Crazy Fool's Newsround - 16th - 22nd April 10 volume 376

16th - 22nd April 10 volume 376
April, 21st 2010 20:29 PM

“I’ve been waiting so long

To be where I’m going

In the sunshine of your love”

(Cream)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order – although sport should always come first

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 22.4.10

For the Headquarters, 101 Logistics Brigade

The rugby bit:

Cheating by beating,

Is it right?

Published 22.4.10

Heineken Cup: patience now, the semi’s are not till 1^st and 2^nd May

Guinness Premiership:

Right Said Fred played-in Saracens game against Quins, spurring them onto a 37-18 victory. Let’s not get confused here; they didn’t actually play, but piped them in so to speak. Yes, razzmatazz, in its loosest term, has finally made it to the Guinness, where Schalk Brits brought his own culture to the fore in this game, sneaking a try in between Andy Saull’s two. Winger Michael Tagicakibou and Ernst Joubert also touched down, with Brooker, Monye and York saddling up and riding their ponies for the Quins despite some overall very poor defence and indeed, poorer 80’s throwbacks during the interlude – bonus points for the bloke who sang that. However, no bonus points for guesing that neither Jim Staples not Frankie Croxford played/… Bath rattled Sale 34-15/… L. Irish went down to a ‘resilient’ Leeds, who determined to stay up won 23-12. Tries from Jon Goodridge and Luther Burrell steered them up to 9^th spot affording only a consolation try from Peter Hewatt in the corner for the Exiles/… Newcastle fell awkwardly to Leicester 7-31, putting the Tigers back on top with four tries in the first 30 minutes. The entire Falcons front row pulled up crook a day before kick off and easy work was had in Leicester’s set piece. Moody ran in two tries, Johne Murphy and Toby Flood chipped in with the others/… Northampton got back to winning ways after exiting the Heineken Cup and beat Gloucester 38-23. Chris Ashton nabbed a hat trick, which tallies his total to 22 tries in 29 games/… Wasps had a scrap with table mud-skippers Worcester before sinking them 24-20. Simon Shaw was back from injury and immense, however, Dominic Waldcock put his name down for two tries and Tom Rees the other. Pat Sanderson and centre Alex Grove scored for the wailing Warriors.

Top 14:

Clermont nipped Castres 25-19. Marius Joubert opened the try account for the ‘Cler’s’ with Romain Cabanes responding swiftly for the ‘Ca’s’. A tidy ball off the ball from Marc Andreu saw Elvis Vermulan take the winner – a-ha/… A dogged affair kept Bourgoin in the Top14 with their win over Toulouse 15-13, despite a southerners early try from Thunderbird Virgil Lacombe/… Toulon took Perpignan 33-23. Luke Rooney touched down first for Toulon. Perpignan replied via Farid Sid and not, as hotly disputed, Right Said Fred, although that name has probably stuck now. Rooney slipped in again, and Gregory Le Carve created a tantalising finish before Sgt. Wilko snuck over a drop goal to nail it/… Albi snuffed Stade Francais’ chances of a Heineken Cup entry next year with a 38-24 win in Albi-land. Burban and Bergamasco touched down early for the Parisians but second half tries from Dave (finally, another Dave and not David or Davit) Valinqueur, Kevin Bologne, Lapeyere, Lional Beauxix and Guillame Bousses sealed it/… Montauban and Montpellier had a fight. Five yellows were issued and it took till the 30^th minute for any score. Then Vietnam’s own Trinh Duc popped through a gap to score and a drop goal later and Montpellier came up smelling of a 19-16 win/… Bayonne pounced on Brive and reeled in a 33-25 win, which effectively puts them out of a play-off contention. Thibault Lacroix and Sam Gerber scored for Bayonne and Jamie Noon and Ross Filipo to the visitors/… Racing Metro 92 held Biarritz 29-22 and look good for the play-offs. Balshaw’s try put the Basques’ ahead. Johnny Wisniewskiwellski punted some points back. Aussie Karmichael Hunt put the Parisians back in the lead on the 50^th minute with a superb counter attack try. Jonny Leo’s try in the corner made for a tense finish, which culminated in a Chabal surge to be gathered up by Bernaud Le Roux for a 79^th minute winner for the 92’s.

