That was the week weren't it:

The scene: Elma Thud is on a bunny shoot in India and has hired a man-sub in the shape of fool. They sit by a camp fire, whilst Elma reminisces about the time that ‘he' got away.

Elma: Why, I had him in my sights I took aim and just before popping him clean away I gave me old wabbits foot a stroke for luck, which I keep here see, dangling from my left lapelle see.

fool: (silent)

Elma: Then bam, I gave him the what for right up the jacksy. I got him alright and slung him across my shoulders and wandered home, every now and then giving him a reassuring pat on the paw. Boy, what a wabbit stew I was gonna cook.

fool: (silent)

Elma: What do you think happened when I got him home?

fool: (silent)

Elma: He wasn't game, not that he wasn't game, he was game, but not game to be stewed, who would be,  but he was game, just he wasn't there, he was gone. He must have just slipped away; I put it down to mixing me toesies!

fool: (silent)

Narrator: silence

1. In what decade did Bugs Bunny first appear on the telly?

2. Where does a browser find its food?

3. What is the term given to a side of un sliced bacon?

4. On which river does Munich stand?

5. Sabine and Saladin are types of what?

6. A fear of floods is known as what?

7. In World War One who made up the Triple Entente?

8. What symbol represents a battlefield on an Ordnance Survey map? A) A cannon B) Crossed swords C) A flag

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I? Thick and fast, twice as smelly and one behind the other came the answers last week and none of them right. It seems the punters are getting edgy with frustration so I'll not crap on but let you review the previous two clues before batting on to clue No.3: Have a look again: Here's that clue to the first Big Give-away in the Big Comp; clue No.1, "Wales is my home but words are my love."  - Clue No.2: "He may not have been an author but my Arthur was a leader even though he wasn't head of the table, which was my idea by the way." - And onto this week's Clue No.3, "I didn't plan it but I did get Lanced-a-lot!"

is it me?

Big prizes to be won in the next couple of weeks - check the *comps and results page for all the details.

Scores at the end of week 19 in the 2008 series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in. And the Big Comp tally in sub, sub brackets, just to confuse ya.

For the thirsty; here's mud in yer eye:

Dracule: 10 (1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 6 (1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 2 (1) (1)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: you'd love it not to be you, but it probably is!

Quote for the week:

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

Steven Wright

*Non-descript trivia moment*

COTTON MEASURES

1 thread...54 inches

1 skein...80 threads

1 hank...7 skeins

1 spindle...18 hanks

fool's Gold

• France and Italy produce over 40% of all wine consumed in the world

• Bananas contain a natural chemical which can make a person happy. The same chemical is found in Prozac

• Sixty cows can produce a ton of milk a day

Dr. Phil O'logy: our Wordman's word of the week:

Dr. Phil has discovered there is another word for it!
ecdysiast - (Eki - dee- ziast - or if you're American - Ek-dee-ziast)- "a performer who provides erotic entertainment by undressing to music."

Why don't we use it more? It's sounds so much more attractive - after all "stripper" could be the Fool himself in a previous employ! (painting and stripping that is - thank goodness

Things that are really getting up my nose, on my goat and in my wick this week:

Losing everything I had on my computer.

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and wine by the bucket. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam - I think! - Some cracking live music of late folks too.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. - Particularly like the new sand-pits dude.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness.

We have our usual High Mountain week scheduled for 7-14 June which is one of the best weeks we run and with the recent snow on the peaks promises to be as spectacular as ever.  We love this week and really want to fill it up so we're offering very cut price places for locals, friends and family.  If you, or anyone else you know are interested please get in touch - feel free to send this on.  Basically the price is up for negotiation depending on folk's means.  It's a suitable week for a reasonable fit person - it's not a stroll in the park.....  But you don't have to be a mountaineer either and the wish to get up there is half of the effort.  Walks are chosen to gradually accustom folk to the height, heat and usual stony ups and downs.  If you would like more information after checking out the attached info sheet (with photos!) just email.

Hoping there are some potential High Mountain walkers out there!

