13th - 20th Jan 2012 volume 467
January, 19th 2012 12:25 PM

“Fat bottom girls, they make the rocking world go round”

(Queen)

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – that has lots, lots more!

  

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

 

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 20.1.12  

                                        

For elements of 5001 Squadron, Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

It’s a bum deal

                        A New Zealand woman has put a patch of her bottom for a tattoo up for sale in an internet auction.

Tina Beznec, 23, placed an ad on the Trade Me website under the title 'YOUR Tattoo on my Bum!!' which offers a 9cm by 9cm square of flesh.

The highest bidder can have anything they like inked on the spot and will receive a framed photo of the finished work. They can even go to the tattoo parlour to watch it being done.

Tina, of Lower Hutt, admitted in her ad that people may think she was 'crazy', but insisted she needed the money.

'Ok so 20% of the auction winnings will go to a Charity of your choice and the rest will go to me, I deserve it, I have been made redundant TWICE over the past year,' she said.

Tina also had some suggestions for what the winning bidder could choose to tattoo on her backside, including a business promotion or marriage proposal.

She has considered she may end up with a tattoo she doesn't like, but said: 'I feel very confident that they aren't going to do anything racist, I don't care if it's a swear word or something like that.'

The bum-bidding held a reserve price of NZ$10,000 so let’s hope the masterpiece fill the page or she’ll be forever asking, ‘does my bum look big in this?’

 

. A monkey on your back?

                        PROUD Brit Richard Ashton has his passport tattooed on his back, and has even used it as ID to withdraw cash from a bank.

Richard, 27, who had the tat of his old passport done while backpacking in Australia in March 2006, said: "I wanted something to remember my holiday by, but also wanted something patriotic.

"My girlfriend at the time thought I was a bit daft, but eventually she found it hilarious. That seems to be the general reaction."

Richard, a personal trainer from Wandsworth, South West London, ran out of cash on his Oz trip. So he whipped his top off in a bank branch and used the tattoo as ID.

He said: "The cashier gave me a strange look. She typed in my name and details after reading my tattoo and allowed me $50."

But in London, Richard — who was born in Sydney and has dual British—Oz nationality — keeps his tattoo covered up. He said: "I don't walk around with my top off." I’m sure Tina is the same.

Passport officials said he couldn't use his tattoo to go abroad or enter the UK – probably because it’s his old one – needs to get it electronic – good way to meet people though, especially if you’re shy, although if you’re shy, would taking your top off the first thing you’d do because you were too shy to talk? I don’t know!

A real bank job

Frank Coleman robbed a bank in Cincinnati at 2p.m. then 30 minutes later dialed 911 to hand himself in.

After telling the teller to put all the money in the bag, she replied, saying, ‘there are no bags’, he eventually pulled out a plastic bag from his pocket.

Frank fled with $2000 and took a taxi to a nearby shopping mall where he got bored turned himself in.

Police say no weapon was used but tasered him then beat him up in the back of a squad car just to be safe. Talk to the teller perhaps!

 

(sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘riding pillion in pantaloons may have been all the rage in the 18th century, but not the prerequisite for the modern day passenger on the back of a pushy, nor any other pre-ordained vehicle for that matter as they push and pull for the purpose of pleasure, propelled in plausible pursuit punctuated by the proposition of prosperity in all its promising prolusions to predestination, as Iggy Pop found out when thumbing a lift on the highway to self harm back in 1977, but at least he got a song out of it, as so he told me over a bowl of Juice’s finest eggs in a clay pot whilst pencilling a mental tattoo on his brain to make the point that pith and poppycock should be recorded for all it’s pomp and circumstance and he knew of just the place to pen his next magnum opus, which will be Legend recording Studio in Phuket –and so for you Pappa Pop we bow to your Get It Off Your Chest…

 

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name,  its P something T something R.

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 


crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

 

 


www.highstylecondominium.com

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news


 

 

*A woman who treats her pet kangaroo like a child has been forced to move town because she is terrified authorities may take her beloved companion away.

Christie Carr dresses Irwin the great red kangaroo in nappies and children's clothes and even has a special car seat for him.

The 39-year-old from Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, nursed the partially paralsyed marsupial back to heath after he fractured his neck and suffered brain damage in an accident as a joey.