Magners League:

Glasgow tipped Ulster 25-18. Dan Parks’ four second half drop goals and a Morrison try steered that victory/… Leinster beat Ospreys 20-16. Isa Nacewa ferreted an 80 metre intercept for the Irish, despite Dan Biggar’s 31^st minute effort. It was the Osprey’s third game in six days, and you could say they were knackered, but we won’t/… We then laughed out loud as a top strength Leinster side played and lost to Connaught midweek 27-10. Brian Tuohy, Michael Swift and Troy Nathan scored for the West Irish Kingdom. Jim Staples did not play/… Blues done the Scarlets 39-16. 24 unanswered second half points favoured Cardiff’s Jamie Roberts x2 and Richie Rees tries, despite Scarlets’ Regan King’s opener/ And, I thought I had more…but I don’t.

www.cfnr.co.uk

Super14’s

Reds beat Bulls 19-12 in Queensland in a frenetic game fraught with astonishment as opposed to disbelief at the Reds pliability to succeed this season. In short, they did everything better than their more favoured opponents, which they have curiously succeeded at doing all season. They mixed control with wide surges and tight fringe play with precision running. However, Derick Kuun touched down after five minutes for the ‘Is-it’s’ against the run of play, and if the Bulls were going to notch another it would also have to be against the Red wave. Will Genia punted a monster up field and Scot Hogginbotham was on the end of the sprint that out paced two backs for his try. Off a lineout in the 58^th minute Will Chambers found space, nipped it to Anthony Faingaa, onto Digby with Rod Davies to finish. In an exciting finale Pedrie Wannanburg scored with 11 minutes left on the clock, but it wasn’t enough. The Reds will surely make the play-offs, but a home tie? We’ll wait and see/… Crusaders caressed their top spot with a win over the hapless Cheetahs 45-6. Kahui Fotuali’i’s curve run to the corner opened the account, Ryan Crotty went over via a set of neat hands, Thomas Waldrom got over from the back of a maul, his second came from the back of a scrum, some more slick hands put Sean Maitland in, Ben Franks snuck one from a five metre push and Zac Guildford finished the rout coming off the bench/… Blues cheated with all their might and decided to play some fantastic rugby, beating the Mighty Force 38-17. Three tries in the first 12 minutes had the Perth lads on the back foot. Joe I-should-cocko ran in a hat trick thanks to his sensational work rate and a couple of inside and pop balls from Luke McAlister and Stephen Brett. Tony Woodcock got his name on the five point list, with Luke McAlister again helping out with the final pass for Rudi Wulf’s try. The Force literally tried to force their way through a stubborn defence and often opted to run a quick tap ball, which on one occasion ended up in Mathewson’s hands ending in a runaway try for the Blues. David Pocock did touch down for the Force and a penalty try made them feel a tad better, but cheating by beating the Force with scintillating play when they were on a roll – is it on! Still, I suppose the Blues will make the play-offs – if they play like they did in this game, who knows/… Brumbies really messed it up against ‘Canes and lost 13-23. They tried to force the game just like the Force and pushed too many balls and hurried too many a move. Having said that Patrick Phibbs went over from a scrum for the only score in the first half and as the ‘Canes defended vigorously making 61 tackles in the first half alone with only 29% of the possession you somehow knew they were up for it. Conrad Smith went over after some hefty forward grunt. Cory Jane worked one for Tamati Ellison. The Git snared a try out wide for himself in an otherwise quiet game and quiet season. Victor Vito then popped under the posts for the winner/… Chiefs were out muscled by brawn and belief from the Stormers 49-15. Amidst bouts of brilliance Jacque Fourie started a move in his own 22 then Burger, Naquelenoki, Louw and Tiaan Liebenberg took it up to the Chiefs line for Habana to score. Some poor tackling let Duane Vermulan in for the Stormers second, yet glimmers of hope favoured Latimer’s try for a Chief’s score only to be snuffed out by Liebenburg’s and a brilliant side to side move finished by Dean Fourie. Tan Nanai-Williams fed Chiefs a consolation, but realistically they have a long shot in making the finals in the next five weeks/… Ok, Sharks had the Lions 32-28 but it was hard battle mingled with some classic running rugby. Ruan Pinaar’s ball to Patrick Lambie put Stormers on the board first. Andy Goode then saw Odwa Ngwenye with acres of room on the wing to score, so he gave him a long pass to score. Odwa scored. Bismarck du Plesis helped himself to a pop from John Smit to also score and Michael Killian, a man for the future went unaided under the posts. He scored. Carlos Spencer pulled off a great game at fullback for the Lions and also he had hands in both Kruger and Franco van der Mewre’s tries. Jacque Botes replied, as did Derick Minnie to pulsate a heart stopping finish, yet ultimately it turned out to be a bonus point for the Durbanites.

