Crazy Fool's Newsround - 14th - 20th october 2011 volume 454

14th - 20th october 2011 volume 454
October, 19th 2011 21:05 PM

“Give me one more chance

And you’ll be satisfied”

(U2)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

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Sunday's 11a.m.

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 20.10.11

For Elements of: 28 Squadron, Royal Air Force Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

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Help the aged

A Vietnamese lady has reportedly aged 50 years in just a matter of days.

Nguyen Thi Phuong believes a rare allergy to seafood she ate back in 2008 caused her skin to sag and wrinkle, so much so that the 26 year-old literally looks to be in her 70’s, not a Joan Collins 70 or even Cliff Richard come to that, but more a Sid James bulldog chewing a wasp.

The incredibly rare allergy triggered lipodystrophy which causes fatty tissue beneath the skin to disintegrate and the skin then grows rapidly; that’s one theory, but doctors are not entirely sure and suggest it may even be the steroids used in some alternative medicines which set off her aging process, and if that is the case then it is possible for the whole procedure to be reversed.

Thi, says she is still 26 in her body and menstruates regularly and has no problems with her ears and eyes. Her husband Tuyan 33 still loves her no matter what, which is where this story becomes debatable.

In a stew

Stefan Ramin, a 40 year-old German is believed to have been eaten by cannibals on the South pacific island of Nuku Hiva.

Couple with his girlfriend Heike Dreske the duo embarked on a sailing trip back in 2008 and recently landed on the French Polynesian island 930 miles north east of Tahiti.

Stefan teamed up with a local guide and went on a traditional goat hunt when hours later the guide came rushing back to tell Heike, ‘There has been a terrible accident, he needs help’.

Police on the island with a population of 2,789 have confirmed DNA results from remains left in a camp fire on the beach belonged to Stefan, after bones, jaw, teeth and melted metal believed to have been fillings were found in the ashes.

The last reported case of cannibalism on the island was over twenty years ago. And back in 1842 US novelist Herman Melville, who wrote Moby Dick said he made a hasty retreat from the island when he suspected the natives of fattening him up for a feast.

New evidence

Apparently eating people is about as rare as stamp collecting these days, whilst members of the once popular Kidstamp has declined to just over 1000, whereas 100,000 were on the books in the ‘90’s.

Renowned philatelists in the past have been King Gorge V, Franklyn D. Roosevelt, John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Ronnie Wood, Nicolas Sarkozy and Maria Sharapove and of course my brother.

Mrs Grieve from the Stamps in Schools programme said, ‘If only Victoria and David Beckham would come out and say they collect stamps. You don’t discover about people like John Lennon and Freddie Mercury being collectors until they’re dead.’

And to add controversy to art, a new book has lent the claim that Hitler didn’t shoot himself in a Berlin bunker but escaped with Eva Braun to Argentina where he died in 1962.

No forensic evidence backs up his death whilst eyewitness accounts in Argentina are compelling. Grey Wolf: The Escape of Adolf Hitler also claims Allied forces aided his escape in exchange for Nazi war technology.

Meanwhile another book states Vincent van Gough didn’t commit suicide but was accidentally shot by a 16 year-old Wild West enthusiast in a wheat field in Auvers France in 1890. – Argh, the mind googles!

(sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Controversy it seems stems from the evolution of boredom where the notion of clarity deliberates form from the debatable pendulum of historical dissention. Was Van Gough pushed or did he jump? Did John Lennon own the first Penny Black stamp and was Freddie Mercury the instigator of Arnie’s Terminator where upon he moulded himself into the psyche of the common folks appreciation by being rock n roll’s true alchemist by binding together the elaborate echelons of variable music to appease the throws of contemporary classics into theatrical offerings that bore a tuneful fruit which the world adored? I’m not sure, because I don’t even know what it means, but bearing gifts of disputation in bundles of anarchy were the Sex Pistols, who may have been the first band to publicly swear on TV and get away with it, which why Sid, on his deathbed slipped a sly note to Kenny Everet urging him to carry on the mantle of controversy with his Sid Snot character, which in turn made its way via Malcolm MaClaren’s, Sid’s manager at the time, yielding the overtone of anger to be billed as an energy therefore letting the road rise with him, or at least his pal Johnny Rotten aka Lydon, which is incidentally the tune he requested for this week’s Get It Off Your Chest Request – Sid; this one is for you… well, it would be had I got it, so we'll reverse to type and play a little bit of Anarchy in the Uk for you, oh, no, hang, that's just for radio - of course we've got Anger is an Energy... here it is on youtube-vision

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

What they’ve recently said: ‘92.75fm for fool's radio show every Sunday morning - I'm loving it, but don't tell anyone’s’ Adolf Hitler

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I’m on a whiskey diets – last week I lost three days.’

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

There’s always the www.coreyashcroft.co.uk appeal – check it out

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crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

Next event to be posted ASAP… probably Sept

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Animal news

*Doug Niblack surfed on the back of a great white he mistook for a rock off the coast of Oregon. When he realised what it was he exclaimed, ‘I’m just screaming bloody murder. I’m just yelling ‘shark’. I thought for sure I was gone.’ – yes, I know Yanks eh!

*Angler Martin Hodgkinson on the other hand caught his 100^th fish over 100lb’s this week. The 51 year-old spent 5 years joining the 100 club and travelled 100,000 miles spending 30,000 on hotels and fishing trips. His latest catch came with a 200lb Mekong cat fish. Along the way he also snagged a 1000lb saw fish, 450lb grouper and a 400lb lemon shark. Martin a builder is bald with tattoos and earring and also a nipple ring which makes him a bit creepy.

*A 28 year-old Swiss man was given an 8month suspended jail sentence after rodgering his pet Appenzeller dog Blaessli. He wore the dog’s collar to court and referred to the pooch as, ‘my life partner’, which is tosh, because he also admitted to adultery with two other dogs. More disturbing however, is that in a country with 8million - 275,000 people have been convicted of having sex with animals.

*Jonathan McGowan doesn’t have sex with animals, he eats road kill and has lived off that diet for 30 years. The 44 year-old from Dorset started with an adder in butter when he was 14 and hasn’t looked back; ‘I used to cut up animals to see their insides,’ he said, ‘and when I did, all I could see was fresh, organic meat, better than the kind I had seen in supermarkets, so I never saw the problem with cooking and eating it. His favourites are pan-fried crane flies, owl curries and rat stir fry’s.

Number crunching

*Doug Stevens unearthed a 63.96 kg beetroot this week, but that’s not the world’s biggest – that goes to Dutchman Piet de Goode Hall back in 2005 at a whopping 71.05 kg’s.

*Following 10 years of surgery Herbert Chavez from the Philippines is one step closer to looking like his hero Superman. The 35 year-old has had his nose, cheeks, lips and chin done, his thighs enlarged and injected himself daily to give white skin. His next step is metal in his legs to make him taller and he is going to carve out a new stomach.

*Thorntons have celebrated 100 years in the business by making a 6 tonne lump of chocolate. The 4x4m bar weighs 5,792.5kg’s.

*Artist Andy Goulab 45, has spent three years painting nudes in Times Square NY, but no more. A law prohibits nudity in the name of art, but its ok after dark; he can paint bare breasts anytime but during daylight hours, but a g-string must be worn – I’m not sure, is that him or the models!

*71 year-old Peter Dowdeswell from Northampton UK, is to retire after hurting his back attempting to down a pint in world record time when the two people holding his legs dropped him – twice! The man already holds a plethora of records ranging from downing a pint of Champagne in 3 seconds and his most recent feat of eating 12 sausages in 10 seconds whilst lying on a bed of nails, which was perched on his mate’s head. The man in the business for 40 years has raised 4.5m for disabled children with stunts such as 1kg of haggis in 10 seconds, 24 pickled eggs in the same time and guzzling 34 pints in an hour!

*Sonia Yan is 10 years old and can speak 10 languages – fact.

*Ok, I’m just about done here, but I can tell you the Hong Kong Victoria harbour swim is back on after an absence of 33 years. 1000 swimmers took the mile plunge from Lei Yue Man in Kowloon to Quarry Bay, a tradition that started back in 1906, but was banned in 1978 due to pollution – now it seems no one cares.

*And lastly radio evangelist Harold Camping who predicted the world would end five months ago admitted he got it wrong and those who chose to be saved by God on 21^st may were up for redemption; now he insists the world will cease on Friday 21^st October - but is refusing to spend the millions on publicising the fact as he did last time.

I’m off – come on Brutus

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

Just cf it

p.s. if you’re having trouble reading this because you are blind, why not try cf’s audio version of crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page