Un abrazo fuerte para tod@s!
Fi

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:  Best wabbit stew I've ever made - first one, but best one. See what else they have here:

Butchery & Delicatess

 41 Nam Ky Khoi Nghia Street, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City.

(Nearby intersection of NKKN St and Nguyen Cong Tru St)

Open from 8.30am-8.00pm

Tel: +848 8216057 or 9144376

Email:info.kimhai@media.net.vn

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week? - Don't forget...There's a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; with all your AFL know-how knowledge, bits...thingy-ma-jig...

*Trigger:  There's no-one who knows the trots better

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in... at this rate probably not till Sept, but who knows, the fool feels something brimming!

*Tit-bits - True.../

*Grub-Up - * New- New - new* - Do yourselves a flavour and get a wabbit - see the menu for cooking - I followed it then turned it into a stew - beautiful.

Poetry Corner: Reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫...will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman - Read all the Fishman's tails in On The Pond, May ‘08' - new one out NOW folks, something to do with an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver - it's all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - you can't compete with concrete...

Mr. Meaner... why, if it wasn't for that pesky wabbit

Now;

The rugby bit for rugby folk, et all; if you're not keen please move on:

What did happen this week?

Let's kick off with this:

Super 14's

The Sharks beat the Chiefs 47-25 in a team turnaround thriller. The Durbanites needed a four try tally or a win by 18 points; they did it in 7 and 22.

Ruan Pinnaar had a great game at fly half and is looking pretty handy in that position, and starring for the opposition; Mils Miliania laid a nice hand off to push his way over for a great individual score.

Kankowski struck form again and scored twice and surely on this form the Sharks look good for a final!

The Force beat the Brumbies 29-22 in an absolute humdinger in the Subiaco Oval. It was their first win against Aussie opposition too!

It may have only been a spot for pride and a nice present for Laurie Fisher's 50^th game in charge of the wild horses, but after a dazzling start, it all went wrong.

Fainifo got his first S14 try in the 2^nd minute off a Lealiifano chip through and a couple of minutes later Mark Gerrard helped himself to the line from a superb pass by George Smith.

Not long later Fainifo was in again in the corner off a great off-load from Mortlock and suddenly things looked mathematically in favour for the B's.

At 22-0 down it looked like a pay off from the Force, until that was Haig Sare found the hole and put through the young lad James O'Connor for his first ever S14 try and from then on they never looked back.

Mortlock tried to explain it after the game, "It was a game of two halves and you cannot explain it." - And he couldn't.

The Highlanders beat the Crusaders 26-14 at the AMI Stadium and although the tournaments favourites were totally off the boil you can't account for being soundly beaten.

The Blues beat the Hurricanes 19-17 at Eden Park and did it by just holding on to that two point margin.

Hosea Gear scored for the men in yellow on just 53 seconds and things looked ambiguous but then the Blues clawed their way back through some nice tight play with penalties for rewards, although three tries were disallowed by the TMO.

Anthony Boric, the Blues 2^nd rower shone in this game and see if he's not on the bench come June.

The Bulls beat the Cheetah's 60-20 in what looked a half decent game at 18-17 at the break, but it wasn't, unless you're a Bulls fan of course. - Where were they doing that two months ago?

Lastly the Tah's played a great derby match against the Reds beating them 18-11. In a game with plenty of niggle Wycliff Palu continued to be on form for the Sydney-siders, as did Phil Waugh. Then there's Berrick Barnes playing at No.12 for the Reds, who's maturing into to quite a handful

Shorts:

Tah's coach Ewen McKenzie is no longer going to Stade Francais, but is keen on Ireland, Munster in fact. He was keen to stay at the Warratah's camp, but the NSWRFU and players basically said no, even though he did guide them to a semi. Now it seems he's on course for a bitch fight getting in at Munster as fellow Aussie Tony McGahan, the current defence coach is hot favourite.

The Japs beat HK 75-19 to wrap up their Asian Five Nations Championship. John Kirwin must have been taking the piss when he said, "Hong Kong fought us well. They put us under pressure as the scoreboard shows." - They now head off to play the big boys, Tonga, Samoa, Fiji, NZ Maori and Aussie ‘A' in the Specific Nations Cup.

