3rd-9th March '06' V.176
April, 25th 2007 21:50 PM

There aint no crapping on this week, I’ve got a dizziness inside my head larger than life – someone please remove my brain!

 

Suffice to say any advice is good advice. One of my first jobs was tele-selling for Coca Cola & Schweppes. There’s a lot of hanging about on the phone – your fingers wander, flick, scratch and pick. My neighbouring tele-selling master of experienced years told me, in his Scottish brogue, “Wha’ e’er yer du, don’ pick yer nasal hairs.’

 

He was right, it’s more addictive than sniff, but in some ways just as pleasurable – the feel, the tickle, the pinch, the eyes watering, the satisfaction – any more? Yes, as you get older they’re in your ears – yahoo.

 

Your snare and trap for this week:

 

  1. Luck; you make your own. Fate or coincidence? Destiny’s Child? Sauce! But can you look a gift horse in the mouth? What grammatical term is C.F. looking for?

 

  1. Who painted the picture called Irises?

 

  1. William ‘Fatty’ Foulkes played which sport?

 

  1. On which show did the Muppets regularly appear?

 

  1. What sort of creature is a guillemot?

 

  1. Which oil company was founded by John D Rockefeller?

 

  1. Which musical instrument was first developed by Bartolomeo Cristofori?

 

  1. Which chess piece can only be moved diagonally?

 

For the mystery prize – ‘Who am I?’ Clue No.2, I’ve been likened to the eagle out of the Muppets!

 

Answers to last week: 1. 1917 2. ‘You say you want a revolution’ Beatles, White Album. 3. Panco Villa 4. White 5. Crop 6. Daisy 7. Angela Langsbury 8. Scotland

 

Las week’s lucky winner of a fantastic prize; ‘The greatest Moments of the Five and Six nations’ DVD is on its way to ooo ooooo ooo Adam Wiltshire. Well done the Ad.

 

This week up for grabs is again, another 5&6 Nations DVD – get em while they’re hot, they’re lovely. No, they really are folks. And second prize is a roll over of the mystery prize from last week, cos no one got it.

 

Int. touch rugby was again postponed last week to Club commitments. We were committed, then let out then committed ourselves to be marshals at the annual charity Cyclo Challenge. And what marshals we made. Pedro Primo’s Play of the Day goes out to all Club members who took part.

 

Ok, moving onto bigger and better or just other things: RBS Six Nations kicks off again this week with, perhaps the Championship decider of England in Paris. That’s gotta get the Jocks angry in it?

 

But C.F’s sticking to his prediction from before the tournament and reckons whomever wins in Paris on Saturday will end up Champs. Thomas Castaignede put a bit of a boot in the English camp suggesting England haven’t been the same team since losing Johnson, Back and Wilko. He then went on to say, “England doubt more than we do. Then they thought they had found a balance, but their defeat in Scotland upset things.” Yep.

 

Dawson wins his 74th cap and reflected on the job ahead, “Just one look at my Wasps team mate, French hooker Raphael Ibenez, tells me all I want to know. The twinkle that appears in his eye when I mention France playing England says it all.” Or he just fancies you!

 

Martin Corry on himself as captain being subbed, “Let’s cut the crap here. Every player wants to play 80mins, but when the coach decides he wants to make a change, that’s what happens, I have no problem with that.”

 

French coach Bernard Laporte likened rugby to board games and said, “We must improve our physical strength and style. We should not be scared of physical confrontation. Rugby is more like a boxing match than a chess game.” That’ll be a boxing bout then mate!

 

Ok, Wales’ care-taker coach, Scott Johnson has a couple of games to prove things, as his to be boss, Aussie coach, John Connolly, wants him back in his corner. Scott said, “It’s always difficult when your country calls. That’s a fairly strong tug on the heart strings.”

 

Wales play Ireland this week, and to be honest, neither side have showed much clout.

 

Scotland play Italy at home, and Scotland could slip in what is perceived as a should win game. Let’s not be in any doubt as to Italy’s abilities here, and let’s also not forget Scotland’s bagpipes and blue war paint – them’s a feisty bunch.