fool says:

It’s been Super14’s and the Force the last couple of games, so this week fool will switch to the Guinness Premiership and the St. Georges Day game of Wasps v Bath at Twickenham. It will be a thriller. The Cip will have a corker and Wasps will win by three tries to two at 28-21 – wanna bet?

Some shorts:

Doesn’t seem to be a lot this week, bar Flutey is doubtful for England’s two Test tour DownUnder in June. He’s still got a dickie shoulder. Not like Simon Shaw, the Wasps, England, Lion and captain of the English Cricket Club in Saigon, who at 37 is going stronger than ever.

Simon, given that the dust has settled over Europe, will be in Phuket this weekend for the ECCS world cricket tour, picked up a World Cup winners medal in 2003 but says it doesn’t count and is embarrassing, as he didn’t play a game. In 2007 England were of course cheated by the ‘42^nd-46^th minute great Cueto try debate’ of, um, 2007.

Now the man who potentially eyes every game as his last says the next world cup, ‘has suddenly crept up on me’, which makes him more determined than ever to play through to 2011

He also says he likes bashing up the French and not to be in the Heineken Cup is a huge disappointment, yet to take Wasps to Premiership victory might just make up for it.

Flutey on the other hand is to leave Brive for Wasps next season. He signed up for a couple of years, played five games, had two shoulder surgeries and got paid a packet. He obviously doesn’t like the French either.

Piri Weepu is still undecided if he likes the French and or indeed Graham ‘eyebrows’ Henry, as he’s contemplating a move there next year; One, because there’s no pay cap and two, because he’s not sure if his place in the All Blacks is favoured. ‘Eyebrows’ told the press this week that New Zealand, “Have scrum halves in depth, but none with stand out qualities.” – So fuck him Piri and take the cash.

Meanwhile the Italians acceptance in the Magners League has spurred a return wave of exiled players. Latest on the list is 72-capped prop Perugini, who spent three years at Toulouse and one at Bayonne. He’s off to Viadana. Other movers have been Saracen’s Carlos Nieto and Martin Aguero. Gloucester’s Mario and Bortolomi. Then there’s Cesna, Onjaro and what of Parisse and Canale. Rugby’s changing rapidly and soon you’ll have players just playing in their own countries – unthinkable.

Finally, Greg Somerville has definitely, definitely made up his mind though, after last week when he definitely made his mind up to go to the Rebels next season from Gloucester. The Kiwi is definitely going to Melbourne. End of chat.

Some competitions now: If you’d like to take part in fool’s rugby comps check out the comps & results page –win a prize!

Send your team(s) to cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Also - See THE NEW extra RUGBY BIT’s new column for: ‘Gezza Strip’

end rugby here!

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Have you had yours today?

A willow the wisp of cricket now:

And now ladies and gentlemen a thribble on the light side:

You’re only supposed to

blow the bloody doors off!

As the dust settles over Europe so do the speckled flecks of shrapnel flitter into the edgy minds of any western IPL player.

The bombs in Bangalore have left a shockwave of farcical proportions wafting over the whole IPL affair. As the first bomb exploded at Chinnaswamy Stadium, players were warming up on the pitch. Through a hurried conflab they, apparently voiced by just one player who as it turns out didn’t really have a conflab with anyone, decided it was nothing and play should continue.

Dumbfounded westerners rattled around in obvious discomfort in and out of the dug out and wondered how security wasn’t consulted before a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders said, ‘Booomb, what booomb? It’s nothing, ok, we play.’

Press pressure then forced the semi finals from Bangalore to Mumbai but logistics were left to Bangalore’s congestion as the Royal Challengers bus got stuck in traffic.