Lions coach Ian McGeechan is taking 35 players, five coaches and a small medical team to MB-land next year and each player will be on ₤35k a game.

Leicester beat Gloucester to make a Guinness Premiership final with Wasps who beat Bath, but poor old young fella Danny Cipriani broke his ankle, which was pretty nasty, which is a shame because we won't get to see the Young Player of the Year in NZ, because, he is something to watch. He should be back for the November Tests.

Anthony Tuitavake and Stephen Brett are tipped for a middle pairing for NZ come their June Tests, but don't be surprised if you see Conrad Smith rear his extremely 1970's ugly head.

Heineken Cup final this weekend and Cedric Heymans goes into his record breaking fifth final; four for Toulouse and one for Brive. He says, "There is just one thing that scares me a little. I've been in five finals and the only one I've lost was when I was in the starting XV. So the coach is going to have to think about that." - Think about it yourself Froggie

Lastly the Barbarians play Belgium this weekend, Ireland on 27^th and England on 1^st June and there's plenty of stars hanging around in the 30-man squad, so give em a viewing.

John Smit's; films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 - the fool promises!

Called the John Smit's XV, as he's the current World Cup winning captain, so we've got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

• 15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with CL) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. Simpsons 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

England and NZ drew their first Test at Lord's last week, and despite the lack of play due to the weather, (there's a lot of it about right now) there were some highlights, most notably that pissed up Kiwi in the crowd trying to find his way back to his seat with a beer in hand, an unsteady gait and the inevitable and trip up.

Other than that Vaughan got a well earned 106. It might have been his first ton in 18 months but he did equal Gooch's record for six of them at Lord's. He said, "I had a feeling when I came here on Monday I'd get a good score. It's all a bit surreal." - Yeah, spooky man!

Vettori took a five-fer, Anderson bowled well, both Cook and How batted into the 60's, Oram secured the draw with a tidy 101, but it was McCullum's hit of 97 off 96 that decorated a very entertaining Test match.

Anderson said of the Mc, "Brendan played magnificently. He's hard to contain when he hits the ball like that and it's quite distracting when he comes down the pitch." - Don't fire till you see the whites of his eyes laddie.

Round two of three is Friday at Old Trafford, where Darrell Hair will resume his umpiring career - call him a racist bastard Monty when he doesn't give your lbw's, go on fool dares you.

Meanwhile, Warney's playing with the media over in IPL-land where he's been suggesting he'd love to play in next year's Ashes. It was a simple throw-away comment where he reflected on the tediousness of travelling in cricket, and missing his kids etc...and that he'd play if Punter asked him, "It would be great to just turn up and play Test cricket." - Yeah, righ-o Warney...err see yer next year then!

And that's it for this week

Till next week...

Other sports:

Don't do football, but here are some interesting facts about the Champions League, just won by Man U. Officially UEFA pays the winners ₤5.9m, the losers (Chelsea) ₤3.3m, in fact on the night Man U were expected to earn around ₤85.5m and Chelsea ₤30m. Winning obviously generates more sponsor money, merchandise etc but on top of that the City itself is expected to get a ₤10m lump from added tourism over the next year. When you're beamed to 150m viewers worldwide and have computer games of the competition in over 200 countries, players wages go up. Personally I blame the Chinese!

And now let's hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Everyone is getting their kit off these days and personally I don't understand it. I mean if all and sundry are at it then it's tantamount to undermining porn, isn't it? When you start to devalue something, i.e. the recent law passed in Britain where dads are deemed ‘optional' in cases of UVF treatment, then a whole set of kids-ology, i.e. a good grot mag under the bed, will be obsolete, lost forever. Where are our values in life?  If it isn't models jumping off buildings in the raw, nudist's beaches, parks and more ‘buff special' celebrity calendars popping up all over the place than you can shake a wobbly bit at, then it's a bunch of women baring all on horse back in London's Hyde Park. Of course we're not grumbling and ok, they were promoting a new film in Lady Godiva and helping to raise a splash of spondulacs for cancer. But soon everyone will be flashing a pierced nipple and not one bugger will snigger.

