India, was Lucan.

It later emerged that the bearded man — who bore a resemblance to the vanished aristocrat — was Barry Halpin, also known as "Jungly Barry", a well-known figure on the 1960s British folk music circuit.

Lady Lucan, 74, in the meantime, also dismissed claims made in a BBC Inside Out programme that her husband set up a new life in Africa as "nonsense".

"He was not the sort of Englishman to cope abroad," she said.

"It's rubbish, I can guarantee they didn't go to Africa. It's ridiculous, it's false.

"He likes England, he couldn't speak foreign languages and preferred English food. “These are people making a fast buck. It's so obvious he's dead.”

She believes Lucan committed suicide by throwing himself off a ferry at Newhaven, East Sussex, and said she did not have him pronounced dead for years as they did not have the money to pay death duties and school fees.

She says Lucan deliberately threw himself into the ferry propellers that would mangle the body and make sure no trace could be found to prove he was dead.

"It was tremendously brave of him to have done that," she said. "I think he was thinking of the children and their future.

Unlike Australian fugitive Malcolm Naden who has been on the run from police for a staggering for 2426 days - more than 6½ years.

Locals living on the rugged slopes of the Barrington Tops in Central Eastern Australia say Naden remains a constant visitor to the area, gliding between homes like a ghost.

In the past three weeks, it is claimed, he took shelter underneath a house at a property, Pindari Tops near Nowendoc. A couple and their children slept above, unaware the state's most wanted man was breathing quietly beneath them.

Another man, Brendan Kellett, came face-to-face with Naden through his kitchen window at Nowendoc at 2pm on January 7. Naden, wearing a stolen cap and Drizabone coat, fled into the bush, as Mr Kellett, who had just made himself a coffee, “nearly shat himself'' as he locked stares with the suspected killer, a neighbour said.

If not caught in the next 12 days, he will outdo Captain Thunderbolt - the bushranger who stalked the same area until 1870 - for time on the run.


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49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘see www.radioindochine.com and fool's sat show at 1p.m. in Phuket

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything. ‘I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.’
 ‘'
’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 


crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news


                        *Scientists have discovered the world's smallest chameleon in Madagascar at just 29mm, which is just about big enough to stand on the tip of a matchstick.

 

            *Experts at New Mexico's State University's Chile Pepper Institute have identified the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion as the hottest pepper on the planet.

There are super-hot chili varieties. And then there's the sweat-inducing, tear-generating, mouth-on-fire Trinidad Moruga Scorpion.

Its mean heat topped more than 1.2 million units on the Scoville heat scale, while fruits from some individual plants reached 2 million heat units.

"You take a bite. It doesn't seem so bad, and then it builds and it builds and it builds. So it is quite nasty," Paul Bosland, a renowned pepper expert and director of the chili institute, said of the pepper's heat.

During harvesting, senior research specialist Danise Coon said she and the two students who were picking the peppers went through about four pairs of latex gloves.

"The capsaicin kept penetrating the latex and soaking into the skin on our hands. That has never happened to me before," she said.

"People actually get a crack-like rush," Danise said. "I know the people who will eat the hottest stuff to get this rush, but they've got to go through the pain."

             

                        *A missing tortoise was returned to his family after getting trapped in a wire fence – for five months.

Buggsy was found stuck fast in a field a quarter of a mile from his home after his owners had given up hope of seeing him again.

'He was spotted in the fence by a neighbour and we think he was there for most of the time he was missing,' said Lucy Cameron, 43. 'He had rust on his shell and was underweight.

'If he had not been stuck he would have dug into the ground to hibernate in September.

'It's lucky we had a mild winter up to that point as I think he would have died during this cold patch.

'Tortoises can survive a long time without eating, especially if the weather is mild, because it helps to slow their metabolism right down. He was really undernourished when he was brought home.

Buggsy has been put under heat lamps at his hutch in West Wickham, Cambridgeshire, and is eating his way back to health.

 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show’s weekdays 7-10 and Saturday’s at 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcast later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching


 

 *A Chinese daredevil has broken a Guinness World Record after balancing 23 wooden benches on just his teeth in Chongqing, China.

30-year-old Li Hongxiao balanced the load for 11 seconds, with each bench one metre long, 45 centimeters high and weighing in at 3kg, the combined weight stood at a 69kg - almost as much as his 75kg body weight.

*A speed limit sign in Michigan reads: 6:49-7:15am, motorists must keep within the 25mph speed limit.

It then switches to 45mph for just 37 minutes before returning to the slower limit at 7:52am… and if that isn’t confusing enough it has 6 speed limit times in total – all reading specific times, which I don’t have so this news item is pointless.

*Robert ‘Choc’ Thornton is Britain’s most accident-prone jockey – after suffering 367 falls in his career.