KP, Jacque Kallis, Mark Boucher and Dale Steyn sat pooping themselves outside the bomb site en-route to Mumbai’s semi finals with only two policemen in a Tuk Tuk beeping their hooter as escort.

In the actual finals themselves, if we are to believe the outcomes are true and not as certain Indian MP’s refer to the IPL as a tax racketeer and ‘glorified gambling with black money’ are Deccan Chargers who snared an 11 run victory over Delhi Daredevils.

The Devils were unlucky and floundered just shy of the Chargers 145-7 total with Colly still clasping to the helm on 51* and Ashish Nehra by his side on 22*. Yet the Deccan lads worked collectively, yet it has to be said their only real sauce came from Andrew Symonds 54* that included five 6’s in 30 deliveries.

Gilly puts his Chargers efforts at lying 2^nd on the grid down to belief, much like the turtle in Kung Fu Panda, whereas Mumbai Indians are simply first placed by being consistently good. And needles to say a $4.13 billion IPL brand value will be hard pushed to knock them off their perch; no matter how smelly the bookies cook, not suggesting of course the mains haven’t already been served!

Fact: the Deccan Chargers are the worst team in the finals, despite having won it last year. They’ve lost more games than they’ve won, but always manage to wreak havoc in the knock-outs. Anyone smell rats?

Chennai SuperKings slipped up to fourth after a cracking game against King XI Punjabs. MS Dhoni steered a 6 wicket victory with 2 balls to spare leaving himself on 54*. Badrinath also notched a half century on 53 and Raina’s 46 helped chase the King’s 192-3. Shaun Marsh tallied an 88 big hit in their knock.

The Bangaloreans finally succumbed to bomb pressure and bowed out in the semi’s to Mumbai’s 35 run win. Keiron Pollard propped up Sourabb Twiney’s 52* with 33 of his own and a 3-17 spell with the ball.

More of that next week.

Meanwhile back in Blighty Stuart Broad said he didn’t want to join the IPL party to avoid burnout and said, “I feel better for a break and we’ve had a busy international season and a hectic winter coming up.”

Beefy was almost inclined to agree with him, but was more directional towards the over kill of World Cup’s as opposed to just cricket. He can’t get his head around why we are having another Twenty/20 World Cup in the Caribbean only 9 months after the one in England, stating its overkill, and it will, “Kill the goose that laid the golden egg.” – Who’s cooking the goose now.

As for the winter schedule i.e. the Ashes, The Beef reminded us how 2007’s tour was a shambles with absolutely no preparation amidst a swagger of apathy and said of England, “I’d like to see them play a couple of state games before their first Test – if it’s not too taxing.”

Meanwhile, whilst the Indians are leaving security to Tuk Tuk drivers and bean counting to culinary bookies, Pakistan’s ex captain Mohammad Yousef will not appeal his fine and ban for ‘ill discipline’ as opposed to being simply bad at cricket, but instead will leave any chance of reprieve in the hands of Allah.

The PCB have fined seven of their top cricketers for their poor performance against Australia suggesting in house bitching curtailed bad flavour and whole-hearted discomfort in the dressing that crossed to the paddock.

Younis Khan has also been banned for an indefinite period, whilst Shoaib Malik, Rana Naved-ul-Hasan have 1 year plus a 2 million rupee whack ($24k). Also fined are Shahid Afridi, Karma Akbul, Umar Akbu and Uma Thirman.

With Umar Gil and Yasar Arafat already injured their Twenty/20 side will struggle to beat their neighbours Afghanistan in the Windies.

At least they’ll be there unlike England who are still trying to wade through the fog. Last we heard they were on the end of a bus hanging over a cliff in Southern Spain, the wags at one end the team at the precarious end when Levi turned to his team mates and said, “I’ve got a plan”

Till next week…

GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Other Sports:

In F1

Jensen Button and The Ham made it one, two on the Chinese podium after starting five, six on the grid, which left the Red Bull’s in a right two and eight.

Button consulted Michael Fish the weatherman, who ever since failing to predict the great British storm of 1987 has been trying to redeem himself. Surely the Button whisperer has done it now.

