September, 09th 2009 17:35 PM
‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in
crazy fool’s newsround
in that order
(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)
Plus the radio show – with a new look!
That was the week weren’t it;
The scene: crazy fool’s Eight-piece Quartet are playing “Nobody Does It Better” by Carly Simon in Saigon’s Working Man’s Club, when, and just as the song hits its crescendo… ‘baby you’re the best’ – Octopus, on drums, is struck by a vision…
Octopus: Wo… Dudes…
Narrator: …yes, well, what? What is it for Christ’s sake? Don’t just leave us hanging here. Come back you bastard. Tell us, what? Argggghhhhh. He’s gone under, quick some bring some water, (slaps him in the face), some smelling salts, an axe! (short pause) God I love cheese.
1. Whose vision was made from cheese?
2. What is Blue Vinney?
3. Who was the head of the German SS?
4. What type of food is a bullace?
5. Which Dickens novel is about the French Revolution?
6. What nationality were “All That She Wants” group Ace of Base?
7. What is killed by an analgesic?
8. Which Oscar winning actress is now one of the top archers in the
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com
WHO AM I? – 2009 – No, I’ve got to be honest, this one’s totally stumped me – Clue No.1; “Unlike Roger, mine’s hush hush.” – So let’s go onto a new Clue No.1, unless of course someone gets the old one and they can have it, which quite frankly, they can … new Clue No.1, “Generally a smug looking bastard, but I got the chicks.”
Is it me?
This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.
Scores at the end of week 34 or 35 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.
For those who like one’s:
Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)
Casualty: zip
Aye: 1 (1)
Others: 1
Quote(s) for the week:
When you buy a V neck sweater there’s a V of material missing. You know what they do with that? They send it to Ann Summers and she makes those fancy pants.
Harry Hill
*Non-descript trivia moment*
SOME EGYPTIAN DIETIES
Seth…night, evil, turmoil
Horus…light, all-seeing
Min…fertility
Osiris…life, underworld
Anubis…lost, dead
fool’s Gold
- Billionaire Steve Wynn put his elbow through his £80 million Picasso painting
- Aardvarks are only found in
- “Above Us Only Sky”, from John Lennon’s “Imagine”, can be seen on signs at
Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:
“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”
Ambiguous
Anything that is said to be ambiguous is open to more than one interpretation. Sentences and words that are ambiguous have more than one possible meaning. The Doc particularly likes newspaper headlines that can be ambiguous. Here are a few examples:
"2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER"
"IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS"
"PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER"
Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:
Having a pooh, and just when you think you’ve got it licked …hmmm, probably wrong turn of phrase there, let’s move on. Blisters; on the back of my ankles from new shoes that have carved a whole new impression of my feet – bloody nice feet too… Na, too ‘gay’. How about; putting on your new fangle-dangled rain jacket…in the rain, but you can’t get your arm in the sleeve because it’s inside-out and soddenly stuck together like a stubborn slice of plastic cheese in its wrapper. To top it off the zipper’s got one of those inner flaps that always gets caught and out of utter frustration you end up punching yourself square in the face out in the street – new fangle-dangled rain jackets – Bastards!
Things that are just Sweet Love:
I’ve been trying to avoid it, because I had a similar one a few months back, albeit a different road; this new road is as you go over the new (ish) bridge into Saigon South from turning left on Tran Hung Dao (If you’re reading this in Scunthorpe or say, the Lebanon, please keep up), as you approach the peak of the bridge, glance to the right, hugging the meandering river down below is a road straight out of Monaco’s road-race track, with boot polished black tarmac and fresh white lines that curve to the rivers bend and disappear into, I don’t know… Nice, is it? It then gets better. Further on, over the Bridge, past the roundabout, you enter Torrevieja in
A viewer’s favourite haystacks from
This is another plane:
And now this bit:
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
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Have you had yours today?
GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.
Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras,
Not just a walk in the park
Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in
Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in
Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in
Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in
Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:
*Digger; caught up in traffic this week - sorry
*Trigger: with his bro
*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:
Playing NOW the one with:
Adam and Valerie
Plus all the ‘oldies’: Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!
*Tit-bits – .../…On his first day…/…The day the penis…/…/…/…
*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said
*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’
*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you
v Classifieds
Seriously, anyone selling a rowing machine? – I’m getting there!
*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…are just about ready …’
Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -
*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko & Phatty’s
Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)
Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!
Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity
I’ll need a T-shirt
This bit is the rugby bit:
(See categories for The New
Published 10.9.09
‘Bok to the Slaughter’
I think probably, for the first time ever, someone other than a Jarpie, an ‘Is-it’, a Vaali; nay even an MB was in for supporting the Boks against
No, I haven’t gone mad and suddenly found my Third Reich ancestry, but when a team is bounded around with greatness and unequivocal success you kind of hope they’ll live up to their mantle and wash away any doubts to comparisons of teams gone by.
