December, 16th 2009 14:49 PM
“I bought my baby a red radio
He played it all day a-go-go a-go-go
He liked to dance to it down in the streets
He said he loved me but he loved the beat”
(Selector)
‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in
crazy fool’s newsround
in that order
(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)
Plus the radio show – with a new look!
That was the week weren’t it;
The scene: fool is broadcasting the radio show from within a cyclo in the streets of
fool: Welcome, good morning, bon voyage, de que color son las paredes? Je m’appelle fool. Hello. We’re live in the Saigon Rhythm Factory’s tour bus today…you getting this Mike? (He says craning his neck to talk) … Good, only it’s a bit squashed in here, and I can’t crook my neck quite enough to see the green light.
Soundman: It’s red
fool: What?
Soundman: The light’s red, you’re on when there’s a red light
fool: We go on red?
Soundman: Yes
fool: Ok, we’re on…(intro music)…Hello, plenty going on in this week’s show, what we got, we got the lot…but before we got that, we got this…coming up later we’ve got a fat bloke with a beard in a moo moo dress, so where’s the bit where, ‘we’ve got this’, I hear you ask, well…(turns to talk to the driver), yeah that’s it mate, don’t stop, keep going…we go on red…where was I? Argh yes, that’s it, first let’s hear the sound of our panic ridden screams as we head out of control towards a new sensation sweeping across the nation; it’s new type of road sweeping machine…and as we hurtle towards it I can just make out our impending doom…Demis would you like to say anything before we meet our maker…
Dr. Phil: I’d just like to say I love you Demis, and that didn’t come easy
Kink Kong B: …the price of Moo Moo dresses has soared since news just broke that the entire radio show with special guest star Demis Roussos, are about to be sucked up by a great big street vacuum…
Tip: waste of a bloody ostrich egg if you ask me…
fool: Final words… Demis…
Demis: …Yes, yes thank you fool, I think it’s, yep, it’s an Applied 636 Hi Speed, diesel powered, front wheel steer with a high-pressure flushing, rotary sweeper and vacuum hose, 2006 model…awesome…come to daddy!
Narrator: crazy fool’s Radio Show – keeping it clean – here’s Mrs Doufries singing Ralph McTell’s… ‘Let me take you by the cods and drag you through the streets of
Lest we forget
1. Who sang Video Kill the Radio Star?
2. Who created the most filmed horror character of the 20th C?
3. Which country ruled
4. How many species of Ostrich are there?
5. What does the musical term ‘con fuoco’ mean?
6. What are separated by the Cook Straits?
7. The spice allspice is made from what part of a plant?
8. What would you keep locked in a tantalus? A) Alcohol or wine bottles B) Medicines C) Jewellery
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com
After the huge success of cf’s Quiz Night at the Zone Bar last week, we’re due another, it’s tonight, however, if you’re reading this next week then you’re too late.
WHO AM I? – 2009 – As 2009’s drapes plunder further towards the ye olde tread boards, I’m gonna tell you for the last time; It wasn’t Captain Eo, Captain Bligh nay Charles Laughton. So let’s regroup; Clue No.1 “Nay Hook nor Peter Pan, although my trial was a bit of a joke.” And head straight into Clue Numero dos; “A Capt’n I be, nay, for I was, and I’ll nay be joking about that. Although it could be said I was never released, but be sure I was so in kind from The
Is it me?
This is the 2009 Main Comp series – with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.
Scores at the end of week 47 or 48 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.
For those who like ones; one’s and brackets:
Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 1 bonus point, 1, 1, 1)
Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)
Casualty: zip
Aye: 1 (1)
Others: 1
Quote(s) for the week:
Ah, it’s marvellous to be able to converse with people all over the world: people different to yourselves, with something new to say. It broadens your outlook; increases your knowledge of things. I bet there’s not many people round here who know it’s not raining in
Tony Hancock The Radio Ham)
*Non-descript trivia moment*
POKER HANDS & PROBABILITIES cont.