From his advice Jensen opted for slicks and stood proudly on the winners mantle spouting, “It is not just about being quick, it is about reading the conditions.”, whilst Michael was dragged screaming from the track side, ‘You bastard Jensen, you said you’d tell them it was me, it was me…it was me…’

The Ham on the other slice made sure that if anyone wasn’t aware, all his own success has been down to him - His aggressive driving and not Vettel’s whinge-bag retorts, which steered towards dangerous shenanigans in the pit lanes - And the fact that Button has clearly found the easy route so far, whereas as he has had to do it the hard way.

But does he have any green blood? The Ham simply likes the competition and from his underground lair beneath his caravan an echoed burped; “There are no issues. The good thing with me and Jensen is that we clearly want to beat each other,”, as he was heard hammering home a six inch nail through the heart of a small Jensen doll.

Meanwhile ex Rolling Stone Bernie Ecclestone confirmed Korea’s GP will go ahead in October, New York, Rome and Russia’s street races are looking likely and India’s F1 appearance will take place as soon as they can work out how to keep commuters off the roofs.

In boxing:

Wladimir Klitschko really hates David Haye, and although nothing has been arranged yet, he is already visualising the fight; “I want to enjoy punching him for 12 rounds and then knock him out at the last moment.” “It’s not sadistic,” he said, “Just a wish.”

“I really don’t like anything about him. He lies, he’s sneaky, but this is a personal issue to me. I don’t like him.”

Doesn’t he go on. Blimey, just fight him.

Meanwhile Ricky Hatton, who’s fighting weight now resides at small elephantweight has finally admitted he’s lost the desire to box. He said he could take losing to the Pac-man or Floyd, but training so hard to come unstuck against a nobody would crush him. fool says, don’t train and you certainly will crush them Ricky.

World Cup news:

Durban’s new King Shaka international airport has been tried and tested in a ‘fake’ capacity and will open on 30^th April, offering plenty of time before the World Cup and a far more convenient location than before to enable tourists get the f*&k out of there quicker when it all goes off.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. www.bootlace.com
Not just a walk in the park

And now let’s hear it for the news:

Bongbong bong:

Tom’s foolery

The gang of Britain’s biggest jewellery heist was brought to justice this week. However, the tom foolery worth £40m is still at large after the heavily disguised thieves raided Graff Jewellers in New Bond Street, Mayfair, London.

Witnesses say they saw members of the gang hand bags over to a ‘waiting’ policeman on a motorbike.

Police interviewed suspect, Frank Poncherello, who confirmed he hadn’t seen his partner Jon Baker since 1982, after he walked out over a dispute about squeezing the toothpaste from the middle. The case continues.

Oh bugger!

More ‘crown jewels’ were lost when surgeon Dr. Suliem Al Hourain removed the wrong testicle from a patient in Fairfield Hospital, Bury, Lancs.

Miss Sarah Pritchfield from the General Medical Council said staff members reported him to have a ‘surprised look’ as he stood holding the severed gonad in his hand, she said, “The staff’s impression was that he had done it by accident when he said, ‘Oh bugger’”.

Dr. Suliem has since returned to practise at the University of Jordan where snipped mistakes are limited.

Same again?

Alan Derrick lived with his dead pal for ten years before the local council in Bedminster, Bristol thought something was a-foot. In fact the whole body was still attached to the foot and not breathing one iota.

Derrick was afraid authorities would evict him for taking in an illegal tenant and would stop his benefits, so he didn’t tell them.

Police said the pair would routinely go to the pub in the morning and retire for an afternoon nap before returning to the pub again in the evening. Superintendent David Panicci-Brown said, “One day before going to the pub, Derrick shook Mr. Pring, he got no response and went to the pub as usual, returned home and realising he was dead tipped the sofa on its side.” – Where Mr. Pring’s skeleton lay in its clothes ever since. It is believed he died of natural boozy causes.

Had he lasted a little longer he could have reaped the benefits of the ‘Greaseless Spoon’, a café in West London that knocks out a full English breakfast containing 70% less fat.

Thanks to Nutricious and Delicious’ range of fryers the breakfast contains only 500 calories as opposed 864. Of course there is an even newer invention, called grilling!

Let’s look at animals

Reece McLaughlan was chased up a tree by a crocodile in Queensland this week, which is what fool calls a peril, And nearly as perilous as the wrath of a nanny state such as South Carolina, where a man in a motel room asked the neighbours to be quiet several times, to no avail.