But nope, the Wallabies had them in their sights and brought down the olde Bok with a collective ‘whup’ in their tails. It was two tries to nil but could have been more…from either side. At an exorbitant pace the game raced through the tension barrier in the style of a Roald Dahl tale of the unexpected – ‘Lamb to the Slaughter’ (Susan George – phwoarr).
The Git and Morning shared a drop goal each early on and Habana had to make a quick sharp try saving tackle on Turner in the corner, dislodging a few ribs too I suspect. Not long after Heinrich was out-manoeuvred by a forward pass as the try line beckoned, whilst centres Fourie and De Villiers had both made telling breaks.
Shortly after the break at 9-6 Du Preez’s experience denied Genia a touch down by ripping the ball from him after a quick tap. Minutes later Jaque Fourie was cover tackling The Git at the other end. But then the defining moment came, the moment when Ashley-Cooper ran a beautiful angle to steal a Barnes flat ball and burst over the line untouched.
South Africa were on a ten point deficit now and with no Habana around to chase the high kicks, they lost some rhythm – he’d nipped off for a piss some time earlier and didn’t come back! It was at this point in the pub a young lady shouted
Elsom got himself around the paddock like a demon and for a big fella that must take some puff. He blocked a kick, which O’Connor picked up and sprinted in the ten yards for the final nail.
It would be a shame not to mention Tatafu Polota’s contribution in his thirty minutes before he went off injured – mostly it was tackling unsuspecting buggers two inches from the ground.
It may not have been South Africa’s finest hour, but let’s not take that away from a good Wallaby win, as Deans said, “It’s better than the alternative without a doubt.”
And just what was wrong with the Boks? John Smit said, “The intensity just wasn’t quite as it should have been; I’m not sure why.” – So perhaps we’ll never know.
Well there you go. The Boks travel to
Guinness Premiership
Jason Robinson’s Sale kicked off this season with a win over last season’s champs Leicester 15-12 / Wasps answered plenty of questions from Harlequins and beat them 26-15 at Twickenham. Prop, George Robson was sent off by ref Dean Richards after 46 seconds for head-butting and Varndell snuck in two tries for his new club. / Brendan Venter’s Sarries beat The Exiles 18-14, with Armitage and Schalk Brits each receiving a yellow early on. / Leeds held
The Top14
Magners League
Some shorts:
Ewen McKenzie and Christophe Dominici have been sacked from Stade Francais. The club has had its worst start for years riding 13th on the table, despite its star studied squad. I blame the pink shirts personally.
The pools have been confirmed for the JWC 2010 and as much as I respect the juniors and heed its necessity; it still has a whiffs of girl sports about it, as in, who cares! But hang on; how’s that thought of whiffing some girl sports!
Rumours are afoot that Chris Jack is heading back to New Zealand from Cape Town’s WP side in order to claim a spot for the World Cup 2011 – why bother – the collar will always be too small!
And
Some competitions now:
WIN a PRIZE!
John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.
If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!
15. Salom's
There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what were the films?
end rugby here!
Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
Owais Shah put pay to Joe Denly’s first couple of ODI’ games against Oz in a red Lions shirt by injuring him in a non-contact warm up game of football; should have worn his pads`.
Owais got his come-uppence in the shape of a tawdry conscience which took a strangle-hold as he scurried between the woods at both the Brit Oval and Lords like a cat on a hot tin roof with a stick of lit TNT strapped to his nut sack.
Levi praised the young lads, but knew the ghost had been long gone; “Luke and Adil batted brilliantly, to give us a sniff but we were always a little far behind.”
At Lord’s; Australia were 179-6 after 43 overs then with the help of Mitchell finished on 249. This was do-able for Levi and The Bop who popped along at 74-0 after 15 overs. However,
Levi said, “
Brett Lee was obviously feeling left out over the summer because he’s still on the ‘aura’ thing, and has been comparing Freddie to Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, also suggesting that England have lost a certain ‘quality’ without him. Brett said, “I know we’ve heard a lot about aura recently but Andrew Flintoff has it. And possibly, when he’s not around, that aura he would bring, is not there.”
Does the Lancaster Bomber give a hoot? I don’t think so. He’s off to
Punts; in the 2013 Ashes in
But back to the third ODI at Southampton’s Rose Bowl, where
In all fairness Levi has stuck by his top six hitters, and reckons they’ll come good. But he didn’t say where Trott was, let alone Adil – the only bloke in form!
