21st - 28th March '02' Volume 13
May, 15th 2007 08:57 AM

Onwards and upwards, has been all the rage for years, even with a touch of a bellicose nature thrown in for good measure to spice things up a little, and with it, it has lay down a blueprint for our pre-molded destiny of today.

            History’s been kind to the ‘Brits on the piss’ in their 100 year lease of H.K. creating sound trading ties between the two islands, both of whose principles were only in trade, be-it in this case originally opium. But with this also came the popular virtues of economics and that other thrilling business-banking. But if these didn’t grapple the hook of the early western pioneers then thumping the shit out of each other on a wet weekend in the name of sport did, thus rugby was introduced. So with the smooth change over of ownership in ‘97’ the undoubtedly peach of all 7’s festivals stood unaffected, leaving the ‘unshakeable destiny’ to England as this years winners, who triumphed over Fiji (33-20) to be the first northern hemisphere side to take the title in 27 years, or so I’m told, I thought that the Baa-Baa’s did it back in ‘81’, and that’s 21 years, I know, I had to take my socks and grundies off to check, but that’s beside the point, the point is that H.K. are happy, England definitely are, and ask anyone who went to watch, who still has a brain cell left if they are still alive! In a nutshell the worlds rugby fraternity is riding on cloud 9 as long as H.K. and its buoyant clientele keep putting on this most prestigious of events.

            Back in Nam were left the Int. touch rugby destinies ‘children’ who pulled off an almost replica of skills to that across the water-uncanny ha! We may have been in the shadow of greatness but our reflection was almost identical in its morale excellence. With a tenacious grip on pace, power and perseverance the old resonant left-overs put in a sterling performance.

            Ben ‘arrow’ Daley was flawless in his execution of the timed run who together with Pat ‘what gay rugby team?’ Weinholt and me put in some dynamic pop-pass breaks. They were the epitome of imaginary and practicable play that were often only halted by the hand of ‘Too tall’ Richard whose elongated reach sewed up the most gaping of gaps in defence. Yet someone who could and did slip through even the slightest of holes was Sean ‘Da Slight’ Da Luce. His speed careered him through the narrowest of hair comb defences as if shimmying through a drainpipe with acres of space and coming out the other side without a print on him. If that seemed too much to chew on then another revelation took place in the form of Andrew ‘round the houses’ Derham, who twice was seen to run in a straight line, the second time covering a personal best in the 20 metre dash before drawing the man and off loading a perfect pass-the man’s got it all.

            Louy scurried around the field like a little demon all day and showed us that she’s got the support and loop thing off to a tee. Her work rate was enough to enthuse the many new comers practicing for the up and coming tournament, an example to be watched and learnt from, except if your in the bar drinking Tequilas. JRJ proved herself to be deceptive as ever, twisting and turning this way and that, much like her convincing us that she gave up smoking 3 months ago. Luckily Travis was around to remind us that she only ‘said’ that she had given up. He on the other hand was straight forward in his running and for someone the size of a Silver back he put in some healthy speeds to make some fantastic breaks, also misleading us in the rapid leg movement was ‘Aus or Frog’ Lauren who had cause to glide impeccably. But for me the man who stole the show this week was ‘drunken’ Duncan who constantly showed worrying signs of extreme fitness, possessing more bounce than a wallaby on springs he flew all over the place without breaking into a sweat. His best boing came when he took the ball on the retreat from a marauding defence, he ran straight up the middle then stomped in a hefty right footed side-step, taking off on his left leaving 3 opponents in his wake, with 2 on 2 and ‘bullet pass’ Travis outside him the defenders moved in for the pounce, he swiveled his hips just enough to let his speed break through the middle of the last 2 players, and the covering tacklers became just a formality as he drew them and passed to the supporting Travis for what was Pedro Primo’s play of the day.

            This weeks sick notes came from the 15 or so culture vultures who took in a sight seeing tour of H.K’s. bars, they later told me that it was nothing more than a training weekend in preparation for the touch tournament on 20th April.

            Our old muckers Lewis and Tyson were busy signing contracts for the big fight to be held in Memphis on 8th June. As they’re only set to earn $23m each it’s difficult to imagine that we’ll see either of them out here soon.

            Our training guru from England has been delayed by 4 months as he has been sent to the ‘big house’ for a 3rd drink driving offence. He couldn’t understand the charges as he was only on 45 pints a day with the occasional litre of Vodka to wash them down, but he did say that he would be back to whip us into shape some time in the wet season.

            Manic Street Preachers star Richy Edwards was hoping to make an appeareance, but he’s been missing for 8 years. Police revealed that they have found a pair of dismembered feet still inside a pair of size 8 Diadora trainers in the river Severn in Monmouth where he was last seen. They can also reveal that his last words to his fellow band members was that he wanted to tour Vietnam in stages-so hopefully he could be with us soon.

            Naomi Campbell was busy in a London court defending the jibes on her from a newspaper, which said that she had been taking drugs-lots of them and was now in a rehabilitating scheme. She took offence to this and sued for invasion of privacy and technically won the case based on a breach of confidentiality. But the judge summed it up best when he called her a media attention, prima-donna, egotistical two-bit slut, whose okay when charging a zillion quid for flouting her wares in front of the worlds press in the name of fashion and who wouldn’t understand privacy if she was the last person on earth and it came and bit her on the arse, then awarded her 13,500 quid in damages and charged her 20,000 quid in costs, at least that’s some justice.

            Lastly a big hats off to a sadly missed genius comic of our time Dudley Moore who died aged 66 from brain cancer on Wed.27th. He once said, ‘life is hell. But it’s very interesting.’

 

            See you in hell then!

 

cf.   

           

           

 

Other news