Over the years he has broken all 24 ribs, shattered his left collar bone three times and his right collar bone six times, broken and lost several teeth, and torn ligaments and tendons.

Thornton, 33, said: ‘All jockeys expect to take a fall and be sat out once in a while. But I think – well, hope – I have probably had my fair share for now.’

Despite all his spills, his longest stay in hospital has been five days with his current injury. Even then he thought he was OK after hitting the deck – until the horse behind trod on him, which broke his arm.

Despite being laid up so often, Thornton has still managed to have a hugely successful career as one of Britain’s leading jump jockeys.

He has ridden 1,037 winners from 8,023 rides with wins in more than 20 top jump races, including 16 Festivals. He has also taken part in 13 Grand Nationals – although he has completed the course just four times.

‘I haven’t thought about giving up and the day I do will be the day I retire,’ said Thornton, of Stow-on-the-Wold, Gloucestershire. ‘You can’t ride with thoughts like that in your head.’

*An author who has written in text message shorthand could soon be all smiley faces and LOLs after finding himself in the running for the world's richest short story prize.

He is competing for the Sunday Times EFG Private Bank Short Story Award 2012, which is worth £30,000 to the winner.

Journalist and novelist Will Cohu - twice shortlisted for the award - has written his story, called Two Bad Thumbs, using text messages to create a seedy tale of an affair unravelling.

*A Swedish man was dug out alive after being snowed in to his car on a forest track for two months with no food.

The 45-year-old from southern Sweden was found last Friday, emaciated and too weak to utter more than a few words.

He was found not far from the city of Umea in the north of Sweden by snowmobilers who thought they had come across a car wreck until they dug their way to a window and saw movement inside.

The man, who was laying in the back seat in a sleeping bag, said he had been in the car since December 19.

"Just incredible that he's alive considering that he had no food, but also since it's been really cold for some time after Christmas," said local police officer Ebbe Nyborg.

*Heston Blumenthal is going to make a £207,000 test tube burger, which will contain the first beef patty produced in a lab.

The minced meat will be grown from cow muscle and fat stem cells cultivated by Dutch scientist Dr Mark Post.

Blumenthal, 45, holder of three Michelin stars, has been chosen to cook the burger for a mystery guest in October.

Dr Post said: "We can make a product that looks and feels like and hopefully tastes like meat."

But Dr Post said: "We could see mass production in ten to 20 years. Meat demand is going to double in the next 40 years."

Test tube meat would slash the number of cattle slaughtered — with each animal theoretically producing 100million burgers.

 

            *Meanwhile an American diner had to be rushed to hospital after suffering a cardiac arrest while eating a 6,000 calorie 'burger to die for' at the Heart Attack Grill.

The unidentified man was half-way through his mega-meal when he began suffering chest pains at the restaurant chain's Las Vegas branch.

'I actually felt horrible for him because the tourists were taking photos of him as if it were some type of stunt.'

'Even with our own morbid sense of humour, we would never pull a stunt like that.' Said owner John Basso

The gut-busting burger, a favourite with hungry customers, contains three slabs of meat, 12 slices of bacon and is usually accompanied by 'Flatliner Fries'.

Last year the company ran a promotion offering a free meal to any customers, known to staff as 'patients', weighing over 25st.

The recommended daily allowance for men is just 2,000 calories however some meals in the diner top over 8,000.

A controversial advert run by the company last year caused outrage promoting the restaurant's fat-tastic food- including the Quadruple Bypass Burger.

It featured the line: 'In some cases mild death may occur.'

            *A Dutch collector is selling some 5,000 unopened bottles of spirits worth more than £5 million - a drinks cabinet that includes the most expensive of Cognac in the world.

 

Among the bottles collected by Bay Van der Bunt is a 1795 Cognac made in Brugerolle that accompanied Napoleon Bonaparte on his conquests of Europe.

The hand-blown six-litre Jeroboam bottle is worth £114,500 and, said Mr van der Bunt, is "the last of its kind in the world".

Mr van der Bunt bought the bottle from a Chicago collector in 1990 for £20,000, an investment that has increased five-fold in value as wealthy Chinese and Russian buyers move into the market.

Also in the collection is a Courvoisier & Curlier worth £39,000, that was distilled from grapes plucked 223 years ago in 1789, the year of the French revolution.

Alas though Bay is haunted by the idea that a buyer might open and drink his historic brandies.

"I fear people will drink them. This will be more than a pity. It will be barbaric. Just barbaric."

            Meanwhile a rare bottle of 1955 Glenfiddich single malt whisky sold at auction for £44,000 – around £1700 a nip.

 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show’s Wake n Bake Breakfast Show 7-10a.m. and – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

 


 

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