11th - 17th March 2011 volume 423
March, 16th 2011 20:17 PM

“Cover me, come on baby, cover me

Well I’m looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me”

(Bruce Springsteen)

 
   

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 17.3.11                                           

For Elements of 1 Regiment; Army Air Corps

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 Bob Dylan - Saigon – 10th April – www.saigonsoundsystem.com

Know where you’re coming Fromm

Celebrating the anniversary of the modern condom, pranksters covered a town’s fountain, laid to commemorate the inventor’s birthplace, with a giant sheath.

Authorities, however, were said to have not been tickled pink and referred to the jape as ‘inappropriate’.

 

Julius Fromm, renowned to be the ‘father of latex’ was born in Konin Poland before he settled in Berlin. Studying chemistry at night school he surmised the promiscuity surrounding the outskirts of the First World War all too conducive to proverbial muck spreading and coupled with the current primitive forms of overcoats made from thick rubber, animal skin and sometimes wood, their practicality, he deduced needed uplifting.

 

Julius’ supporters who call themselves ‘Akcja’ effectively meaning ‘public action’ said, ‘The town should be proud that one of their own created something that has led to so much pleasure and is still contributing to world health’

And ironically against the fountain of youth!

Get your skates on mate

Does any of this sound familiar? A small town in Tuscany called Poggio Bagnoli was relieved of 100kg’s of its gold bullion with the aid of a truck, a bus, a road block a mechanical digger and an escape plan across the country in three stolen cars.

 

A police spokesman said, ‘This was a very big job with intricate planning. Whoever did this had resources and authority.’

Hang on lads; I’ve got a great idea

 

Taking the pies

If Chinese chicken’s feet, pig’s penis or gnats arsehole isn’t doing it for you then why not try an eastern dip laced with a slash of tinkle, or more precise – eggs soaked in kids’ urine.

 

Yep, chef Lu Ming confirms the north eastern delicacy is both ‘delicious and healthy’.

 

The spring hard boiled eggs are best marinated in boys urine, preferably under 10 years old and left to ferment for a day and night. Fresh produce is collected from the local schools daily. It has also been recognised to keep sluggishness and sleepy eyes at bay.

 

‘We are having a big export push because we want people outside China to fully appreciate the delicacy of our cuisine.’

 

Truly a world beater

 

Meanwhile Tony Johnson from Bacup Lancashire, UK takes his burnt meat pie on holiday with him every year and has done for the past 40 years.

 

The Holland’s pie was burnt in 1972 and ever since the now 73 year-old has chaperoned the crispy fancy to US, Barbados, Egypt, Morocco, Syria, Kuwait and Thailand.

 

The son-in-law has even taken it to the Falklands whilst serving with the armed forces, as did his two grandsons to Iraq

 

Tony’s convinced the burnt offering helped him win £6,666 in Vegas in 98 – the missus is convinced Tony’s a little ‘crazy’ but does admit it has ‘brought some laughs’.

 

Just to fill this space and not have to go all the way down to the animal news and number crunching section; the longest noodle is 1,704 metres – it’s costs £20 to roll down Coopers Hill chasing a lump of cheese in Gloucester these days and 17% worth of UK idiots think you can get pork wings – a quarter reckon chicken chops and lamb drumsticks are also on offer. Now you can go to the Animal news and Number crunching

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Some Mothers Do ‘Av ‘Em is probably the best known stunt on skates but here’s a tune we can’t forget – lest we!’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Got any pies?’ – Mr Kipling

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I missed my catnap today – I slept right through it’

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 

 

  Next gig: Saturday 2nd April at:

  

 

 

And back by popular demand

Screaming Hypocrites

 

Plus; most great raffle prizes to be won - All proceeds to…

www.100friends.org

 

but now…

A quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…

 

 

 

 

 

space!

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

*A snake that bit Orit Fox – Israel’s answer to Jordan - on the boob has died of silicone poisoning.

 

*Real horse hair lined boots in the style of real horses legs are on sale at Cheltenham’s race meet this week – that’s boots in the style of horse’s legs with synthetic hooves, but real horse hair – £1,300 a pair – all proceeds to charity mate.

 

 

Number crunching

 

*Plumber Steve Whitely 61 from Exeter Devon won £1.4m on a £2 bet; scooping 6 wins in a tote jackpot. He said, ‘I picked the first horse because it was the favourite, the second because it had a local jockey, the third just came to me, Mr Bennett because I know a bloke called Bennett and Lundy Sky is not too far away. I don’t know why Lupita – it sounded lucky.’

 

*The moon passes Earth just 221,567 miles away on 19th March – the closest it’s been for 18 years – expect some extreme weather.

 

*16 miniature books are up for auction this week. At 300 years old the 2.5cm X 3cm books range from the Bible to Child’s First Book and contain every word of normal sized books and are further described by the auctioneer Steve Iredale from Bamford’s as, ‘They really are superb, the skill and detail are fantastic.’ – So there… alright!

 

*Junrey Baleway is set to become the world’s smallest man. The 22inch lad from the Philippines turns 18 on 12th June and will strip 5inches off Khagendra Magar’s record.

 

*Queen Elizabeth II makes her own tea at 5p.m. every day without fail – guests or not.

 

*Mijenko Parerisas Bukovic has 82 tattoos of Julie Roberts’ face on his body.

 

*Slash is to auction off 300 of his possessions for a kids charity – amongst those are his iconic top hat, 14 guitars, Harley Davidson, ’66 Corvette, model dinosaurs, wooden cobra, South Park pinball machine and a bench from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Wife Perla said, ‘Getting him to go through his 150 guitars was hard. I guess he can spare 14.’

 

*Bessie Cooper is officially the world’s oldest person at 114 – if you’re older than that forget it, you’re not. Bessie says she got so old by minding her own business and not eating junk food.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and the mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 
 

 

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