3,744 ways…Full House…693 to 1
624 ways…Four of a Kind…4,164 to 1
36 ways…Straight Flush…72,192 to 1
4 ways…Royal Flush…649,739 to 1
fool’s Gold
- It was a combination of the two words ‘will comply’ that produced the radio-code response ‘wilco’
- ‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ was the very first video played on MTV
- The term ‘broadcasting’ comes from the agricultural industry, as in broadcasting seeds on ploughed land
Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:
“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”
Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:
My indecision being final – not an original line but one that has nevertheless kept me pondering on the ‘dunno’ notion this week. Nothing yae specific has guided my goat to angst, bar the numerous on going absurdities of daily life, most notably Saigon’s traffic and the absolute idiotic idea the locals bracket themselves into and on perception’s hypothesis of being able to driving. The faults of here are endless and not worth the ink, yet a topic needs a back-up so I’ll plumb for the standard of having no idea what traffic lights are, where to stop, when to go, how long is it necessary to wait before, well, enough is enough… But let’s not get bogged down old hats here and crack on with other ailments of composure that has rattled my wicks nose out of joint this week and begin with a temporary slip of schizophrenia, that saw me mute in the pub the other day, and I say pub because there’s a big difference between pub and bar and come to think of it; pint and beer, not to mention schooner, which is a small boat, a flute nay even a mini pewter lid German beer stein. It’s a pint, if so only because it is or isn’t measured up to be, yet the reference is borne out of affection…where was I? Argh yes, from a muted laconic imbecile to a refreshing shower and dose of octopus soup and the transformation was startling. So if you’re feeling in two minds - eat soup, in the shower, although it has to be said, and I hate those bastards who text ‘tho’ instead of ‘though’… although it has to be said, you don’t need to get your soup wet. Being so tired in the morning that fumbling with the computer cords is very agitating and causes mild Tourettes. Tiredness this week stemmed from my daughter climbing into our bed early this morning, which is ok as long as she keeps the snoring down, but my watch said exactly 3.33 and freaked me out a little, because whenever I look at my watch it’s always 2.22 or 4.44, 11.11 etc really weird shit man! People called fat Gary annoy me too, mostly because they’re lying, dirty, evil bastards and fool doesn’t care for that – it’s weak. I’m a little bit miffed that the endearment mother has gone out of the windows these days and is readily replaced with mum, whatever happened to matre. Ok, now I’m really taking the biscuit…or am I? I dunno – My indecision being final - Bastards!
Things that are just Sweet Love:
I love loading the stapler, there’s something very ‘lock n load’ about that.
A viewer’s favourite haystacks from
This is another plane, nope, had enough of them, let’s look at rocks – ok, gone back to planes:
And now this bit:
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that… Sangria, mojito’s, plenty, plenty, plenty of wine and beer; Plus, The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam Cracking live music too.
Have you had yours today?
GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.
Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras,
Not just a walk in the park
Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in
Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in
Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in
Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in
Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:
*Digger; still on that footy trip
*Trigger: with his brother
*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:
Playing NOW the one with:
Randall
Plus all the ‘oldies’: Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!
*Tit-bits – .../…Dear All…/…Dear Wife…/…/…/…
*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said
*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’
*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you
*Classifieds
Ok, forget the rowing machine – House for rent; District 1 HCMC – contact the fool!
*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…it’s old money it’s worth about sixpence …’
Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -
*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko
Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)
Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!
Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity
I’ll take a T-shirt
This bit is the rugby bit:
Published 17.12.09
Another Green Christmas
Heineken Cup:
We’ve had the 3rd round home games and now go straight into the reciprocated away fixture against the same side, which obviously is only relevant from where you’re coming from…savvy…so, without any further ado let’s re-cap: An early Glasgow kiss earned them a 33-11 rout over Gloucester, whom it seems are just too puzzling for words this season – shite, probably best sums them up. Dan Parks kicked 23 points for the sweaty’s, with tries coming from Max Evans – good name Max, very mad, and Beoni Stotoni got the other – not sure what that name means. Charlie Sharples from all the Michael Caine films scored for the West Country shite-house./ O’Gara’s boot helped Munster sneak one over Perpignan 24-23, where although the French whipped up three tries, their discipline was shot and the men in red really had this sewn up./ English leaders Saracens beat French leaders Castres 23-9 – Castres were up 9-3 at half time…ha ha./ Toulon beat Rugby Rovigo 73-3 – any team that has rugby in their name shouldn’t./ Bath finally found some form and beat Edinburgh 16-9 – and it’s not called Bath Rugby or Rugby Bath…it can be called Bath Rugby Club, but then so is every other club, so let’s move on./ Quins and Sale shared a cracker of a game with the lads from Manchester doing enough work in the first half to steal it 23-19. Two tries in the first ten minutes set the tone; they came from McLeod and Dwayne Peel. Nick Evans scored a beauty for Quins with Nick Easter back at his best. Let’s hope he’s fit for the Six Nations because he’s a player to watch. Strettle edged even closer for Quins, but
Guinness Premiership –: no
Top 14: no
Magners League: no
Some shorts:
Berrick Barnes ‘won’ the RUPA award – player’s player of the year, despite not playing in the Movember Tests. Quade Cooper filled his shoes in those games, but now it’s over he’s gone back to filling his boots with laptops.