Cameron White and Michael Clarke did most of the damage for the Aussies, racking up a healthy 3rd wicket partnership, and White knocked his first ODI ton, although he should have gone on 46 and 92, a run out and dropped catch respectively, but England were in a jolly mood!
Punts is back at the helm on Saturday – back at Lords. Who wants a bet it that it will all go down hill from there?
That’s it for this week
Other sports:
Ricky Hatton has had a waxwork made of him by Louis Toussards in Blackpool England and it is unbelievable – by that I mean bloody good, which is be more that can be said of him – he’s a right little porker these days. He put it down to his addiction of full English breakfasts and pints of Guinness. I know where you’re at Ricky. He also turned on the Christmas illuminations whilst in
Wilfred Daniels has quit as coach to the he-she South African 800m’s athlete as he’s saying she was tricked into having a gender test. He said, “She was asked to go to
And put simply by Felipe Massa in regards to Button; “If he does not cope with the pressure he will not win the championship.” – Thank you Felipe
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
Drop everything, not you Mrs Whittleworth, we’ve seen enough of that thank you. But every body else; vegetables are good for you…dun, dun, dun! Yes, The British Heart Foundation has been hard at work and come up with facts that revolve around the chemical sulferphane, which attacks fatty acids. This is from prof. Peter Weinberg, “This could lead to targeted dietary or medical approaches to prevent or lesson clotting that leads to heart attacks and strokes.” – where’s that time warp again?
You know, these are the same mind blowing break-through ideas that allow Human Rights activists to put a male convicted killer into a women’s prison, because he has boobs. He’s not had the full op yet, but because it’s his right, he’s allowed to mingle in the Ladies Big House.
And while we’re stroking the absurd side of humanity let’s pause for thought (excuse the pun) for Rodney Bewes’ cat ‘Maurice’. Rodney, 70, is an old TV actor and neighbour of Olivia Harrison, 61, widower of George…the Beatle. Since George’s attack, she naturally became a little paranoid and erected a 6 and half foot razor wire fence in her back garden. Yep, it’s costing Rodney thousands of pounds in vet bills to keep getting Maurice stitched up. He says the fence is dangerous. It’s hardly the Berlin Wall, but let’s face it Olivia, no nut is going to come looking for you.
Backing this statistic up is a poll which quizzed women aged 18-50 on contraception, and found some startling misconceptions, such as, using bread, cling-film, eating garlic and chicken skin. Dr Anne Evans from Opinion Health said, “It is not surprising that this survey has uncovered how widespread contraceptive myths still are in this country, giving that Britain contains the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe, with as many as 50% of births being unintended.” – I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight, chicken tonight!
The Staff of Life
Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! Stevie Nick’s is still fervently denying snorting cocaine through her arsehole – fact!
In a hole in Papa
Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “Save the whales. Collect the whole set.”
How’s that; we’ve got George finding us new stuff to eat and people like Flintshire
Huang Xin is a Chinese barber and with the hair left over in his shop he makes replica buildings, such as
16 year-old Scottish girl Jessica Watson was aiming to become the youngest person to sail round the world solo, except on a training run she hit a cargo ship just 15 miles from the starting line. The collision was unavoidable, a bit like the scene in Austin Powers when one of Dr. Evil’s henchmen gets run over by the steam roller. Anyway, bar a broken mast Jessica limped back to
Are you still thinking about the Spotted Dick?
Ok, I’ve had enough, but if you want to know where to look when first meeting a girl –it’s not worth knowing, because men will automatically opt for the boobs. Yep, 47% hit the breasty-dumpling area first then perhaps the hips and thighs leaving only 20% where women want men to look – the eyes. Boffs at New Zealand’s University in
just cf it
cf
Other news
- • 13th - 20th Jan 2012 volume 467 - (January, 19th 2012 12:25 PM)
- • 6th - 12th January 2012 volume 466 - (January, 11th 2012 19:16 PM)
- • 30th dec - 5th jan 2011-12 volume 465 - (January, 05th 2012 12:17 PM)
- • 23rd - 29th December 2011 volume 464 - (December, 28th 2011 12:09 PM)
- • 16th - 22nd Dec 2011 volume 463 - (December, 21st 2011 20:22 PM)
- • 9th – 15th Dec 2011 volume 462 - (December, 14th 2011 22:08 PM)
- • 2nd - 8th December 2011 volume 461 - (December, 07th 2011 21:06 PM)
- • 25th Nov - 1st Dec 2011 volume 460 - (November, 30th 2011 19:26 PM)
- • 18th - 24th November 2011 volume 459 - (November, 23rd 2011 19:32 PM)
- • 11th - 17th November 2011 volume458 - (November, 16th 2011 18:39 PM)