 

How’s about the Cheetah’s eh in Super 14’s – are they the comeback, last minute match winners or what?                     Put your money on the Force – probability states.

 

Wasps will play Llanelli in the Powergen Cup on 8th April. But if you want to put some money on rugby this weekend, go with England, Ireland, Scotland and for a real brave bet, the Force!

 

Ok cricket. England drew their first Test in Nagpur, India, but there were some stories. Ally Cook 21 got a maiden ton and said, “It’s unbelievable. I know it’s a cliché but it really is a dream come true.”

 

K.P. was more realistic on his innings, “I looked at it from a few angles and I think I am very fortunate to get 87 today.”

 

And stand in skipper Freddie was proud of his boys, he said, “This is the youngest side England have fielded in 40 years and every lad showed what he is all about. They all showed their character and performed brilliantly.”

 

He had praise for Cookie, Hogg, who got MoN with 7wkts, but especially Monty Panesar, he said, “Monty is fantastic. He loves to bowl, loves to play cricket, and knows what field he wants. He is a dream to captain.”

 

Australia snuck home in their 3rd one-dayer in S.A. which makes it 2-1 to S.A. going into No.4 on Friday. And Shane Warne admitted it was those, ‘dumb flings’ that ruined his marriage!

 

Fernando Alonso can’t wait to get back on the track with Renault, and said, “Renault are the world champs, the whole team is very motivated. I’m proud to have No.1 on the car – it’s the maximum you can achieve in all motor sports.”  Try a bit of Le Mans mate.

 

Welshman Joe Calzaghe beat up Jeff Lacy good and proper for the IBF super middleweight crown. His dad and coach Enzo said, “If Joe had beaten someone like that in the street, he would have been charged with GBH.”

 

Ian Thorpe cried when he told the world he had to pull out of the Common wealth Games next week in Aus. Well, he is a bit of a poof in he. But a decent swimmer, probably the best since Johnny Weismiller!

 

Tennis will be testing instant replays next August, John MaCenroe said, “It will make tennis more interesting.” You bet ya John. And in Wimbledon the umpires and line judges are to change their attire of green and cream to blue and cream – whatever next – lightweight aluminium rackets!

 

A dog for life could cost you 33k quid! That’d be something like a Great Dane. A Jack Russell, for 12 years…18k. A dog on average 22k. Get a cat.

 

Alice Barker, who was the oldest lady alive to serve in the First World War, has died aged 107. Her niece Marcelle Carter 79 said, “As a pretty 18 year old in the war, she probably spent more time having fun with the boys.” She also did it on 2 brandies a day – there you go, its official – drink.

 

Queen Liz is charging people to go on guided walks to listen to deer having sex! On the Royal Deeside Estate in Balmoral you ca, ‘Listen to the roar of the reds.” As one of the workers on the estate said, “I can’t imagine people wanting to pay hard earned money to hear randy deer going at it.” There ain’t nowt as strange as folk.

 

Phil Harrison fell 30ft down a mill chimney trying to rescue his mate’s hawk that got out of the aviary. He landed in 6inches of pigeon pooh, which although broke his neck did save his life.

 

An asteroid with the biggest chance of hitting earth is 500 yards wide and weighs nearly a billion tonnes. Nasa freak Dave Morrison said, “Fortunately its nearly a century before our paths cross. This should provide time to refine the orbit.” I hope so Dave, I hope so.

 

And lastly Tony Blair told us this week about his father in law, Tony Booth, who incidentally played the scouse git in Till Death Do Us Part, who has a drag now and then, He said, “Do you mind if I light a joint? I remember thinking, ‘this is my father-in-law, this should be the other way around, surely.’”

 

See attached for this week’s AFL slant of life. The last two of the 6 experts have provided their seasons tips, and the punters market will soon be open for two different games to play – read on read on.

 

Take C.F’s advice don’t wipe your arse with broken glass! For further advice check out the website – it’s the same as this but on the web! Coming soon.

 

 cf

 

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