Fed up, he turned up at their door with a 4ft python, where upon the occupant said ‘you can’t get round me like that.’ In court the defendant confided, “I just don’t do snakes. I’m scared to death of them.” – The snake man was charged with assault and battery.

Meanwhile an octopus is on the run after stealing a man’s camera whilst diving in New Zealand. Diver Victor Huang from San Fransisco chased the octopus for five minutes before finally catching up with the thief who proceeded to eat the evidence. Police said they have interned the suspect but it is unlikely he’ll end up on squid row – whap, whap, whap, whoa!

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Ginger baker was born in Lewisham, South London and his real name isn’t Ginger – fact”

As a result of Sarah Cohill’s persistent migraines the lass from Devon now speaks with a Chinese accent. Foreign Accent Syndrome is usually associated with strokes and brain trauma; however, the sporadic blood vessel explosions found common in migraines are enough to alter the brain.

Sarah said it was funny at first but is now just frustrating, especially being a driving instructor – ‘turn reft, turn light!

There has only been 60 confirmed cases since it was discovered in the 40’s, one was a Caribbean lady who woke up speaking only in drum beats – can you imagine the repercussions.

Drum speak:

Most famous people from Birmingham list: I’ll kick us off: Jaspar Carrot, Ozzy Ozbourne, Neville Chamberlain, John Cadbury, Tony Hancock

Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in Vietnam email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn for a full listing

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary: 404; Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web message’404 Not Found’ meaning the requested document could not be loaded.

I feel the need for speed

As the fog clears across Europe the sneaky bastards in Britain’s government are testing a speed camera called the Speedspike, which can follow cars for miles, due to a GPS that locks onto the plates.

In their first arrest police caught Paul Hutton, drunk in charge of a 4ft by 2ft Barbie toy car with a top speed of 4mph. Magistrates at Jaywick in Clacton-On-Sea banned him from driving for 3 years. Electrical engineer Paul said, “I put bigger wheels on it and could not resist the temptation to take it out. I was a twit.”

Avoiding reckless driving on account of being dead was a 22 year man from Australia who rode a wheelie bin for 300 yards down a steep hill before crashing into a tree. Police inspector Bruce Coats reminded us all, “Obviously riding rubbish bins down a public street is not something you should be doing.”

What about this?

Mr. Wythe from Penzance, Cornwall thought he’d hurry along his bonfire that wouldn’t take by throwing petrol on it. It went up in a whoosh, but alas so did he. His son Nicholas, 15, luckily came to the rescue and put him out by shaking and squirting a 2litre bottle of coke over him.

The dad suffered severe burns but is alive, thanks to his son’s quick thinking. Pepsi are claiming Coke stole their Michael Jackson video and Fireman at the scene Keith Stringer told us, “Don’t use petrol on bonfires and be careful.” – Sound advise.

www.cfnr.co.uk

Lest we forget

Ok, let’s leave you this week with a remembrance to those we should never forget: Richard Dibbon has been looking for his great, great uncle who died in WWI. Finally after years of research archaeologists found him and identified 75 others in a field in Fromelles, northern France.

Private Dibben immigrated to Australia from Dorset in 1912 and was part of an attack to steer the Germans attentions away from the Somme in 1916. The dead were buried in a mass grave by the Germans and their ID tags sent home.

19^th July is the Battle of Fromelles. 23^rd April is St. Georges Day and 25^th April is ANZACS Day – as Richard said, “It’s all rather poignant.”

If that wasn’t enough, cinema advertising moguls Pearl & Dean has been sold for a £1. -SRB, a sausage in a roll in a box for me.

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

And now this:

Play of the Day by Jimmy Hill

It is Him

The scene: fool and Jimi escape the evil clutches of the mice disguised as cats and retreat to the seclusion of Jimi’s press filled room in Switzerland’s bunker, it’s a big bunker, later named after a Roman Emperor who built a wall to keep the French out and the holes in.

Daily Swizz: Jimi, am I right in saying this is your lair?

Jimi: In the white room with black curtains near the station

Weekly Swizz: If not a lair it is rather a laconic spot, no?