Lady Godiva you ask? A wife of an 11^th century earl of Coventry who rode naked on horse back through the city's streets in protest at her husbands harsh taxes on the people. Something I wouldn't have minded seeing Lady Michael of Kent do 25 years ago, although I'm not getting on my high horse about it.

Over half of Britain's men rate a woman's sense of humour higher than looks or intelligence - Obviously negligible when a pint-ratio comes into the equation.

Let's just keep with the Brits for a bit and this depresses me; eight out of ten can't cook an egg and less don't know how to roast a chicken. 9% believe you can roast potatoes in less than 30 minutes. A spokesman from the supermarket Somerfield said, "Long may parents pass on their culinary skills. It would be criminal to rob future generations of dishes like Shepherds Pie." - fool couldn't agree more - read the wabbit wecipe on the Grub Up page yet?

More food: Burger King have introduced a ‘6 pack', which is six rolls joined together, each with an Aberdeen Angus patty, ketchup, cheese and bacon inside. It's a family meal out to compete with pizza's - all for ₤4.49. - Rather have the shepherd's pie - it's the fool's favourite dish.

If that doesn't fill you up how about this; a Wall Street Burger Shopper, $175 gold plated burger. Inside is Japanese Kobe beef, black truffles, seared fois gras, aged Gruyere cheese, wild mushrooms and flecks of gold on a brioche bun. Co-owner Heather Tierney states, "Wall Street has good days and bad days. We wanted to have the everyday burger ($4) ... and then something special if you have a really good day on Wall Street." - They shift about 20-25 a month. I wonder if the cleaners hang around the toilets just that little bit longer these days.

Meanwhile, veggie sausages have got too much salt. Two Fry's bangers have nearly all the 6g of recommended daily intake. Even Linda McCartney's have 38% more than a Quorn banger. Boff Graham MacGregor of the Consensus Action on Salt and Health gnarled, "I think vegetarians will be very surprised. Salt at these levels puts you at risk of stroke and heart disease." - See, bloody do-gooders... eat meat.

eat meat

Crazy Rock n roll capes part XXXI:  "Music doesn't lie, if there is anything that can change in this world then it can happen through music." Jimi Hendrix

It seems that chewing gum in hospitals will become a mandatory post op remedy. Consultant nurse Harriet Wright has earned her masters stripes by surveying the effect chewing gum has on post op bowel surgery patients. Her six month study of 67 patients surmised they could leave hospital up to 1½ times sooner, as the chewing triggers gastric hormones. Harriet smugly blew a bubble and spewed, "Gum gets patients better and home quicker."

nurse!

An African Grey parrot told a vet, ‘I'm Yosuke Nakamura.' Then gave his full address.

Oz engineer Gerard Mimmo 36 and his Brit wife Racheal 28 are driving across Australia, 30,000miles, in their adapted four wheel drive, fuelled by the waste vegetable oil from fish and chip shops en-route. Their old tub, which they've renamed Battered Fish has already done the 1,000m from Sydney to Brisbane, but the eco-warriors are not just relying on stinky exhaust fumes to chug them along, no, they'll be re-writing the self righteous book by using solar power, biodegradable products, staying in bush camps and eating locally produced food.

local food

Peter Kay corner - very Cooper-esque; Universal truth: "You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with."

Ok lastly, a bikini clad car wash firm have got the local council in lather, and are accused of being a traffic hazard to motorists. The Kittens car wash co. in Melbourne, Australia has been rebuked by the Victorian Civil and Administration Tribunal for promoting their Kittens strip club, citing that the car wash needs a separate business permit. The big wigs have given them until 13^th August to reduce their staff from eight to two, remove promotional billboards and put up a fence. Porn racketeer boss Angelo Dimozantos says he is a victim of a morale crusade, "We must be the only car wash in Melbourne that has a staff restriction placed on it." - That's one up for Harold. Ramsey Street can sleep peacefully again.

just cf it

cf