15th - 21st October 2010 volume 402
October, 20th 2010 21:01 PM

“Well I heard it on the radio

And I saw it on the television”

(Yothu Yindi)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

 

 

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 21.10.10                                           

For 1st (UK) Armoured Division Headquarters & Signal Regiment

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

 

We anchor in dope

Popular Finnish TV newsreader Kimmo Wilska was sacked this week for drinking beer live on air.

 

During an item focussing on new licensing laws the well known anchor-man guzzled from a bottle as a joke intended for the crew only but didn’t realise the cameras had panned back to him.

 

The gravel voiced, bearded house wife’s favourite hastily hid the bottle under his desk, spilling the golden froth down his suit.

 

44,000 fans on facebook immediately asked for his re-establishment as breaking news broke outlined the decriminalisation of cannabis.

 

 

 

Do you want fries with that?

A three course meal in chewing gum is on its way according to British boff Dave Hart based at the Institute for Food Research in Norwich.

 

Dave sent off his written theory how nanoparticles could release flavour as part of the National Science and Engineering Competition.

 

In conjunction, scientists at Harvard University have been working tirelessly on nanostructures called colloidosomes, which capture and release ingredients and now confirm Dave has indeed hit the spot.

 

Tony Dinsmore, head of the American team said, “The tomato soup flavour would break on contact with saliva, followed by roast beef and blueberry pie, a stronger structure providing a sequential taste explosion as you chew harder.”

 

Kimmo Wilska asked if any sticks come in mixed munchie chocolate sensation flavour.

 

 

Would you like a seven year itch with that!

McDonalds have improved their ingredients for ‘love burgers’ and now cater for weddings. At a ‘McWedding’ in Hong Kong you can knock one out for £250!

 

Guests tuck into a buffet of burgers and the happy couple cut a cake built of apple pies. The no alcohol policy means all the family can have fun.

 

McBath – the Scottish king marries

 

Mice under your mattress?

Kristina Svechinskaya is the world’s sexiest computer hacker. In a bust of 37 East European suspects the 22 year-old Russian beauty was linked to a £22million global scam.

 

Hoisting cash online from bank accounts all over Britain and the US, scammers use “Zeus Trojan’ to steal account numbers, passwords and personal details, the cyber mules are then paid 10% of their haul.

 

A spokesman from the US arresting officers cited the new wave digital crime that needs no sawn off shotguns, no masks and no getaway cars; “It requires only the internet ingenuity and can be accomplished in the blink of an eye with just the click of a mouse.”

 

If you need more information on how to protect your savings contact the following address with a £10.00 deposit to: foolspace, Scamalot House, Outhere, London SE3 (say you know Dave, schtum)

 

The Russian Minx at work

 

Something for the weekend?

Topless hairdressing has hit Australia; ‘Hot Cuts’ is Polish born Wijtek Wasilewski’s brainwave. He spent 18 months finding the right girls and the 26 year-old said, “I wanted to make the salon like a Gentlemen’s Club.”

 

 

 

 “Business is booming. The phone has been ringing off the hook.”  - I’m sorry, I believe he left out an ‘er’ suffix.

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Hair is a filamentous biomaterial that grows from follicles grown in the dermis according to Wiki’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said:

‘Where’s the latest show you’ve been promising?’ – Bob – Nevada

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘My mate is in love two school bags – he’s bi-satchel’

 

 

 

The Boat Lagoon Marina, Thepkrassatri Road, Phuket

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re looking for Brummies finest it’s gone to the trivia page – Play of the Day etc – it was getting a bit crowded here…more added this week!

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*German firm Milchkristalle are producing ‘night milk’ which contains the ‘sleeping hormone’ melatonin to aid sleeping. The cows are milked between 2 and 4a.m. to optimise its brew. If I’m not mistaken can’t you just heat up the milk like we did when we were kids!

 

*Brit Jeremy Wade spent 8 days by a river bank in Africa’s River Congo and caught a 100;b goliath tigerfish. The beast has 32 teeth the size of a Great White’s and eats crocs and humans.

 

*The longest cat is called Stewie, is a Maine Coon and measures 48.5inches

 

 

Number crunching

 

*The world’s fastest mobility scooter is 69mph/ the world’s biggest skateboard is 36ft 7” and the world’s biggest enchilada is 230ft - Made in Iztapalapa, the mayor said it will be a huge tourist attraction. They’ve already tried the most people dancing to Michael Jackson’s Thriller and the most people kissing simultaneously. The fun never stops in Iztapalapa

*Okinawa boasts the world’s longest, heaviest and the most contestants for a tug of war. The 43-tonne, 650ft beast is made of rice straw and has smaller ropes attached for 200 competitors. In a tradition dating back to the 17th century, the tug starts after a giant golden ball explodes confetti over the crowd’s heads. – Kimmo Wilska is looking for his fourth straight win

*Spud consumption in the UK is down a 5th in the last 10 years – that’s 833 million fewer spud based dishes. Pasta and rice are tickling the young guns’ palates these days, as people over 45 are eating more spuds than they did five years ago.

*Super mum Barbara broke 50million to 1 odds by having her third baby, Ceorra Nicole on 10.10.10 – her brother Cameron was born on 9.9.09 and sister Chloe 8.8.08. Barbara from Rockford Michigan said 11.11.11 was not on the cards, as three are enough – what a bitch!

*Two monks from Southern China are on a 500 mile Pilgrimage to the temple of the goddess of Mercy in Guanjin East China on their knees. But no fear, every third step they will stop and bow as a sign of respect to the goddess.

*Brits have smashed the world’s hottest chilli record for the third time this year with the Nagar Viper knocking 1,349,000 on the now infamous Scoville Scale. The beast is a mixture of the Bhut Jolokia, Naga Morich and Trinidad Scorpian. A spokesman at Cumbria’s Chilli Pepper Company said, “It’s hot enough to strip paint.”

That’ll do Pig

Keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – this week for sure!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 

 

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