16th - 22nd Sept 2011 volume 450
September, 21st 2011 19:29 PM

“Come on, come on, come on now touch me girl”

(Doors)


 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

  

Click on fool’s logo in home page – good one this week; – The One With …

Plus listen to and stream live on line at www.radioindochine.com

And catch his A Question of Sport… Of Sorts! Saturday’s 1-2p.m.

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 22.9.11                                           

For Elements of: 25 Squadron, Royal Air Force Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Too sexy for my bar

Jealous wives in Italy have petitioned to stop a sexy waitress from working as she is, ‘too sexy to serve’.

 

Word has spread in the small town of Cadelbosco Sopra of 27 year old Loredona Popesciue’s dancing and her big tips, so much so that government tax and health officials investigated the Romanian immigrant’s floor routine that she often performs for the customers, but found nothing but a brief flashing of ‘sexy underwear’ and definitely ‘no untoward touching’.

 

The small bar has raked in so much extra business the owner renamed it the Lory Pink Bar, but Lory herself, isn’t pleased.

 

‘Now I have a petition to deal with. These women are just jealous. I have Brazilian roots and I love to dance. What’s wrong with that?’

 

According to the local inspectors reports there is no breech of unlawfulness, but they cannot deny she has Brazilian roots.


 

The price you pay

Two Colorado men drove their dead friend around in their car and even used his money to stop off for a few beers.

 

Robert Jeffery Young and Mark Robinson propped up deceased pal Jeffrey Jarret in their car while they drank in a bar then ate in a restaurant. They then took him home and withdrew $400 from his account and visited a strip club.

 

Only then did they report the matter to the police. It is not clear how the man died, only that it cost him his life.

 

In a similar incident in 2010 a 57 year old woman drove her dead friend around with her in the boot for 10 months, as she was afraid the police might accuse her of something. Any foul play was eventually ruled out and she was charged with stupidity.


 

Open wide and say argh

Danish sperm bank Cyros has turned down red heads because of their ‘low demand’.

 

Director Ole Schoue says the only place where donors with red hair are in demand is Ireland, where they are selling like hot cakes. However, genes of the highest demand are from brown eyes and hair, with 600 on the list waiting to become donors.

 

Cyros, who deliver to 65 countries, warn men that eating bacon can damage sperm, as too can hoovering, whilst men with a high IQ produce better sperm; bizarrely 400 Vietnam Veterans were tested consisting of sperm tests and mental tests, where both results collaborated to produce the most desired specimens… who doesn’t want to be Rambo and Forest Gump!


 

 (sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘I am by no means a red head, but have often sprouted the auburn tinge of fire on my sideburns that stem no doubt from Celtic roots, but should the need arise to flay my genetic brown eye to the far flung corners of the globe I’d most definitely think twice about re-wording it better than that. Van Morrison sang about his Brown Eyed Girl and Mick Hucknell said it was too tight to mention, but at least Ginger Baker from Cream ticked all the right boxes, which is where I think it best we leave these ambiguous crossroads and play Ginger’s Get It Off Your Chest Request from the man himself…

 

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘When’s the radio show out old boy’ Lesley Philips


 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I did her portrait in oils. She has a face like a sardine.’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

There’s always the www.coreyashcroft.co.uk appeal – check it out

 

Don’t forget the classifieds pages – updated weekly

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP… probably Sept

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…


www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news


*Willow; a cat from Colorado missing for five years has turned up 1,800 miles away in New York.

 

* Had a piece about donkeys in a sanctuary in LA rescued from the hills of Hawaii, but it was just that.

 

Number crunching


 

*The world’s biggest chocolate bar weighs 870st or 12,190lb’s. The 4ftx3ft widex3ft high slab was made for touring schools to educate about portion control. Meanwhile Fruit Gums can be one of your daily five intakes of fruit and veg… providing you eat 195 a day, which will give you the recommended daily dose of vitamin C.

 

*Dolly Saville is the world’s oldest barmaid at 97. She’s been at the same pub, the Red Lion Hotel in Wendover, Buckinghamshire for 71 years and has only ever had a total of two weeks off sick.

 

*The longest fingernails reach 6metres and belong to Christine ‘The Duchess’ Walton, whilst the longest tongue goes to Chanel Tapper (real name) at 3.8 inches or 9.75cm’s. She said, ‘Some girls I’ve shown it have screamed and jumped back.’ – I’m sure they have.

 

*The biggest onion was grown by Peter Glazebrook at 17lb 5.5oz’s. The British pensioner picked up £500 for that prize plus a grand for the world record. He also owns the record for the largest potato and pumpkin and the longest beetroot, but not the leek that goes to John Pearson at 9.2kg’s or 20lb 5oz. If we’re on food; the biggest bratwurst is 47ft long.

 

*Legendary metal eating Serbian Branko Crnezrac was rushed to hospital after choking on a bicycle pedal. The 80 year old made a bet with pals he could finish a bike in three days. It shouldn’t have been a problem, except it went down the wrong way. In his 60 year career he’s woofed down 25,000 light bulbs, 12,000 forks, 2000 spoons and 2,600 plates, plus thousands of vinyl records. Surgeons removed 2 kilos of metal from his stomach and two gold rings.

 

*In a British survey of 2,124 people, 55% said they have romped outside, 43% have used a sex toy, a third have watched porn with their partner, 18% of women and 9% of men have dressed according to their fantasy’s, 0% of men adorned their genitals with jewels and one man was charged with trying to have sex with a sea defensive wall in Felixstowe.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. if you’re having trouble reading this because you are blind, why not try cf’s audio version of crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page


 

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