Some competitions now:
WIN a PRIZE!
John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.
If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another year and half of him yet!
15. Salom's
There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it. I have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what were the films?
end rugby here!
Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
Get over it; it’s only just begun…
Afore we riddle the soothsayers pre-empts with reservations on predictability we must first think about what I just wrote and confirm its credibility on the scale of complete and utter nonsense chart, thingy…what-do-you-ma-call-it…
While that’s brewing lets look back to
Games under our feet as we speak are The Aussies final Test against the unpredictable Windies, who have kept up their variable tactics by allowing Kemar Roach to bowl against the wind on day one at the WACA. Not a sound tactic, as
A lot of talk has built up over the Proteas – England Test, with the usual garnish of idiosyncrasies of KP’s ancestral roots, a wet pitch and the referral system. So let’s clear it up once and for all; KP is as English as Jesus, the wet pitch is wet, and although England managed to snare four on day one, burly Jacques Kallis knocked 112* to dampen yet not dismay a frustrated attack. And the referral system: Swann said on Tuesday; “I won’t be putting my hand up too often for a referral. I keep telling the boys I’ve never been wrong in my life and I don’t want some gizmo to show that is not the case.” –
Yes, it was 3.
That’s it for this week
Impending doom
Other sports:
50ft waves off the
In
Keeping it clean
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
A 25 year-old chemistry student from Kiev Polytechnic Institute blew his head off after experimenting with bubble gum and citric acid. It was thought to have reacted with his saliva and when his parents heard a large bang from his bedroom they raced upstairs to find him with half his face missing. Not exactly Christmassy or fun…but funny nonetheless!
In Chico, California, there’s only one California in the world I looked it up, unlike Bexleyheath where I come from, which has two that I know of, one in England and one in Australia. However, in
Not a 25 year-old student, but a 45 year-old electrician; Andy Park has eaten Christmas dinner every day for the last 16 years! Known as Mr Christmas, he has consumed 118000 sprouts, 5000 bottles of Moet Champagne, and used to spend £11k a year, but now his budget and waistline have moved in opposite directions and measures have had to be taken. He substituted his 14lb turkey for a four pounder, 9 roast tatties to 4, 40 peas to a tablespoon, 40 mince pies to 12 and 7 stuffing balls to 3. His typical day consists of 12 mince pies and a glass of sherry for breakfast. Roast turkey for lunch followed by the Queen’s speech he keeps on video. He said, “People think I’m crackers but I enjoy treating myself and I’m the only one in the world who does it. Others have tried to copy me, but they can’t last. I’m the only one who can hold out.” – I’m having two Christmas dinners today lardy – beat that!
Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! The longest Christmas No.1 hit in the
Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, ‘Why do psychics have to ask for your name?’
Best job in the world, Brit Ben Southall 34 is to be booted off the paradise island off
Simon Sharp 42 and his wife Lizzy 39 went fishing off Dartmouth Devon and caught a 100 year old, one metre long lobster but threw it back because it would have been as tough as old boots. It wasn’t a world record, that went to a Canadian lobster at 1.06m’s.
Lobster at Christmas, no? What about Titanic shape ice cubes? No, cos Christmas means pies and there’s a new World Pie Eating Champ in Barry Rigby 36, who scoffed a cooked meat and potato pie in 43 seconds. Gravy’s banned in this prestige event as it aids lubrication when getting that 12 cm x 3.5 cm in depth, 66% meat delicacy down your gullet.
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy then what about 18 year-old New Zealander Cherelle Dudfiel who was dared to show her breasts at passing motorists; she did and got run over and fined £120
I’ve said enough
just cf it
cf
Other news
- • 3rd - 9th Feb 2012 v470 - (February, 09th 2012 15:03 PM)
- • 13th - 20th Jan 2012 volume 467 - (January, 19th 2012 12:25 PM)
- • 6th - 12th January 2012 volume 466 - (January, 11th 2012 19:16 PM)
- • 30th dec - 5th jan 2011-12 volume 465 - (January, 05th 2012 12:17 PM)
- • 23rd - 29th December 2011 volume 464 - (December, 28th 2011 12:09 PM)
- • 16th - 22nd Dec 2011 volume 463 - (December, 21st 2011 20:22 PM)
- • 9th – 15th Dec 2011 volume 462 - (December, 14th 2011 22:08 PM)
- • 2nd - 8th December 2011 volume 461 - (December, 07th 2011 21:06 PM)
- • 25th Nov - 1st Dec 2011 volume 460 - (November, 30th 2011 19:26 PM)
- • 18th - 24th November 2011 volume 459 - (November, 23rd 2011 19:32 PM)
