15th - 21st April 2011 volume 428
April, 20th 2011 18:39 PM

“Who are you”

(The Who)


 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 21.4.11                                           

For Elements of 9 Regiment; Army Air Corps

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Jelly Bean King

Kate Middleton’s face has been slapped on celebration tea mugs, burnt on toast, thrown on decorative pizzas and in Wiltshire a freshly cut log – pardon I, that was Jesus.

 

Nevertheless, the boat race of the world’s soon to be newest princess has recently been spied on a jelly bean.

 

Wesley Horne spotted the likeness and immediately downed tools and put it up for auction on eBay starting at £500. Richard Cullen from the Jelly Bean Factory confirmed the similarities as, ‘unbelievable’.

 

‘All of our beans are hand made and this looks like one of our red speckled mango beans, the natural speckles are unique to each and every jelly bean due to the hand made process.’ - Said the bean-aficionado.

 

Ex tennis player and formidable lesbian Billy Jean King had nothing to do with this story but did praise fellow dyslexic George Michael’s wedding gift of his song to William and Kate, entitled My Fist Love, as an act selfless gratification and a sweet gesture.

The traffic lights turn, uh, blue tomorrow

The green in a set of traffic lights in Nimwegen, Holland have turned ‘blue’, by hackers who broke into the system and displayed an image of a couple having sex.

 

Transport officials are baffled by the infiltration and disgruntled at the outcome saying, ‘People kept pressing the button to see the couple having sex and of course every time they did the traffic had to stop suddenly. We had quite a lot of rear end shunts from drivers who were too distracted.’

And the wind cries, Mary

 

Tongue tied

The only two people who speak the dying language of Ayapaneco refuse to talk to each other.

 

Manual Segovia 75 and Isidro Velázquez 69 live 500 metres apart in the same village of Ayapa in Mexico, but don’t talk – not because of an argument, as Isidro says, but because, ‘we don’t have a lot in common’.

 

Daniel Susluek from the Indiana University is a linguistic anthropologist and is in the process of binding a dictionary of the forgotten language. Isidro told him when he was a boy every body spoke it and his wife and son can understand it but only speak a few words, yet has to conceive ‘It’s disappeared little by little, and now I suppose it might die with me.’

 

Daniel said Isidro and Manuel were cantankerous old bastards who have fucked up his life time work.

Sometimes you can say too much

A funeral parlour in County Durham UK has apologised for advertising the TV show ‘Walking Dead’ on a billboard on the side of their building.

 

Finger licking good

A man in New Zealand cut off and ate his little finger, with some vegetables on the side, because he was depressed.

 

Thought to be the first case of self-cannibalism in New Zealand the Australasian Psychiatry journal outlined how he intended to eat a couple of fingers the next day until he realised he might just be a little bit mental.

 

You’ve been served

Trevor Bannister died this week – alias Mr Lucas in Are You Being Served; he was 76.

 

Mr Lucas was a lady’s man in the comedy series and hankered after the busty Miss Brahms. However, Trevor also starred in Z-Cars, Dixon of Dock Green, The Avengers and Last of the Summer Wine, but was probably best remembered as Roger Bannister’s grandson in the Young Ones in that episode where they have to clean the house before the party!

 

The only two survivors of Are You Being Served are Frank Thornton who played Mr Peacock aged 90 and Nicholas Smith who was Mr Rumbold aged 77.

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Just as the above picture was hastily hung together on a distant tenuous whim, so too is today’s middle song from Anthea and Donna grappled with a link so thread bare it can only prove that fool is actually on holiday this week, thus neither he nor Grace Bro’s can deliver the kind of style as befits YOUR custom.’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Great Kitchen the other day fool – can I belatedly help you clear up!’ - Larry

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘She was bowlegged, he was knock-kneed – when they stood together they spelled OX!’

 

And now folks…

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

 

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

 

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

*Shepherd John Herd has dyed his 250 blackfaced ewes orange to stop folk nicking ‘em. 200 have gone missing in the past 2 years and at £140 a pop he had enough of the wool being pulled over his eyes.

 

*In a recent survey of some of the strangest things people have tried to carry on airplanes, a dead cow featured highly. Staff at Virgin’s JFK were gob smacked when a couple tried to check in a carcass on their trolley – nearly as much as when confronted with a car engine, a bath, a tarantula and a bag of sand and sea water from a couple who wanted to remember their holiday in Grenada.

 

 

Number crunching

 

*The world’s oldest man died at 114 years old this week – he was 114!

 

*The third annual office chair race took place in Bad Koenig Germany this week with Pierre Feller from Luxemburg taking the honours out of 64 entries in the 600ft hill race in a time of 26.15 seconds.

 

I’m off – come on Pig (his name’s Brutus you know)

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out! … still waiting!!!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and a mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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