Carr offered to take Irwin home after meeting him while volunteering at a local animal sanctuary and now the companions share a bed at night.

'He's always stealing my pillow,' she said.

Last year, Broken Arrow's city council introduced a permit which required exotic animal owners to have a $50,000 liability insurance policy to cover any injuries inflicted by the animal.

Devastated that she couldn't afford the insurance policy - which was paid for by an anonymous donor last year - Christie decided to take the kangaroo to her parents' house.

Native to Australia, healthy male great red kangaroos can grow up to two metres tall, weigh more than 90kg (200lbs) and hop over seven metres in a single leap.

However, vets have said Irwin - who cannot stand or walk on his own, although he can hop with assistance - would probably not grow larger than 22.5kg (50lbs) because of his injuries and because he has been neutered, which no doubt is even better news for ChristieClick here for more

*Boffs have discovered the world's smallest frog — which is just half the size of a 1p coin or say a dime, perhaps a cent, either way it’s small; just 7.7mm in fact.

The paedophryne amauensis — now classed as the smallest vertebrate — was found on the rainforest floor of Papua New Guinea.

Previously, the smallest vertebrate was believed to be a transparent Indonesian fish known as paedocypris progenetica, which averaged 8mm.

Louisiana State University scientist Chris Austin, who made the discoveries, said: "It was particularly difficult to locate paedophryne amauensis due to its diminutive size and the males' high-pitched insect-like mating call.

*A mouse that was taped to a firework rocket during Dutch New Year festivities and later died of its burn injuries is to be exhibited in a museum.

The rodent, named Astromuis – Astro mous – by the Dutch media, has been stuffed and mounted in a "triumphant position" surrounded by firework rockets on a display that opened to the public on Thursday.

Two 20-year-old men from the Frisian village of Drachten were arrested for maltreating the mouse in a country that takes animal cruelty so seriously it has 500-strong police unit dedicated to stamping it out.

Astromuis was rescued by police with burns to his stomach and paws but died last Friday. The mouse is not the first victim of cruelty to animals to be preserved for posterity in Friesland's Natuurmuseum.

Also displayed is Dominomus, a stuffed sparrow which was shot in 2005 after it flew into an exhibition centre where 18 million dominoes were precariously balanced ready to be toppled for a world record attempt.

The bird had knocked over 23,000 dominoes before it was killed to become an animal cruelty cause célèbre in Holland and has two popular songs and a website dedicated to its memory.

Another sparrow on display, Tennisbalmus, was killed by a tennis ball during a high-speed power serve in 1996.

Christiaan Walen, the museum's taxidermist, said that the Astomuis exhibit would help prevent future cruelty to animals.

"The story behind the mouse can help schoolchildren and other people learn respect for nature and everything that grows and thrives," he said.

* Smallest working dog in the world? Lucy, a two and half pound Yorkshire terrier standing at just 5.7inches tall – she’s a therapy dog who works with the elderly and disabled in New Jersey.

 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching


 

*THE family of a grandad who loved gambling paid tribute to him by placing bets on the day of his funeral — and they all WON.

Leonard Collacott, 83, made daily trips to his local bookies for a flutter on the horses until his death last month.

So five of his closest family members bet on horses on his burial day — including a 25-1 outsider called Divine Rule — and they all came in, netting them £400.

The family spent their winnings on champagne to toast Leonard's life with his widow Dorothy, 82

*Frustrated driver Patrick McCrystal was given a £70 ticket after double yellow lines were painted underneath his parked Ford Fiesta.

Mr McCrystal, from Derby, was further angered when he spotted flecks of yellow paint on his front bumper.

The 49-year-old petrol station worker - who regularly parked between the gap in the lines - said yesterday: 'I couldn’t believe my eyes. They had extended the existing set of lines underneath my car, then a warden had slapped a ticket on it.

'When I parked there were double yellows in front of my car, double yellows behind my car, but nothing in between.

'It has been my regular spot for two years and there was nothing to indicate I couldn’t park there.'

Although fine has since been rescinded, Derby City Council admitted the ticket was issued in error.

David Gartside, the council’s head of traffic and transport, said: 'It appears that there was a communication breakdown between our contractors undertaking the lining work and our enforcement officers.

'We apologise for any inconvenience.'

 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

 

 


 

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