Jimi: Black roof country, no gold pavements, tired starlings

Colour Supplement: These melancholic images surely must reflect a distant colourful background; are these your inner thoughts?

Jimi: Silver horses rundown moonbeams in your dark eyes

Bra & Panties bi-weekly?: This is a Cream song isn’t it Jimi!

Jimi: Out, out, von ladel crappensall, (he cries in a Swiss accent) out I say. fool…bring me some cheese and mein funny shoes, I need my funny shoes. Yikesn cripenensenz, it’s only half past 2010. Read me a story fool

Narrator: And so the press left and Jimi rested. While he sleeps let’s have the quiz:

1. Who said, ‘If I’m free, it’s because I’m always running’?

2. What is the name for a German from Hamburg?

3. The perambulator was an early type of what?

4. Which Queen’s head was on the first postage stamp?

5. Which word for a dissolving substance also means financially in the black?

6. How many angles do 12 separate triangles contain in total?

7. ‘The Garden of the Gods’ is in which American state?

8. What would the word ‘chiaroscuro’ be used to describe? A) A charred pizza B) A painting with light and dark areas C) A narrow medieval street

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

cf’s Quiz Night at… in 2010!

WHO AM I? – 2010 – Rod Stewart – NO. Bram Stoker – NO. Paul Simon – NO. Dame Ednar – NO – Joe Dallesandro – NO Dwight Frye - NO. Recaparooney (That isn’t a clue) - YES, “I sang a song about that mariner looking for water.” – and we all know I completely forgot who ‘I’ was meant to be there, so let’s start a new one eh! “I was the best Dracula’s keeper.” And No.2, “I didn’t have to roll up my trouser leg to get the part.” As the stumping continues will progress to round three, “Such a cunning fox, I was in fact a rat.” “In The fool of the Roam Empire, this was me. This picture maybe a clue!”

Is it me?

Send in answers to: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Welcome to the 2010 scoreboard; week 18 bonus points tally in brackets for the first answer in. (For all previous answers to the main quiz see: *comps and results page in the categories.)

With all the ones and the brackets:

The Slackers, pardon I, The Regulars

Dracule:

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure:

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1, (1, 1, 1, 1)

Casualty:

Aye:

Others: flip-all

Let’s move on shall we:

Quote(s) for the week:

I had a job selling hearing aids door to door. It wasn’t easy, because your best prospects never answered

Bob Monkhouse

*Non-descript trivia moment*

FIREWORK CATEGORIES

Category 3 Display fireworks. A minimum of 25 metres clearance for spectators

fool’s Gold

The first name of TV detective Lietenant Columbo was Philip

A 200-year-old piece of Tibetan cheese was auctioned off for $1.513 in 1993

The leech has 32 brains

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one

every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their restaurants in Saigon, Vietnam

www.alfrescosgroup.com

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

The word is we have no word, but we do have this from the Doc…

"Bob's your Uncle"... Popular etymology says that it derives from a particular act of nepotism in the British government. Robert, Lord Salisbury, the prime minister appointed Arthur Balfour, his nephew to the post of Secretary for Ireland in 1887. Balfour was, at the time, considered young and a political lightweight, and the post was a high-profile, political plum currently embroiled in the question of Irish independence. Unfortunately for this great story, there is no evidence to link this act with the origin of the phrase.

Letters:

Today’s letter is, V.

www.cfnr.co.uk

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Cutting down – The problem with age is that it’s relentless and strapped to its ever wilting undercarriage lies the inevitable sensible shoed phrase of ‘cutting down’.

From ciggies, booze, cheese, trees, whale meat and asbestos we are forever being told to take it easy, settle into your age and sit back and smell the lavender.

But let me tell you this; when we cut the cord to banter’s essentials, we lay ourselves open, vunerable, focussed only to life’s realities and therefore… oh is that the time. I must really turn it in. I’ve got palates at 7 in the morning and then I’m off shopping for some liquid soap. In the meantime, take up your belligerent torque of twisted torments from this week and to bed with a defiant stab at sleeping – nyeer, they won’t catch me with my eyes closed. Cutting down - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Swimming underwater

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; normal service will resume soon

*Trigger: with his brother

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Snoop Dig

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Randall, Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Some more letters from Viz…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…up, up and away…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity