14th - 20th January 2011 volume 415
January, 19th 2011 21:32 PM

“Early one morning the sun was shining

I was laying in bed”

(Bob Dylan)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 20.1.11                                           

For 3rd Battalion Royal Anglian Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

Tangled up in Blues

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is under official investigation following allegations he paid a hooker for sex.

 

The leader of the People of Freedom (PoF) political movement, a centre-right organisation that solicits a constitution through deliverance of liberation is being scrutinised for his role in aiding and abetting prostitution.

 

The recipient in question is Moroccan belly dancer Karima El Mahroug, now 18 and goes under the pseudo name of Ruby Heartstealer  was just 17 at the time and visited his villa near Milan to enjoy a sex game called ‘bunga bunga’.

 

After being arrested on suspicion of theft by diligent opposition leaders she denied sex was the result of her lavish gifts that included cash, a diamond necklace and a car.

 

In a blind panic to avert diplomatic embarrassment, Silvio 74 told police she was the granddaughter of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak. However, a quick Wikipedia check found no one by the name of Ruby in his family tree.

 

A fervent member of the PoF, Karima stuck by her true-blue leader saying, “I was upset as he was the first man in my life who had not wanted to take me to bed. He was like a father. I swear.”

 

Silvio’s only comment was, ‘It’s absurd’ – well, at that age you’re bound to forget some of the rules of ‘bunga bunga’

 

 

 

Bra-ssed off

German bosses have been given a dressing-down by the country’s media for a court ruling on what colour bras women can wear to work.

 

By decree of government officialdom in the North Rhine of Westphalia bra colouring should be white or flesh.

 

The draconian dress codes were first tailored for the grooming habits  of airport security staff, but have now been spread across the whole work force of the economically most powerful of German states.

 

Finger nail length must also been doctrined by superiors and certain shades of polish (short vowel sound) are also off limits.

 

However, not all is lost, as it is permitted to go bra-less if an under-shirt is worn.

 

Incidentally the cheapest place to buy a set of knickers and a bra in the UK is Coventry at £5.20. That goes up to £11.50 in Swansea riding in 10th place.

 

 

Bottoms up

A new beer machine that fills up from the bottom is thought to be the quickest pint pourer in the world.

 

From the company GrinOn the Bottoms Up Draft Beer Dispenser is far too poncy to say so just ask for a pint from the one with the magnets that pours from underneath then plugs itself.

 

Alternatively go to Alice Springs, Australia where burglars will come to your house cook a meal and drink all your grog, as is the case following a spate of booze bandit’s actions in frustration over the regions alcohol restrictions.

 

One resident who recently had his sparkling wine polished off, which had been a wedding gift and then all his Southern Comfort has just about had enough;

 

“We’re bailing out of this shithole, we’ve had enough. There was a point when I just loved this joint. The last one out, don’t forget to turn out the lights – you can’t really print what is my opinion.”

 

So we won’t.

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Beer was first drank at a rock concert in Egypt in 9500BC – fact’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!) - green onions go with beer!

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘When’s the next gig?’ Larry

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balance on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.’

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 Next instalment on Saturday 5th Feb

 

Screaming Hypocrites

Some dude on guitar and his chick singing

Tap Egavas

 

 

www.100friends.org

 

Plus Sa’s infamous massaman

PCF Race Day – 23rd January

 

 

http://www.phuketcharity.org/pcf-race-day/

 

http://www.phuketcharity.org/duck/

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

 

*A stray cat at Manchester airport gets postcards from a mystery sender. Addressed to ‘Ginger cat’ the last one wished her a merry Christmas from Egypt saying, ‘Just been visiting your relatives here in Egypt. The weather is lovely and sunny. I’m sure you wish you were here! Hope you stay warm in all the snow.’

 

*It is legal to ride a horse whilst drunk in Montana. Lawyers had to go through the handbook of drink driving rulings following an advert where a horse diligently plods through the city streets, obeying the traffic laws, and picks up his ride who stumbles out of a bar, and no where does it state that a horse is constituted as a vehicle.

 

Number crunching

 

*Boffins are rebuilding Britain’s 1949 computer at a cost of £250k to be shown in Bletchley Park Museum. The Electronic Delay Storage Automatic Calculator stands at 6ft 6” and is 50,000 times slower than our modern PC’s. It can handle 650 commands a second compared to 30 million in today’s world, yet in its prime it was 15000 times faster than a desktop calculator. It covers an area of 215sqft and uses 3,000 valves. - Got one in the shed.

 

*The world’s heaviest limo is the Midnight Rider at 22 tonnes. It can carry 40 people and is 21m (70ft) long. Guests can party in 3 lounges, a bathroom, a full size bar and watch its 5 surround sound TV’s and use the laser guided satellite for youtube. At £650 an hour the limo is only legal on US highways.

 

*Beautiful people have higher IQ’s – fact. Men are 13.6 points above average on the brainy stakes, whilst foxy ladies are 11.4. The London School of Economics surveyed 52,000 across the UK and US, but a spokesman was quick to point out, ‘It goes without saying that our contention that beautiful people are more intelligent is purely scientific.’ – So stand easy fatso!

 

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and the mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz
 
 
 

 

Other news